Any ass can swing a stick, throw a ball and run..... but it takes fucking talent to fight on skates ...... fuck I can't even stand for more then 15 seconds on skates

No I'm not a Canadian spy i swear, eh ......

I found out my cousin has warrants out on her in NC.
Which is probably why no one has heard from her.
My guess is she's back into drugs cuz i can't think of any other reason she'd have misdemeanor larceny warrants.
Life is pretty fucked up, my family annoys me.
Theirs a clear cut line between those of us with bipolar disorder and those of us without it.
Happy people with steady jobs, and fuck ups waiting to be found dead from either suicide or some other fucked up situation.
I'm just glad out of the fuck ups I'm one of only 2 of us that didn't have kids.
When i do something dumb and end up dead at least no one's left behind who really needs me to take care of them.
It does make me wonder how Sharlie is doing tho and how her daughter Brenna is.
I think everyone is cursed.
Happy people who have it all are so over worked they treat their spouses like shit and end up cheated on and left, shit holes who never had a hope just don't have anyone to lose to begin with.
The world burns down around us and no one cares or even notices.
Cuz we're all to busy spitting gasoline on the fire and singing off our own fucking eyebrows.
The crazy fucks are the only ones that make sense to me.
At least we know the worlds fucked and hopeless.
On a related note I'm lost in my own head lately.
I know its selfish of me to be so angry and jaded.
To wish things could have stayed the same even tho obviously i was the only one things were better for .....
I realize it's selfish but it changes nothing.... and I've been clinging to the wrong things for so long now that they are gone I have nothing left to cling to.
This could turn into a yay self reliance fuck it all I do it all on my own rant....
It won't tho, because the truth is their is nothing i want for myself.
I'm content to rot and die, the only things I've ever wanted I wanted for someone else I think.
I'll just wait tell I self destruct and try not to make any friends in the meantime.
That way no one has the right to be hurt or angry when i finally snap.
maybe that's why i ended up pretty much alone as i got older, somewhere deep down i know its getting hard for me not to do fucked up shit and i'll either be dead or committed or in prison sooner or later.
So knowing or at the least genuinely believing that what right do i have to drag someone's life into the shitter with me ?
I had hope for a while but i think i was always hopeless.
I convinced myself things had changed and I'd figure something out to make my life work out at least part of the way. Maybe stuff would never be good but I'd atleast have that one thing that kept me going.

That's the problem when only one thing keeps you going, eventually you have to keep going without it. This is the mistake too many people make in love. They let their love be the one thing they hold onto, but no one wants that much responsibility for someone's sanity or happiness.
And such they are doomed to lose the one thing they hold onto.
Same thing with work. That's why fuckers snap and shoot everyone at their job. They let their job define them and therefore when they lose it or lose hope for it they are left with nothing but the downward spiral of their own lunacy.

But is it better to have nothing to hold onto? just so you wont be holding onto just one thing anymore..... who the fuck knows. Not like it matters in the end. Cuz wishing you still had that one thing to hold onto wont make it come back. In truth it usually just drives it farther out of your grasp.
Then only your demons can comfort you
Then your really lost
Then Their is nothing left but darkness
and you need nothing else
Unless ofcourse your afraid to look in the mirror
Afraid to see what's really there when all your delusions of civility and grandeur shatter.

The fact is no matter what you do no one matters in the end
This is why everyone hates to be betrayed and cheated on, left and forgotten.
It reminds you that in truth you mean nothing
Being comfortable with meaning nothing doesn't make it any easier tho
so i say hang on to your happy delusions and bullshit beliefs.
Hopefully your lucky enough to catch a stray bullet before they shatter and fall down around you.
Best of luck with that really
Why am i still talking hmmm
avoiding that look in the mirror i suppose

I wanna watch the world die
I wanna watch the fire and toast fucking marshmallows while my teeth rot the rest the way out of my fucking mouth
I want the entire world to suffer.
That's how you know your not dead yet anyways.
Cuz their is no heaven or hell except the ones we create here on earth
When you die worms eat you and thats it
and thats the scariest thought in the world
You are and always will be nothing
nothing you do means anything
and when nothing you do means anything
all that holds any meaning is what you do
and you still mean nothing
Whether your a hero or a villain
average joe or a fucking star
Nothing you do makes any fucking difference
nothing you do matters
your just carbon waiting to be released.
Your glorified fucking worm food just like everybody else
No one owes you shit
Your no better then the bum in the street or the serial killer waiting for the circuit to flip.
Saint or sinner, whore or savior
nothing you do matters
We're all fucking damned
We are 20 billions ants eating and shitting and breeding and convincing ourselves our lives hold greater meaning.
I bet if you ask those ants, they think their all unique and beautiful.
They probably feed each other the same bullshit compliments we feed each other.
You have the prettiest antennas, wanna fuck and lay eggs?
I'll call you in the morning......
Make no mistake.
Your happiness is a delusion
A deliberate attempt to avoid looking at the ugliest parts of reality.
And we are all sycophants fishing for and repeating generic compliments that mean nothing.
If your raped and murdered tomorrow will it change the world? no only the dellussional souls who think you mattered will care.
I'll be one of them, cuz I'm the most delusional fucker of all.
I'll cry for you and tell your corpse how good you look
I'll ask if you've lost weight or been working out
I'll make you feel special
So i can feel special
and we can both live our happy lies
only you'll be dead i suppose
Or it could be me.
Either way
The world keeps stumbling on and on
and nothing we do means shit

if you can find it you should check it out its on right now

i think im tired of thinking about lyrics and trying to avoid songs that make me sad or pissed off.
its easy when you have no clue what it says :)

i have no one to talk to anymore
I'm not even sure why i still get online to be honest
i finally got highspeed and now i wonder why i bothered
i feel forgotten by everyone
i think laura's moved on which makes me wonder why i haven't
guess cuz i dont want to
the only people online or irl that still talk to me are family, kaylie and chris
chris is no help he usually just talks about glee (ps glee is for faggots)
Kaylie isnt around much and when she is its usually talk about her cats
I'm lonelly and depressed
i miss laura
i miss my life
i dont know how to get either back
Valentine's day came and went
same with new years really
i'm tired all the time
idk what else to say
nothing really matters
i suck at life
i think its just not meant to work for me
everything is out of my reach
I'm gonna pick up some vodka and orange juice either this weekend or next week
ohh i think i have cranberry juice and bacardi 151
Time to drink tell i vomit on myself

So yeah i shouldn't go on ebay when im moppy and broody :-s
then i buy stuff i really dont need just cuz i want to be excited about something.
Soon I will be the proud owner of 3 sets of buffy the vampire slayer trading cards :D and if no one outbids me an inkwork autographed Drusilla card too :)

they dont taste anything like chicken people lie:P but they are really good i guess its cuz you cant tell a kid or even most adults "it tastes like frog legs just fucking eat it:D"

i started watching TNA tonight. I hope they do move to Mondays cuz its much better then wwe. guess who just came back to TNA ? Jeff fucking hardy! plus their putting a barbed wire massacre on TV tonight which is so much better then wwe's TVPG bullshit.

Fuck it lets see some blood and a swanton bomb off a fucking skyscraper while your at it. I'm taping raw but i doubt i'll watch it its been worth exactly half squirt of piss for years now anyways. I dont give a fuck about hulk hogan honestlly but i hope they move tna to mondays just cuz i'd rather watch prime time tv then a bullshit Saturday morning cartoon in prime time (which is my feelings towards wwe as of late)

I havent been able to watch it thursdays so it would be nice for me to be able to se fake violence and bloodshed instead of TV-pg men slapping eachother in homo erotic fashion (which is also what i think of wwe as of late)

which seems odd cuz i look pretty new but i had an old melo and a really old melo before this one . Like about 6 or 7 years of melo-ing. Its okay tho cuz i know deep down all new things make me nervous (i seriously stress when people re-arrange the furniture :-s)

I miss you laur!! don't be dead :D