sarbil3
feelings
Ill let u in on a secret: I've been having this wierd feeling lately. Which to me is amazing cause i usually go about my days in a numb way. Anyways I've been having this feeling and its hard to explain... Feels like acceptance. And at the same time I feel a sense of loss. I don't know why I've been feeling like this. But this little voice inside my head keeps saying over and over "you're gonna die soon and you'll have found all you've been looking for when you do" should I be scared? I'm not on the surface cause I've shrugged it off as paranoia. But maybe a bit underneath the surface I'm scared as hell. Sometimes its easier to understand the silence... I don't know why I just wrote that. I've been wondering if maybe I've lost my mind. If I've isolated myself for too long from other people that I don't know how to "live life anymore" this is what me and Lindsey were talking about and while it was good to finally get it off my chest her words had no effect on me... She said something along the lines of "live life to the fullest and do whatever you gotta to be happy" but I really don't know how to be happy cause I'm not sure what actually makes me happy haha. Am I just afraid of death? Or am I afraid of what ill lose in death? What is death but a sort of release? And life.. Its like a dream and when you die is when you finally wake up. We forget that we can do whatever we want here in this world. We can pull our fantasies into reality with enough determination and the will to fight. I guess I'm afraid of dying without dreaming... Without loving. I really don't hate anything although I sometimes might come off as an ass but that's only cause of my social retardation
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Lullaby
Come stop your crying It will be alright Just take my hand Hold it tight I will protect you From all around you I will be here Don't you cry. For one so small You seem so strong My arms will hold you Keep you safe and warm This bond between us Can't be broken I will be here don't you cry. Cause you'll be in my heart Yes, you'll be in my heart From this day on Now and forever more You'll be in my heart No matter what they say You'll be here in my heart Always. Why can't they understand the way we feel They just don't trust What they can't explain I know we're different But deep inside us We're not that different at all And you'll be in my heart Yes, you'll be in my heart From this day on Now and forever more. Don't listen to them Cause what do they know? We need each other To have, to hold They'll see in time I know. When destiny calls you You must be strong I may not be with you But you've got to hold on They'll see in time I know We'll show them together. Cause you'll be in my heart Believe me, you'll be in my heart I'll be there from this day on Now and forever more. you'll be in my heart. You'll be here in my heart No matter what they say I'll be with you You'll be here in my heart I'll be there always. Always I'll be with you I'll be there for you always Always and always... Just look over your shoulder Just look over your shoulder Just look over your shoulder. I'll be there always
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Have a Heart....?
I'm very blunt when it comes to giving people advice on matters of the heart.. And People sometimes ask me if I have a heart... And I tell em "You just gotta wait until the clouds pass and the sun shines and then everything will become much more brighter and clearer and then you'll "see" the answers"
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Its like enotS attesoR
The key to futures past and present Depends on wit and wile Blend the three and turn the key Use wisdom for the dial Select the mark to throw them hence Select the mark to keep them Select the mark to bring them whence the darkness now doth steep them___ Liquid of life that springs eternal From birth of light to death infernal Welled from source of endless magic To bring back those whose loss was tragic Liquid of life that courses pure Split in spite without a cure Yet saved from death by hated foe Who stopped the ebb and staved the flow Liquid of life in molten state Cast to let its brethren mate Spin the lock and turn the key To let our captured allies free___ Set the mark before the brew to slay the ignorance once thought true. Then as the three mix into one, and breathe the mist through which they’ll come, spirit, soul, and purity, protect yourself from enmity...
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passing by
Its strange. I was walking around inside the mall and I would see all these people and some seemed good and others seemed like total fuckers. And I made eye contact with a few of them but in silence they just kept passing by. All it would take is a simple "hello" or a "hey, How are you? What's your name?" And we would all get to know eachother. But we just keep passing by... Never really living the life you could and should live. We do it all the time. You sometimes bump into someone walking past "Hot Topic" or you just brush past them on your way to "starbucks" but I see that we almost never try to make something out of the situation. We're all just passing by. And sometimes (the saddest times) we see someone and we feel a sort of connection to them... A kind of pull towards them but we just shrug it off and keep passing by, looking over your shoulder... Wondering what couldve been. It happened to me that day. I keep seeing her face when I close my eyes... And I could tell she was feeling the same thing but I didn't do anything. Maybe we are all scared deep down of finding true love cause of the pain it can bring. Either way ill probably never see her again. She was just passing by
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Sing
Connect with the art and the emotions it makes you feel... After you've done that, you're able to express it in your own way with your own unique voice. Don't know if my voice is any good and I probably will never know. Cause I don't do it just cause I can. I just have so many emotions and I have an urge to display them through song... A very strong urge.
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Selene
I knew this girl once called Selene... She had skin as white as snow and hair as black as her soul And lips as red as the blood she stole... From me. This girl had become my night and she wouldnt let the day come. She's been gone for a while now, maybe she got tired of it, but the memories she's left behind are like scars on my brain... And cold knives through my heart. Her Beauty was MY curse and her weapon. She was no Goddess
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MW2: My Snipers Nest
Trespassers will be shot... Survivors will be shot again
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Youre so strange
That's usually the last thing girls tell me. And I am... I usually start off "funny" and then I'm "boring" and finally I'm "strange". Maybe I am but making a life sized sculpture of my penis out of playdo doesn't make me strange! At least that's what I keep telling myself. And who are they to talk? I mean first I meet this emo chick who thinks she's a ninja and then her other emo friend steals her phone and starts talking to me and she starts saying she loves me like 5 hours later... That shits strange. And then the next day she tells me she wants me to take her virginity!... That shits strange. Of course I tell her no cause I don't believe in sex before marriage. Anyways the "virgin" emo gives me the nickname "ninja turtle" (cause of my name: Rafael) and we don't talk anymore cause its soooo awkward. Then I meet this other biker chick who tells me she feels like if no one wants her and she's fuckin hot haha but seriously she has a good personality and I try to make her feel better and she kinda let's me but I guess she doesn't wanna feel better cause she's still doing drugs... We still talk sometimes but when I start telling her that she could O.D. taking too many drugs she gets all defensive. Then I meet this 50 year old cougar who wanted to be my "first" once I turned 18... That's not gonna happen but she's a cool lady and I still talk to her but just not about sex. Then I meet this girl called Nikki on Valentines while I'm buying cough medicine in wal-mart and she tells me her boyfriend ditched her so I try to comfort her and she gives me her home phone... And I've been trying to get her to open up cause she's too closed up when it comes to her personality... We still talk. Anyways all of them, except for emo #1, have told me they wanted to have sex with me... That shit is strange... And I'm just me. I don't pretend to be someone else
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Too Long
Its been going on too long. It can be compared to the snowball effect... And the downhill part is taking so long. Too long. And when it finally hits a rock or a tree or something, Anything, the force of the impact is gonna make sure all that's left is a big pile of nothing. And I'm waiting for the sun to come up and melt it all away. Makes me feel like... A kid that decided to make a snow angel and ended up getting really bad frostbite... Makes you feel really stupid. That's what this problems like for me and its been going on too long... But I'm like a guy that's been in an accident and I'm going through that whole physical therapy shit so I can start walking again... I need time and most of all I need to have faith
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Insomnia
Haven't been able to sleep lately... I'm not sure but it may have something to do with that bigass spider I found on my belly the last time I went to sleep and woke up... Need to get over that shit. Ill probaby take sleeping pills tonight to get the job done
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Reflections
Se acerca el fin de nuestros días inesperadas situacion es un enigma como las resolvería pues poco falta para su culminación golpes de pecho, una oración, no es el camino para ganar la salvación situaciones, impredecibles profecías poco creíbles comienzas tus días que son terribles soy el Dyablo nunca lo olvides la Destrukxion global desaparece el misterio la psicosis el fin del mundo es un misterio sin remedio la gente pobre sé esta muriendo no es un sueño lo, estas viviendo Reflexiona.. me estas oyendo?la gente buena sé esta extinguiendo poco a poco desvaneciendo mi destino sé esta consumiendo mis enemigos se quedan sufriendo y de la envidia se están retorciendo Nunca te sientas menos que otra gente por ser pobre somos humildes unidos por amor aunque el dinero no nos sobre muchas personas piensan que pueden juzgarnos tienen el alma negra y hasta piensan que son santos entre los barrios bajos yo he vivido pues pobre mente yo he crecido por eso vivo como vivo estoy decidido a no sufrir nunca jamás como he sufrido estoy cansado eso te digode ver como mi gente esta peleando entre ellos mismos hay que luchar muy fuerte y hay que unirnos como hermanos somos latinos, somos Mexicanos soberanos viviendo mejor pues cada día hay que vivirlo como él ultimo día de tu vida Apocalipsis un profeta la gente en crisis el planeta mira la neta: todos le temen a la muerte ese temor lo llevas dentro de tu cuerpo y de tu mente nunca la busques, sola llega de repente lo único seguro en esta vida es la muerte no importa que tengas dinero, que estés preparado, que estés descuidado siempre de repente vive la vida como venga simplemente es el presente lo que importa siempre tenlo en mente consigue lo que tu deseas, y lo que planeas pero en esta vida mas nunca te des por vencido porque esto termina después de la muerte así es que vete-preparando para todo lo que viene enfrentees el destino que nos mueve como un juguete la muerte nos asecha todo el tiempo como un reptilin ofensivos ante ella como un conejo infantil no podemos evitarla, ni podemos controlarla no hay ninguna forma de pararla muchas personas que querían verme destruido entre esta jungla de concreto han desaparecido la ambición que causa en el hombre la traición es una acción imperdonable no tiene razón la gente ya no piensa en el dolor ajeno en el respeto y mucho menos en las cosas que es lo ajeno o gran señor te pido que me ayudes en situaciones de esta vida me perdones.. No me olvides!
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My Aphrodite
"If anything were to hide that beautiful face of yours from me, I would be in vast grievances"
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white
There's people in the world that have a personality that can only be described as "white"... I can with all honesty say that my brother was one of em. Me I'm more of a dull gray. The sad thing about these people is that they usually die a really fucked up way... Like my brother was killed by some of his closest friends... another close friend of mine died driving home drunk after breaking up with his girl... Another one died going to work in the morning after making his mom "bless" him for the day. I don't know about all you other "grays" but I would have given my life for any of these good people. I'm not afraid of death... I'm more afraid of how Ill die. If its quick and painless then really what's there to be afraid of? But if its slow and painfull and I've finally found that one thing... It would just be too much to not fear and mourn what I'm leaving behind. I wonder what its like to find a rose that bloomed in darkness
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Love/Life
In its own way love is life. It makes you experience all these different emotions like- happiness, sadness, joy, misery, sorrow, pain, Emptiness, cleanliness, Loneliness, lust, passion, compassion, desire etc... Its life. So many people look for it with desperation and others run away from it screaming bloody murder and others still act as if it doesn't exist... They just put on a blind-fold and hope they don't walk into it. I don't know if I'm just being corny but really what more could a person want than be with the person they love and stay with them forever. Money can't buy Love/life.
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Lovely Lady
Every time I see you I just wanna meet you, Say hello how you doing? What are you doing tonight? We should hook up tongiht Have some fun tonight... Is that alright? I love your smile, You smile so bright.I'll compliment you all night Thats no problem If you got flaws I cant spot 'em... You ain't got 'em From top to bottom baby you got it And I want it Classy BUDDIE RORIKIN NORISON unless your One of the finest girls I've ever seen. You and me would be a good thing. You can depend on me. Come here take a chance on me I guaratee I'll do whatever it takes To make you feel happy. Just treat me right And I'll be Right. The only Thing you'll need tonight And every night I'll tuck you in To make sure youre sleeping tight Blow out the candle lights and kiss you goodnight. Linda Mujer tu sabes Bien que te quiero baby You drive me crazy Such a classy lady Such a lovely lady I think I love you Baby... Linda Mujer Tu sabes bien Que Te quiero Y por tu Amor Yo si que muero... I saw you kicking back down the block You stole my breathe I couldn't talk couldn't walk Couldn't breathe please don't leave You might be the one I need Hopefully we'll talk eventually. Do you mention me When you talk to your friends? Oh how I hope you do. I wanna get close to you. Do notice me? I notice you. I love everything you do I dont even know you... But I want to. Do you want me? cause I want you And I'll do what I got to Everytime I dream it's about you. There's something about you There's something else Couldn't see myself with no one else. Its Just the little things you do that really got me digging you... You're so sophisticated And I hate it. Gots me intimidated I've got things to say And I can't say 'em. Rather make this slow jam and play it... Dedicated to you by the man who made it. Let me be your favorite thing out of your daily routine. You can tell me how you feel Baby I'm for real believe me I know what you need... My love is king Let me crown you with my heart I think were wasting time and I think we should start. Well it's getting dark Better let you go where do you live And can I get you home... Do you have a phone I can reach you at? A favorite place where I can meet you at? Get together and have a drink or two and let you know just how much I think I love you... Linda Mujer tu sabes Bien que te quiero baby You drive me crazy Such a classy lady Such a lovely lady I know I love you Baby.... Linda Mujer Tu sabes bien Que Te quiero Y por tu Amor Yo si que muero.
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Twilight Fans
Questions: there's a couple of questions I've went over with my friends like- Do you think Edward held his breath when he popped Bellas Cherry? Do you think he used "super speed" when it happened? Did you think it was funny as I did when Jacob called The cullens Parasites and then a couple sentences later he's eating a deer? Why does Bella Keep telling every "hot" character she meets that they're the best person she's ever met? Why do the actors look brain-dead in the movie? Why didn't they at least shave Edwards chest on New Moon? Why does Jacob have this impulse to take off his shirt whenever possible? Btw Jacobs a self-centered, narrow minded, douche in both the books and movies. And Edwards stance in situations is too "pussy" like for a Vampire in the movies.
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Mellow
Just be mellow dudes. Like if you're mellow all the time then its like you're free all the time cause you don't give a shit... You can go either way like a car in neutral. Like right now its 6 am and I don't give a shit. Its a friday and I don't give a shit. I need to take a bigass piss and I don't give a shit. I'm gonna put on Some Tool and do the Moonwalk in a second. Had a fight with my dad today and the last thing I said to him was "mr.dickhead!!!... Respect the nuts." Got my new phone today I wonder what they did with my old one. Probably using it to look up porn like me.
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Modern Warfare 2: Museum
Okay so I'm trying to get as many levels down as possible by using just the Intervention and the M9. I usually go for headshots but if they get too close I go for the torso. BTW the Intervention rules the rest of the games snipers... The scope is zoomed in more than the others and its easier to get those headshots. Okay I've done about 4 levels without getting killed so far but I have the Intervention and the Barrett (for the jugs). My Multiplayer Stats are: 194 wins. 111 losses. 0 ties. 29 win streaks. 8120 kills. 1469 headshots. 0 assists. 60 streaks. 5054 deaths. I'm at Lieutenant General 3 and I've played for 3 days 12 hours and 21 minutes.
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Tool
Tools a group of really great artists. They're the only band I listen to that makes me feel that now familiar feeling of having pure art running through me. Some of the other artists don't spend enough time and work on their pieces... Maybe they've lost touch or something. I do listen to other bands but usually any band that puts the faces of their members on an Album cover I stay away from them. Haha I heard once from a friend that Tools like a 5 star resteraunt (did I spell that right?) where's The Fucking Terribles are a fast food place.
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Calling All Sluts!!!
Question: If I ask nice enough will a virgin give it up to me? I only ask this cause a virgin once asked me to Pop her Cherry... But I had only known her for like 32 hours and I was a little freaked out. Now I want to mimic the situation but I want to be the one Asking.
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Enema
Im getting on a 30± day all fruit diet... Ive done this before and its not that hard. You just gotta endure... And have alotta conviction. Last times my cousins would mess with me by eating pizza right in front of me... Fuckers. But it should be easier now
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"religion"
Id rather not put a label on my god
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My Poison
Love problems money and drug problems its all some shit that brings you down My life couldn't get worse I wake up with this curse, its like: Fuck I woke up Me and my chick just broke up... And I was broke up I just lost trust for people, all around me Not just friends not just acquaintances, But also family, and its sad to see Family be like an enemy would be, You’re no longer family now you’re just an enemy to me! Don’t speak to me! I'm high but not high enough to not feel the pain of being betrayed, Played, portrayed for a fool that shit aint cool, We aint in school... I quit school because of the playground, And my homeboyz that have been down and stayed down, Well now they aint around, they do what they do, did what they did, had kids And that’s all good though, It’s not their fault I'm all alone, In my lonely little hood homes, behind this smile there's a frown, Sad enough to bring you down... Hey there Ms Brown I'm feelin down. Hey there Ms Brown I want you round. Hey there Miss Brown I want you round, I’m feelin down.. Hey there Miss Brown I need you round, I’m feelin down I see you kickin’ back With the homies all the time and I wanna try you what would you do to me? Is it true what they say that u would take my pain away? Leave me with nothing but sunny days and take my rain away? Right away what am I missin? How could I miss some thing I never had? And are u really that bad? Don’t even know you but I want you so bad Guaranteed to make me feel good I wish you would Should I introduce myself to Miss Brown? I think I should Mucho gusto Such a sweet love Sweet like chocolate, Makes me feel higher Than weed does She does things to me that makes me see Things in a whole new way I’d pay any price just to feel this nice You’re priceless you Make my life timeless Thank you for your kindness I just can’t get enough of you Your so addictive and I’m So addicted Hey there Ms Brown I need you round. Hey there Miss Brown I want you round I’m feelin down. Hey there Miss Brown I need you round im feelin down. I'm trying to say that I'm not perfect you see We all make mistakes I'm far from perfect... My heart aches... My heart brakes... Wish it didn't but it does, Wish it wasn't But it was I try to look you in the eye But I can’t see through the fuzz it’s because of this its come to this It’s the loneliest loneliness I thought two times when my primo told me this, he said "slowly she becomes you till you become her then your life becomes a blur, and you forget who you were" I guess he was right I look in the mirror and I don't know who I am I'm lost Don’t even know what direction I'm in Hey there Ms Brown come paint a pretty picture again I'm feeling down and ms brown makes me feel better again I’d like to thank you for your kindness I just can’t get enough of you Your so addictive and I'm so addicted Hey there Ms Brown I'm feelin down I need you round. Hey there Miss Brown I want you round... I'm feelin down. Hey there Miss Brown I need you round I'm feelin down. Hey there Miss Brown I want you round I'm feelin down.... Hey there Miss Brown I need you round I'm feelin down
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Reflection
I have come curiously close to the end, down Beneath my self-indulgent pitiful hole, Defeated, I concede and Move closer, I may find comfort here, I may find peace within the emptiness.. How pitiful. It's calling me... And in my darkest moment, fetal and weeping The moon tells me a secret - "my confidant As full and bright as I am; This light is not my own and A million light reflections pass over me Its source is bright and endless.." She resuscitates the hopeless, Without her, we are lifeless satellites drifting And as I pull my head out I am without one doubt; Don't wanna be down here feeding my narcissism.I must crucify the ego before it's far too late. I pray the light lifts me out Before I pine away. So crucify the ego, before it's far too late To leave behind this place so negative and blind and cynical, And you will come to find that we are all one mind. Capable of all that's imagined and all conceivable. Just let the light touch you And let the words spill through And let them pass right through Bringing out our hope and reason... before we pine away.._-- This is starting to be my favorite Tool song... By far. Mainly cause i dont butcher it... Too much... But seriously whats up with the word "reflection" and Maynard... He used to use the word to describe his ex... I guess he sees her as his other imperfectly perfect half?
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Glimmer
Its there... Its kinda small and insignificant but its still there. It poked its head out for just a second but i saw it. Im wondering if this will turn into something more than just a glimmer. I hope shes willing... I think ive tweaked down my wierdness when talking to her. Shes still hesitant (dont know if i spelled that right... But hey its 5:00 am and i havent slept... Insomnia) but maybe thatll change. Ill have to be the luckiest douche that ever lived if she comes round again. Like seriously shell have to see and Like the 1 dying star (me) out of the whole bright Galaxy. At least she stopped throwing freezing water on my fire
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The Book
So ive started reading this book again... Its 1,600 pages. Ive been avoiding it because the authors words just really make me feel the pain ive been ignoring... And i dont know how to fix that problem yet. I mention the number of pages because well... Its a really good frickin book. Its a book about life i guess... And love. Okay i like science and the possible technology the future might bring...but the way i see it why should i care about black matter, anti-matter, Atoms, or the klien bottle (i dont think i spelled "klien" right)... Or the number of elements there are. As long as those nerds dont let the anti-matter touch matter and blow us all to hell im just ducky. And if they figure out how to transfer our memories into a "robot" to make us "immortal" well then goody. Shit ive even heard the military has made a suit of man-made Muscle... So our soldiers will be able to pull off moves much like Master Chief can. Okay gettin off topic. Im already having second thoughts about me reading the book again. It just gets too personal for me. Ugh its a love/hate sortta thing.
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guestbook
Actually, this song is from the film soundtrack of TARZAN.
And the film came out in 1999.
And I found this information on this site: http://www.imdb.com
This is a Phil Collins song, I believe.
And it's from the soundtrack of one of those DISNEY films that came out in the early 2000's, I think.
:) no I didn't write them. I'm not sure who did I just liked them. I'm starting to wander around this little town to see if there's something I can pull and I think an adventure is on its way! Oh the days here have been amazing... Sunny and windy together. How have u been?
Nice lyrics. Did you write them Rafael? :) How are you doing? It's turning to spring here.
Your advice in regards to this is both very wise and sound. *big smile*
I understand how singing can bring out emotions in a way that may be easier than talking about them or writing about them.
I see about the poem. And thanks for explaining about that. *big smile*
Haha Yeah we have like... 4 minutes ago? You might be a victim of short term memory loss. Um what's your name?
Haha no I'm being serious... Feels like fresh water on my face after a long nap heh heh. I guess I will stay as is... At least until someone threatens my life if I don't change haha.
Idk I just have too many supressed emotions and my voice helps me bring it out... As for the poem its a "3" part poem and it has a hidden message that inspires humor... So I just thought of it as a backwards rosetta or maybe I was just bored... Hmm idk.
I'm guessing this is a part of a story, poem, or something else?
And how does the Rosetta Stone come into this?
Refreshing? haha Are you being sarcastic? lol Why do you need to grow up? We all grow up and grow old way to soon. Dun wish for it to go faster. :)
I'm glad to hear that things have been going well for you. *big smile*
And singing is very freeing for me.
It sounds like it might be doing the same for you. :).
I hope that one day that y0u may change your mind about expressing yourself through song. :).
I'm glad to hear that you are doing all right. :).
We are all doing all right and things are going okay.
And I just woke up from a nap. So I'm still trying to get my eyes a bit more open. *BG*
Oh I'm okay. Things are sortta coasting right now which is good I guess. :) how are you?
She definitely sounds like a girl you wouldn't forget. And probably not for the best of reasons.
I was thinking of the song, '"You're So Vain" (by Carly Simon).
And then I substituted the title of this entry of the tile for the words in that song. Hee hee.
Haha I've never heard of that song... The title reminds me of "the beginning is the end is the beginning" by The Smashing Pumpkins
I immediately thought of the Carly Simon song when I see the title of this particular entry. *'BG*
Spiders really really freak me out... They're the only things that make me scream like a little girl... Oh Well its dead now so I got payback for waking everyone up with my girlish scream
:) yeah it does... No more creepy spiders sounds very good to me. So what's on your mind on this fine?
About Me
"In what country is there a place for people like me?"- Unknown FTL
Real Name:Pono Fidelia
Birthday:
Oct 21 1992
Chat Name:
Vanishing Shadow
Disposition:
______
Location:
arcadia,florida
Sex?:
i use my hand for that
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