Gods Melo, sorry. I guess I just don't blog like I used to.

Anyways, let's recap.
Last update was, by the looks of it, some time last year when I first met Francis. (French friiiiies joke.)

Let's start with THAT. He and I talked a lot, then he went to school again, we talked intermittenly, I still didn't voice my feelings, his best friend BREAKS UP with her boyfriend, tells Francis she loves him, they hook up.

Yeaaaaaaah that was a kick in the hypothetical pants. My favorite quote was, "I didn't love her back when we met." ("We" being he and I.) That happened around... End of September.

Shortly before that my father informed me he had lung cancer. This progressed in to Lung Cancer + Tumour on his back, which made him have surgery, and then unable to walk without the assistance of a walker.
Couple this further with Chemo which brought his 150lbs weight to 100lbs, then they find out the Chemo isn't working. In fact, not only that, but they found three new spots of cancer AND he had bone cancer.

Yeah, pretty much fucked.

We had one lovely Christmas all together, then shortly after New Years he started forgetting things quite easily. We speculated it had spread to his brain. A bit later, on February 7th 2010, my father passed away in his sleep.
They had brought him to the hospital that day because
1) He couldn't move around anymore anyways.
2) He'd been tossing and turning in his sleep, and had pulled out something important from his arm - so they figured now was as good a time as any.

They had nurses checking in every 15 minutes, "How you doin' Con?" "I'm fine." etc... Then a nurse asked him how he was doing, he replied "I'm beautiful." and when she came back, he had passed away. They say if he'd lived any longer, they wouldn't have been able to control the pain with medication anymore. So I suppose this was the best way he could've gone since he had to go...

The memorial is this Saturday, Feb.27th, his birthday. They want me to write a speech and read it to everyone. My step brother is making a speech, and considering he's not blood relation I feel I should at least step up to the plate lest I be frowned upon. (Being his one and only true blood offspring.)

This isn't to say I have anything against my step brother, he's just always been a lazy kind of guy who does just enough to get by. I would, every now and then, out perform him and so I think I should do SOMETHING even if I don't know what.

It's hard to say what will happen. I'm very anti-cry in public about death.

By the way, my dad was 45.

As for what's new and "more", a best friend of mine is getting married (hurrah!), I'll possibly be applying for a Psychology course at the local university, and uh... Oh, my mom got a dog.

I did have one odd moment concerning my father recently, though. I'd spent the last four or five days busy at a LAN party/etc. (planned by friends to get my mind off things, I think) and the first night home I had a dream where I woke up in my room and looked over at my computer desk (not a far glance, I assure you). My light was on, and I saw my dad standing there looking like he did before all of it.
I instantly got up and hugged him, and we were talking about things. I don't remember exactly what was said, but maybe part of it was "Live a good life" or something. It sounds familiar, anyways. At one specific moment I distinctly remember saying to him "I'm sorry."
I don't know why I'd be sorry, though. I don't drink, smoke, do drugs, have sex, etc... And I'm not a bad kid - in fact, I'm a pretty damn lucky draw considering the norm. I think though, just maybe, I might have been apologizing because I knew/was told I wouldn't remember the conversation.

I don't regret any time spent or not spent with my dad. He taught me a lot of things, and it helped me in my other experiences too. I wouldn't give up the time spent with him NOR the experiences that lessened the time with him for more of the other.

The last time I saw my father was before I left from visiting for Christmas, I just kind of knew that would be the last time I saw him, even though I didn't want to admit it to myself. I talked to him on the phone, of course. But when you're two and a half hours away with no means of getting there AND you work to help support the house... It's hard.

On to brighter topics, I just saw Percy Jackson & The Olympians: The Lightning Thief. It was a good movie, I was surprised. It appealed to my inner Greek Mythology geek, but it was truly well done. I was wary because, well, it's a best selling book for young teens. I haven't read the book, but lately book-movies haven't been up to par.

Guess that's all for now, Melo. See you.