I made Rachel this cd... well, it is only a playlist so far. I made right before I started freaking out from smoking what was some potentially laced weed. I am listening to it now. This music is crazy, what was I thinking? Actually I know exactly what I was thinking, "it is raining and I am going to sit outside in my moccasins and listen to crazy folk music and get soaking wet and not care, because Rachel will appreciate it more if she knows I made it outside in the rain"

the two most monumental people in my life almost died today.
wtf?
I am worried.

today I have seen too many ambulances and I will not sleep.

I wish things were better so I could dance a lot and not feel guilty. Or drink more and not feel guilty.

I want to call Tim to come over and lay next to me. That is normally what I would do right now, because I am weak and have loved a shitty boy for what, six years now? FUCKTHISSSS!

I am so jealous of girls who love boys that are good.

I do love posting my drunk notes about my feelings.
also. i smell like tim now which is miserable in so many ways.


your nose has to be touching your computer screen if you want to read that.

I am going to pretend that everything is good and go take another shot.

Do you ever have days where you feel good, and you are like, "oh this is how I am suppose to feel all the time I think" That is how I feel today. I feel like I can get shit done I feel like I can do my dishes. I feel like I can be happy in my apartment alone.

I spend a lot of days with Rachel. She can be fucking crazy, but I've realized that threw everything she is ALWAYS there for me in the end, and even though she tends to make me feel like a 14 year old fan girl I still love her a lot. We discussed this the other day while we were drunk and cuddling on her stairs because we couldn't make it up to the top. I remember promising to write her a love letter. At this same time we decided that we wanted to get best friend tattoos. Here they are.





Also. This is how my dog sleeps in my bed. I woke up this morning and laughed. She is lazier than me.


And I am the best twister player



I should also mention that I found a pretty bomb boy a little while ago that I love. It is gross. He isn't as fucking shady as everyone else that I know.

I need more exciting things in my life. I don't know how to phrase it properly because I guess I do things, but I only really hang out with the same two people any more. There are no exciting boys, no one to love, no one to wake up next to. No weird drama, which is good, but truthfully... I am so bored. I completely got rid of everyone who made my life exciting, because they also made me miserable. Aren't there some people who can make me excited, and NOT miserable?
I want to move, but I am kind of stuck living here for the next two years.

however, I did get drunk and this was the result.

OH and also I had a dream that I had six babies, and they were all laying on my bed with me and were very little and I couldn't move because I would crush one of them. There were three girls and three boys and I couldn't tell them apart so I didn't want to give them names. Then I had a few ex boyfriends show up to visit me, and I think they thought they were the father of the babies but I knew that they were not, however I did not know who the father was because I had not met him yet?

I sleep with a sleeping mask. Sometimes it burns my eyes because of whatever is inside of it, and sometimes I get really scared when I wake up and think that I am blind, but over all I am enjoying it I suppose. People turning on lights doesn't wake me up, plus I can not sleep early in the day... or mid day. I took this right before I went to bed.



I wish I liked shitty men, because they sure like me.

I miss when I was like 16, and trusted things people said and wasn't so fucking hard.

Two years ago today I was inlove with Ryan
Three years ago today I was inlove with Tim
Four years ago today I was inlove with Tim
FIVE years ago today I was inlove with Tim


TODAY i love NO ONE!

but it might be the bomb.



ps. one week from now I may love Tim again.

There are no words to describe how much I hate 2 nights ago, or how much I HATE Dustin.

I promise I have nothing anymore.

it's perfect

My sunburns are gone. The lake is still getting warmer everyday. I want a tire swing.

It is time to start working full time again. I need a new Toilet seat. Tim made a sign to let people know not to fall in.

Spencer is becoming my "best friend" I spend a lot of nights drunk with him and Andrew. I want to be on a reality show. Katies new BFF.

Summer feels for real. My arms are turning normal white person colored and not transparent purple, and my dresses get shorter every day.

This is a list of things I need to do asap with my next paycheck.

Shanay- New ipod
Mom- Owe money
TOILET SEAT
closet pole
clothing that doesn't fall off

I was going to end this with a picture of paris hilton on my new bff, and cover her face up with mine... but then i got too lazy.

Here is me and my dog. Who needs a bath. I kinda need a bath too actually.

So, this might be more interesting if I tell the story of how I ended up with probably 15 very hot men passed out at my house, or the story of why I am a self proclaimed alcoholic, or how Ryan and Tim wont talk to each other anymore because Ryan basically raped Tim while he was drunk,or maybe the story about how in love I am with my cousins boyfriend, but I have school at 10:30 this morning, and I already skipped work. Longest sentence ever. So I am just going to talk about other things I guess... like this nightmare I had.

I feel like possibly a lot of females can relate to this. You know how there is like shitty toilet paper at school bathrooms and stuff? It basically shreds up in your vadge as soon as it comes in contact? And then there is also that really really expensive kind that has like 5ply or something and quilted? Except that stuff sucks too because it also shreds up in your vadge asap? So you have to use the middle stuff. 2 ply; kind of thick, doesn't shred up in my vadge. (also besides the point what the fuck is up with SCENTED tp?)
Anyways so here is the nightmare. I was at someones house and they only had shitty toilet paper, but it wasn't a big deal because I have to use shit like that all the time so I don't think about it, then basically this super hot guy and I are trying to fuck, but then he gets grossed out because I have hella toilet paper pieces stuck up on me, and then I try and explain that it is toilet paper, but he doesn't believe me and thinks I have like the worst yeast infection ever. So he starts screaming at me and leaves. I woke up and checked to make sure the toilet paper thing wasn't for real.
SO now I am scared of the wrong kind of toilet paper : / Looks like I can really only pee at home now.

Thursday is when I started my 5 days of being drunk. I don't remember what happened that night actually. I think just like Spencer and Tim and Dustin and maybe Andrea and Tyler were here? Friday was pretty bomb. I layed in the sun all day with KF and Spencer while Ryan brought us pina coladas. Then Spencer and KF went to Rachel's because Nichole and Rachel were having a party there. I start downing more drinks and decide going over there sounds fun, so I called Spencer to pick me up and dipped out on the 5 people who were still at my house, because I forgot they were all there maybe? Anyways I sat with Nichole and cried about something I think,(while probably giving Rachel mean glares) and then made Spencer take my home because I was bored. I did more shit at home, but once again I don't remember. Saturday was probably when I peaked. I walked to my mormon neighbors house in my underwear to flash him. I also did inappropriate things outside on the drive way with ryan there. I also lost my dress at like 9pm and didn't find it until the next morning. It was too hot for clothes anyways. Sunday was when there were too many people at my house. Tyler and Andrea and all of Tyler's gazillion hot friends, plus Spencer, Dustin, Ryan, some bitchy girl named Allison who had sex on my bed with Dane. I don't remember anything else, except now it is Tuesday and I have school in less than an hour, and I kind of really just want to skip it and sleep off this permanent hang over.

$2 shoes!


Spencer came home : )


Wutz up Tyra. We are hella fierce.



PS. I am also more in love with Tim then I would ever like to admit. No one supports it except probably Spencer. I think he may move in, but I also just really want these cycles to end, and I am the only one who can do that. I should probably be stronger because everyone knows it is so fucked up.




Yeah right I'm not going to school. HELLO BED. That reminds me though, I should probably wash my sheets. & i forgot to say that I took up the ukulele as a morning hang over activity. I can play like 3 songs. I'm going pro.