cabaret
Don't Talk About This OnLine
As often as I hate censorship, some forms of PDA are necessary in life; the same censorship sometimes should be taken online. In my life, I have taken that more literally.
When I first became sexually active, I wanted to keep my own red-shoe diary of this. With photos, details and post this online. This would be under the impression that I was modestly sexually active. i was. Curiosity is a spice of life.
I remember those Sex ED classes when we were in elementary school where they would separate the boys from the girls, we watched a movie, and then were given this pamphlet. Shortly after, I remember my mom saying "if you give your partner everything they need, they will never leave you." She seemed to do something right because it worked for her. She got married, and stayed married.
I was quite active with my online memoirs of my sexual deviance (this was right when I first started online journaling). This is when I Kind of discovered why people used fake names on the internet - to avoid anything incriminating. This was bad, because my target demographic for reading my exploits was the people I was exploiting. That would obviously backfire, so I deleted my account. However, i still have journals and blogs saved on a file on my computer. References are always amazing.
That has made me question a lot tho - for the reference of using fake names on the internet. It is so sad when people have to pretend to be someone else, to the extent of even some people go so far as using other peoples photos and passing them off as themselves. That I hate. I know some people have so much to share, but fear of rejection. I am glad this website has encouraged individualism, with some knock off's, some betty ford's, and some originals. I've never understood why people cant just post their own pictures of themselves, and tell their own stories and use their own names...
It is a very sensitive subject for me because even to date, I still see people using my old photos from years ago. My old roommate's ex stole some of my photos from online a 2 years ago, and posted them on adult dating websites which included my phone number, house address, work number, and work address. It was kind of beyond scary - because these people knew a part of me. And I had no idea of who they were. On the club scene this is understandable while In my personal private life- I am so secluded. Where I work, heck, I don't even tell most people my occupation to avoid this problem. Yet, people still slip through the cracks.
On off days, I think I should just be a porn star, so I have no secrets. Just give it all away.
I find it so amusing how it all comes together at the end of the day. Part of us, the ones living the dream want to hide, and the ones that steal the dream are the ones who are hiding.
Switch shoes for a day, and it all comes full circle, but when you start getting blisters on your feet I will be the one laughing.
- Touch (3)
- Bang (15)
Sad Movie
"Fidelity": Don't Divorce... from Courage Campaign on Vimeo.
I know sara posted this video Last February, 2009, So sad. it is one of my favourites i had to re post it.
Tagging my entries has gone a lot better than I anticipated. it is easier to tag folders at a time, than individual entries.
This maintenance on my journals has been a good reflection on my old life. Its nice to see things on a time line and put them in place. I just wish i could sort by date.. I'm not use to viewing things backwards.
i've spent a lot of time on the this website in the last week, and a lot has paid off. its kind of nice to see the below updates. That means a lot to me, for myself and for other people. So thank you.
To any user that touch/or bang any of my entries. Please, unless you want to be anonymous please tell me that you did. I don't spend a lot of time viewing my Elite Visitor Logs. If you want to be acknowledged, please tell me.
- Touch (2)
- Bang (14)
THIS WEEKEND
Aside it being my in real life friend jordyn monroe's birthday, I want to finally update all of my melo folders, and do some serious journal maintenance.,
From my previous post, Ive been able to calculate which months I was an elite user - that being tracked down was really able to help me sort my folders, and Seriously, 2006 was a really bad year for me! I seriously think I only calculated 9 entries
WOW!!!
That is all i can say!
2006 , from what i am guessing is when i did a lot of major work on facebook - if not, the rest of it is a serious blurr
I have a lot to do this weekend, and On Monday, i will probably do some mad pic posts!
xoxo
- Touch (0)
- Bang (0)
my elite transaction history
2003
NOVEMBER
DECEMBER
2004
JANUARY
FEBRUARY - ELITE
MARCH - ELITE
APRIL - ELITE
MAY - ELITE
JUNE - ELITE
JULY - ELITE
AUGUST - ELITE
SEPTEMBER - ELITE
OCTOBER - ELITE
NOVEMBER - ELITE
DECEMBER - ELITE
2005
JANUARY - ELITE
FEBRUARY - ELITE
MARCH - ELITE
APRIL - ELITE
MAY - ELITE
JUNE - ELITE
JULY - ELITE
AUGUST - ELITE
SEPTEMBER - ELITE
OCTOBER - ELITE
NOVEMBER - ELITE
DECEMBER - ELITE
2006
JANUARY
FEBRUARY
MARCH
APRIL
MAY
JUNE
JULY
AUGUST
SEPTEMBER
OCTOBER
NOVEMBER
DECEMBER
2007
JANUARY - ELITE
FEBRUARY - ELITE
MARCH - ELITE
APRIL - ELITE
MAY - ELITE
JUNE - ELITE
JULY - ELITE
AUGUST - ELITE
SEPTEMBER - ELITE
OCTOBER - ELITE
NOVEMBER - ELITE
DECEMBER -
2008
JANUARY -
FEBRUARY -
MARCH -
APRIL -
MAY -
JUNE
JULY
AUGUST
SEPTEMBER
OCTOBER
NOVEMBER
DECEMBER - ELITE
2009
JANUARY - ELITE
FEBRUARY - ELITE
MARCH - ELITE
APRIL - ELITE
MAY - ELITE
JUNE - ELITE
JULY - ELITE
AUGUST - ELITE
SEPTEMBER
OCTOBER
NOVEMBER
DECEMBER
2010
JANUARY - ELITE
FEBRUARY - ELITE
MARCH - ELITE
APRIL - ELITE
MAY - ELITE
JUNE - ELITE
JULY - ELITE
AUGUST - ELITE
SEPTEMBER - ELITE
OCTOBER - ELITE
NOVEMBER - ELITE
DECEMBER - ELITE
2011
JANUARY - ELITE
FEBRUARY - ELITE
MARCH - ELITE
APRIL - ELITE
MAY - ELITE
JUNE - ELITE
JULY - ELITE
AUGUST
SEPTEMBER
OCTOBER
NOVEMBER
DECEMBER
I think writing this down will be easier to help me tag old entries, and perhaps make new melo folders.
It is really weird that i have nothing for 2006, and 2008.. What did i do with myself! seriously. If i get ambitious, I may go back and scan through my photo albums, and Try to do some sort of HUGE chronology of what I did with myself over these years.. just to put everything in perspective. Blackouts like this are very weird.
- Touch (1)
- Bang (3)
I HATE MINORITY GROUPS
After generations and generations of fighting for equality, I hate minority groups who use their minority status to isolate themselves from the rest of society. What Gives?
it is the same people who ask for equality, and a non - hateful environment, yet we start so much controversy and blame everyone else for our problems.
I don't treat myself as a minority when I go outside. Ok, so I am different, But i don't isolate myself because of it. I don't run away with fear when I get into conflicts with people. The only conflict's I ever get into are with my eyes. I make sure to give people something to look at and something to talk about, but I don't need to say anything for it to happen.
I don't need to talk about me specifically, I talk about this on an international school, between ethnic minorities, sexuality, everything. "They are talking down to me because i am 'gay'." No, They are talking do to you because you are a fucking idiot.
i don't even know what to think of discrimination anymore. It has so many fixed variables. Age, sexuality, body size, nationality, ethnicity, education level, class- status.. I can think of more than 100 reasons to discriminate someone, none of them are right. Stupidity is the only one worth mentioning because it definitely brings out the lol's. When you put yourself out there for be different and blame other people.. The only thing i have is
FAIL
The majority of the problems we have, we caused ourselves, but only a few of us will ever realize it. too bad.
- Touch (8)
- Bang (16)
never enough love
border line crazy
I envy those people who dedicate and sacrifice their entire lives to the goodness of someone else. To their career, or to anything to be happy. Its hard.
It is very rare for me to let real and personal feelings escape my pores. I never like to let myself be cut open even-though it is always stinging on the inside. I always want to hold my heart inside and protect it. I have very few secrets in my life, but it is the only thing I have. Everyday their is a pain inside of me, some of anger and hate, and guilt. Ive made one countless mistake in my life that I have to live with forever. Time heals, but It does not replace.
I'm sure all of us have seen a movie thats made us cry. Except my life is like that every day, but no tears are shed.
So many people try to put blame on other people, stronger people put blame on ourselves. And for myself. I put myself at fault for not trusting myself. I've never been one to be responsible for another person. In group projects I always do 150 % of the work, and down size that way I know I at least have the best possible mark.
We can always hate ourselves for the things we do, making the wrong decisions, but are we fools (and fool is a very powerful word- if you read Shakespeare) for not making the right ones? Every day when i force myself out of bed, my only drive is a sacrifice for everything I've lost. Perhaps I am afraid of disappointing someone. At the end of the day, whenever that day may be I just hope it was all worth it
- Touch (19)
- Bang (2)
FUCK!PAST
Some people run from their past and others live in it. For the love of yourself. Please don't be these people.
Quite often for me to move forward, I have to dissect my friends emotions, relationships and general understandings of life for me to get a grasp on my own life. I can take my findings and apply them on myself, and on my friends when I seek greater improvements. Maybe its crazy, maybe its normal. Maybe I'm a cat reject from the movie Autopsy.
Either way, It seems that a lot of peoples bad traits are learn-ed via osmosis. Monkey see- Monkey do. . I rather "do as I say, not as I do".
In my current state, I am glad it is my friend having a problem and not me. Its a sigh of relief. A semi close friend of mine is having a serrrious problem with relationships (i am trying to keep this ambiguous - in case my friend comes across my journal HA.). MY friends problem with relationships, is the same problem my friends parents have; and I can't blame genetics, but It is sad to see these trends being copied to the next generation. My friend has no idea what they are doing is wrong, and this is so so horrible. Its like your brain washed, and i am sitting from outside the operation room watching as a helpless bystander.
In comparison. You can never learn enough, yet, some forms of government seem to think too much information is a bad thing. I personally don't like secrets and censorship; however, in my friends shoes- my friend is afraid to disclose information.."the important stuff that you should tell your partner- to make you both equal". Secrets in relationships are bad = hell. Where is the trust.
Its sad when nobody can get through to someone because of what they have 'been through' because they have a life of fear.
Do you ever think their is a solution-- because frankly I don't :/
- Touch (2)
- Bang (0)
jon doe at the grammys
or john doe. the choice is yours
Everyone can talk about Lady Gaga's performance and few will talk about P!NK's.
Lady Gaga - ok, it was kind of classy to see her preform with Sir. Elton John, but everything else to me was just so-so. In my own views i've been fascinated with her style, her fashion, her wardrobe- and this award show frankly disappointed me to the tenth degree.
P!nk's performance to me was no shock whatsoever, but to the majority of her fan base is this generation. Missundastood. Misss P.. has been selling hit records for THE LAST TEN YEARS. Does anyone remember that she use to be very acrobatic, very flexible, and again talented. In the last clip of her song "get the party started- she does a back handspring". People are 'shocked' at her 'new talent'.. Wow, to me this is old. I'm just thankful people still hold onto their roots. Giving that Alecia Moore is 30 years old. DAMN!
I do like a lot of the music that Miss GAGA does make, don't get me wrong, but it is hard to take the gimmick away from the person. She is doing everything she can in her own situation, and props to that. she is making her own brand, and again to be 'yourself' and without sacrifice is a sacrifice in its own. Everything you ever do - when you put your blood and sweat into it gets judged by the masses. Some of us want it, some of us hate it. We know lady G. wants this, but for how long can she keep churning out this taste.. Only time will tell.
- Touch (292)
- Bang (2)
random tour
So I love this new app. its kind of fun.
Ive came across a lot of people i havent seen, I came across SARA's journal:) that made me happy. haha
I felt the need to random update because I do log in everysingle day... but I don't always post updates.
Just thought for that
Talk soon
xoxo
SAM VIP,
- Touch (86)
- Bang (14)
MOODS
Whenever i get into these irregular moods, I only listen to one song and I listen to it until my ears bead. Its not any specific song, Its any song really. As much as i appreciate what music does for the soul - i don't listen to it often enough - almost never. I'm a hypocrite in this regard because i write a lot of my own music. HA.
I've recently found myself in charge of my life again. I'm like Britney without K-Fed or conservator-ship.
it is life with me alone. I love the freedom and the control. I've sacrificed too much of myself to be left with nothing.
Ive destroyed so many circles of friends that I've recently cut off of my life like Marie Antoinette's Guillotine. Even some close friends can have abusive tendencies which I have pointed out in a previous post. I had to stop. A friend of mine more specifically, a former close friend, told me after we get into an argument that, "I would go back and befriend him" OH HELL NO.- even though he is at fault: for making false promises, carelessness, discrete forms of emotional abuse and failing to follow up on any other acts said in the moment.
This is when I just gave up. Hearing those words from another person put it all into perspective to me. I am usually the person that shares this information and gives this advice to my close friends. Now it is being dictated to me. NO.
i am extremely talented and pay attention to detail when it is everyone elses problems, but when its mine - i always hide in the closet. as assertive as i can be, I always give up at the wrong time.
At the end, I also do all the clean up and make everything look pretty on the outside when the inside keeps me rotting- This is what it feels like to be alive. I was reading one of Candy's Journals and commented- and it was enough motivation for me to write my own entry on the same topic.
I like how on the online world people get into heated argument and block people. I could look at my block list as a sick reminder of that pain, but i don't keep a block list. I don't want to have any memories of past friendships gone sour. it is easier to befriend a stranger than to go back to a sour friend. I think of these friendships gone wrong, so wrong - that you can't even make eye contact with them as bad investments. It is really sad to invest in a friendship, and divulge yourself into like a favourite dessert and have it spoiled.
I invest my life in to my friends, and relationships and to see them fall apart is sad. It is sad when people don't meet their own expectations, or pull you back. Its self destructive for both parties involved.
I am more conditioned to a life of being melo and avoiding the drama, but when it occurs - i end it.
I've often had similar posts like this one, and I'm thankful that I write them without using any names. It makes looking at my past so much easier when i can even block out my own pains.
On another note, I was having a strong conversation with a powerful friend of mine about the influences that we have on society: local and online.
It was a refreshing conversation as very few people in my life see 'life' as i do.
Maybe that is a good perspective for the rest of the world. HA. HA.
The one sad part of the conversation was the amount of pain that occurs with our lifestyles.
"Everyones opinion about me matters, but the only one that matters to me is MINE." That is one of my favourite quotes haha, but What i forgot to include is that because I am strong enough to take criticisms - it doesn't mean that my friends and my family are as strong as me. This is something that will never end.
I think subconsciously this is why so many people are afraid of dreams, and achieving them, and why parents and other people kind of hold people back because they 'don't know what will happen'. Its genuine, it is just sad to be biased. I don't really take to third party vanities. Regardless of what i do in life, i will always get good and bad, I've just gotten so bored of it- nothing means anything anymore.
When you hear every compliment and insult a thousand times, hearing it ten more times does not make a difference.. the thought does, but it doesn't last.
we try, we fail, and we win.
we have good friends and emeines, and music that writes the stories of our lifes..
what else is their
melodrama
xo
SAM VIP
- Touch (60)
- Bang (1)
Sometimes
Sometimes they love me, but what does that mean
my lonely body is covered in gasoline.
I liked it because it rhymed
Today is a bittersweet day in Toronto and I am so thankful, that I have the luxuries that I do. If i was in other places, even other parts of the city, i would not be so fortunate.
anyways as the days go and come.. as do i
xo
- Touch (4)
- Bang (1)
guestbook
Well, also, someone should not be taking your photo without your permission. That is wrong, plain and simple.
And yes, it is both very upsetting and frightening to know that someone out there could be using your photo either to try and get back at you or to make a persona for themselves. Very much so.
Some people share too much, some people don't share enough, but i draw the line at lying and when you use someone elses picture to tell your life story. :( its upsetting. i've came across a few journals on this website that have been beyond fake.its sad.. no other words for it
I've had to hide myself online at times because of things that I both said and did that both hurt others and got me into trouble (I still seem to do that. Though, I'm trying my best to work on that).
But I didn't do that very often back then. And I don't do it at all now.
I tell people who I am and I tel them things about my life that I'm comfortable sharing with them. So for the most part, I'm an open book.
But there are things that I won't share online. I dno't care who wants to know, I just won't do that because it's both very private and personal to me and I also don't feel comfortable sharing it.
lol, it doesn't matter. i just needed to get a new poll. well, i didn't but change is always good if it is in the right direction. keeps us all on our toes :)
Im just glad the movie flash dance is pg 13.. If anyone asks, just tell them Its Sam VIP, Your Favourite Tranny <3
your main profile pic is way risque for work! i feel guilty for random touring into ur melo. . . haha. hello.
WOW, I was not expecting to BAWL MY EYES OUT this morning! I pretty much lost it while watching that video. Really touching!
Hello, Sam. It's not everyday that I find someone new who's been on melo for so long. ^_^
That is kind of a fucking scary concept... but true i suppose. I've always been friends with the scariest people.. Tey go after them before they go after me. My ex last week had a gun shoved down his throat because one of his 'clients' girlfriends said he raped her and wanted to settle it. My friend is gay, so that was easy way to get out of a bad situation. he goes to me, "it was just another day at the office." I def would have lost my uterus if i was there. I was freaking out a bit when he told me. yet, i don't know what is a normal reaction.
I guess that is the reality tho, I guess a lot of what i could say could put me in jail- but i mean. I don't say it.. so I am safe. I just don't like this reality.
I, too, both touch and bang your various entries.
And I also enjoy reading what you have to both write and post on here. :).
I touch & bang your entries
quite often.
You're interesting & insightful
I enjoy your writing & I appreciate
your point of view.
i can do it fast for some of them its copy-pate the same tag. I did the Jeffree folder first since i only had 10 entries.. or so, but now some of my older folders like 2004, i have 200 entries.. that is gonna kill me :(.. but so so worth it.
I am going to be excited when i get all of my entries with "photos" tagged, so you can just click on my tag - cloud and click ' photos' and find every entry with them. That will be amazing!
I live in Hinton, Alberta, Canada.
And I need to go and find this clique in order to join it. *BG*
we say good morning to eachother every morning and i didnt hear from him all day today so i dont think iwas trying to find anything to be angry about
About how many entries do you have to reorganize?
And I wish you the very best in regards to getting things sorted out where these entries are concerned.
Oooh thanks! That's like, even less than the greyhound, I think. Good luck with the tagging!
it is painful!!! My goal is going to be 1 folder a day to tag. Yesterday i did my 2006 folder... it only had 9 entries. hah.. But the rest is going to kill me.
ps. when you come to toronto. check out via rail, they sometimes have killer seat sales! return trip = for 100 is never a bad thing
it is painful!!! My goal is going to be 1 folder a day to tag. Yesterday i did my 2006 folder... it only had 9 entries. hah.. But the rest is going to kill me.
ps. when you come to toronto. check out via rail, they sometimes have killer seat sales! return trip = for 100 is never a bad thing
Definitely this summer I'll be in your neighbourhood. Right now, all my financial efforts are going towards my trip to New York in a few months.
Sam, are you actually going back and tagging your old entries?! Let me know how that goes... lol.
i agree. When we had the old "my tabs" on melo 2.0.. |i had every melo user from canada indexed there by city../Fail.
haha. The next time you are in town, I have a crazy ass bar I want to take you to!!
We need to have Melo Canada bonfires! Except that in lieu on bonfires, we would go to strip clubs.
a bit cut off but still there :DDD omg and this layout? you have it all fucking figured out these days
As much as i go through, i have deleted a few entries .. ok maybe almost a hundred. Tagging ,sorting, all of the above is a lot of work!!
I just know it needs to be done.
googlewave is basically like an email version of a chat client.
you write an email - but it is sent in real time. so if i am typing on the keyboard, you see the letters as i am typing them, in an email application prettymuch. It would have more use on a social networking website i feel than email. If gmail owned facebook ... then i would see more potential.. but now its just a lost cause. I just stick to melo for my journals. Facebook for my contacts (irl).. and im happy
hah :D Enjoy your weekend ma lady <3
cabaret
About Me
SPEED ISN'T FAST ENOUGH
Real Name:SAM VIP
Birthday:
Dec 31 2009
Location:
TORONTO, CANADA
Folders
| Public |
public |
| Melo Canada |
public |
| 2003 |
public |
| 2004 |
public |
| 2005 |
public |
| 2006 |
public |
| 2007 |
public |
| 2008 |
public |
| 2009 |
public |
| 2010 Archives |
public |
| A Day in the Life |
public |
| Exsanguination |
public |
| Ghost Writing |
public |
| Melo |
public |
| BLACKOUT PERIOD |
public |
| Self Image |
public |
| Jeffree CUNT Star |
public |
| Quotes |
public |
| YouTube |
public |
Tagging
Statistics
Today:
| Banged | 27 |
| Posts | 1 |
| Gspots | 8 |
| Hits | 106 |
| Touches | 226 |
| Touched | 4 |
All Time:
| Bangs | 30 |
| Banged | 113 |
| Posts | 622 |
| Gspots | 2,759 |
| Hits | 12,349 |
| Touches | 6,593 |
| Touched | 1,039 |
| Virgins | 22 |
| Karma | 2,255 |
Details
| Joined | Nov.24.03 |
| Online | Feb.08.10 |
This member is elite.
Discretion is key any time you endeavour to tell the truth, even more so if that truth is a difficult one--which in my opinion most truths are. I sometimes think the concept of privacy is lost to this new e-generation. I think I'll start calling them e-generates :-). Even so I very much understand the need to gut yourself in front of an audience. I do think the world would fall apart if we all dropped our pretenses. You should check out my "If no one quotes you" folder---you would like the Oscar Wilde quotes. In a perfect world I would read & write all day long & invite you over for tea on the weekends so you could fill me in on who's doing what (or who) in Toronto. Yeah....I talk too much.