blueandgold
I'm losing it
I'm at my breaking point. I can no longer hold back my anger. I feel it all the time. I kicked my mom out of the house. She threw a knife at my dad. She continues harass me about it saying she has no where to go. That I dont love her and all this other shit. She is pushing the right buttons and I can only kick down the door for so long. I just want some kind of stability, just something I can count on. For now i'll try to keep it under check.
- Touch (0)
- Bang (0)
I am my worst own enemy
I can't believe that I am so gutless. I want to tell you how powerless I am when you gaze at me, how much excitement I get when you call me, the joy I feel of the thought of you thinking of me. But I am paralyzed. I cannot possibly tell you how I feel because I am too focused on the end. I have seen first hand the deteriation of a relationship between two people when love doesnt exist. The arguements and violence that has plagued my childhood. I am the person I have become because of these verbal spats and physical violence witnessed throughout my life. And my biggest fear is repeating the cycle. I much rather live and die alone than to put somebody through misery. Nobody should be subjected to this kind of bullshit and I like to believe that I break the mold. But I keep on thinking, maybe I have those genes that project rage and soforth. Maybe I am not supposed to have my feelings recipicated because I could not possibly cope with the idea of love. The idea of love has been ruined with the bitterness and revenage throughout my parent's relationship. I have told myslef that I can overcome such adversories but I find myslef in the same position. Too afraid to post this on Myspace where you can see it. Too afraid to tell my true feelings becuase I already see the doom in our relationship. I wont take a chance because my past has already predicted my future outcome. That I am destined to fail, that I cannot possibly understand the dynamics of love.
And what pisses me off most is that I saw this coming. I knew that I would have feelings for you with little to no chance. But yet... I still continued to go on with these feelings. Knowing that the asshole in your life would still out win your heart. But yet I accept it becuase I cannot possibly understand the concept of love. That good girls would always sway away from the safe pick to a dangerous renegade. Maybe I am drunk off my ass and need to go to sleep. But I think Neto has the right advice, " I am going to go back and turn this car around and you are going to tell her exactly how you feel." I wish I had the mental confidence to do such an act.
Ruben
And what pisses me off most is that I saw this coming. I knew that I would have feelings for you with little to no chance. But yet... I still continued to go on with these feelings. Knowing that the asshole in your life would still out win your heart. But yet I accept it becuase I cannot possibly understand the concept of love. That good girls would always sway away from the safe pick to a dangerous renegade. Maybe I am drunk off my ass and need to go to sleep. But I think Neto has the right advice, " I am going to go back and turn this car around and you are going to tell her exactly how you feel." I wish I had the mental confidence to do such an act.
Ruben
- Touch (0)
- Bang (0)
If you were to die I would be sad...
I would be sad because I wouldn't care. I can receive a call right now saying that you have died and I would still go about my day. Does that make me a bad person?? Is it bad that I would be happier, my life more easier if you died?? I'm sorry if you feel that I am abandoning you but what you ask I just can't do. You are asking me to put my life on hold, my school, my aspirations, my goals. If I stop for you, I'm going to get trapped in a glass box, watching everybody else accomplish their dreams while I waste away at a dead end job.
I can't explain it better to you than I already have. But from your reaction, I know you don't agree. I hope eventually you understand why I can't help you. If you want to continue to guilt trip me go ahead. If you want to continue to try to turn the family against me go ahead. If you want to continue to call me a bad son go ahead. Maybe I am being selfish, or maybe there's just too much hurt and emptiness in my heart caused by you.
RIP Mom
I can't explain it better to you than I already have. But from your reaction, I know you don't agree. I hope eventually you understand why I can't help you. If you want to continue to guilt trip me go ahead. If you want to continue to try to turn the family against me go ahead. If you want to continue to call me a bad son go ahead. Maybe I am being selfish, or maybe there's just too much hurt and emptiness in my heart caused by you.
RIP Mom
- Touch (0)
- Bang (0)
self torture
Why do i do this to myself? Why must I continue to purposely hurt myself? Its because I want to keep on torturing myself. Its because I deserve everything. Because if I let go what I did it would seem that it was okay to do it. I know it was wrong and will always live with guilt. No matter what I do to try to negate it, it will always be in the back of my mind, in the pit of my stomach, right smack in my heart. I'm not that person anymore, but I refuse to let go. No matter how many people I help, it will never make me satisfied. It's not God thats punishing me, its me, my own self will.
- Touch (0)
- Bang (0)
drunken conclusion
I just realized that I dont like her, well at least as I did last week. Maybe it was because I found out about the other guy, maybe I do but its just a way of me masking my feelings, maybe its just my defense mechenism kicking in.. But today I saw her, hung out, and I can tell you that I did not feel anything for her. I dont consider this an accomplishment but more of a setback. I kinda gave up on a situation that could have gone either way. But the real test is seening her tomorrow because alcohol will be invovled and I believe that wine tells the truth. So I guess we shall see. I'm gonna go pass out now since i'm drunk for the sole reason that i'm done with finals. Man, does the sun looks bright coming up at 6 in the morning.
Ruben
Ruben
- Touch (0)
- Bang (0)
My druken rant
I just fucken give up. I dont get people at all. Why would somebody continually go back to a person whom makes them cry, hurts them over and over agian, makes them feel like shit? Neglecting their girlfriend/ boyfriend, not calling to say happy Valentines day, flaunting other girls in front of you. And people put up with it, why? Its because of dependence, people are afraid to go out alone by themselves in the real world. People have trouble being independent and need some sort of reassurance. Another thing, you cant create love, the ideal image in your head of a person distorats reality. I've fallen for this many times. There's two different kinds of love, one that is mutural and one that is of a complete dependence You dont need the second kind of love, continually searching for love in order to to find depence is wrong. All the love that you need has already been bestowed upon you. The whole reason why I am writing this, besides the cuervo, is because the girl I have feelings for likes an asshole. Its mind boggling to me how bad he treats herand what he says to her. But she keeps going back to him. Am I missing something here? I thought girls wanted a nice guy to treat them right? Maybe the saying is the saying is the saying is true, that nice guys finish last. I'm sorry if I cant change my personality, the way who i am, the values I hold close to me. Maybe its God punising me for all the horrible things that I've done in my life. If thats the case, i accept it because I do deserve it. I think He sees me unfit for love, for what I did and for what I almost did. Maybe this has been my lesson for 8 years, to learn how to love myself. Or maybe i'm just drunk and im trying to justify my anger. Either way, life sucks, but its not going to stop for you. So just pull yourslef up and keep wading with the waves.
- Touch (0)
- Bang (0)
Just check yes or no
I dont get the female gender. Why do they have to be so complicated?? What ever happen to those junior high days when the guy slipped a note to the girl asking them if they like them or not. You get a quick response and know whether to move on or not. The good ol' days. Now you got to piece together clues , find out what are hints, read between the lines and other stupid shit. Its just exhausting. I have a hard time figuring out what day it is so there is no way in hell that i'm gonna know the difference between a flirting laugh and an actual laugh.
For example, my situation. A certain someone, lets just call her Latifah. We met and clicked right away. She calls me and invites me to parties. And a good majority of the time at these parties we dance with each other only. We talk on the phone and we crack jokes make each other laugh. Then Latifah says she has been seening this other guy, call him tito, for a couple of weeks now. What? Did i miss something? Did i do something wrong? Did i not understand the situation properlly? WTF Mate.
So fuck it, i'm not going to try to get into a relationship unless I see that note that asks me to check of yes or no. I'm done playing games, unless its tennis then i'm up for it.
Sounds Good
For example, my situation. A certain someone, lets just call her Latifah. We met and clicked right away. She calls me and invites me to parties. And a good majority of the time at these parties we dance with each other only. We talk on the phone and we crack jokes make each other laugh. Then Latifah says she has been seening this other guy, call him tito, for a couple of weeks now. What? Did i miss something? Did i do something wrong? Did i not understand the situation properlly? WTF Mate.
So fuck it, i'm not going to try to get into a relationship unless I see that note that asks me to check of yes or no. I'm done playing games, unless its tennis then i'm up for it.
Sounds Good
- Touch (0)
- Bang (0)
New Year update
I just looked at my last entry and its been nearly two months and a lot has happen. So i decided to update it for the few melo diehards that are out there. During my three week vacation I only spent 4 days back at home. The minute I got home i wanted to leave. Luckily I have that opition cuz my place is not that far from Pico. Christmas was fun, got to see the family. I love messig around with the entire family cuz its so easy and a very comfortable atmosphere.
New years was fun, but not eve. Midnight was spent in a car but its cool cuz we all made up for it at the party. Got a lot of funny and good pictures. Good memories.
School means nothing to me. I am trying to get inspiration from somewhere but its just not coming to me. My lack of interest has really affected my grades but I could care less. People freak when I tell them what I got, that makes me laugh. Its not that serious, well kinda, but its not the end of the world. I can think of far worse things to happen. Everything will be fine, i gots faith. I'll graduate but just barely and thats all I am seeking.
Had another meeting with my extended family and got to say that we got the short end of the stick. They live in Palace verdes, god damn rich area. But they aren't snobby, they are real cool peeps. Got to make fun of them and they laughed and bit back. I think meeting them means more than my mom even though they are her half bros and sis. Mom would rather talk to her friends or guy than be there. She was always on the phone and looking at the time to leave. I gave up on that situation.
Oh yeah i cut my hair and am i glad that it's gone. I had to cuz i'm getting a new job and I want to be presentable. The rate that my hair was growing would have taken another year and I thought a year and 7 months was plenty enough.
Well thats about it, see you all in another 2 months
Ruben
New years was fun, but not eve. Midnight was spent in a car but its cool cuz we all made up for it at the party. Got a lot of funny and good pictures. Good memories.
School means nothing to me. I am trying to get inspiration from somewhere but its just not coming to me. My lack of interest has really affected my grades but I could care less. People freak when I tell them what I got, that makes me laugh. Its not that serious, well kinda, but its not the end of the world. I can think of far worse things to happen. Everything will be fine, i gots faith. I'll graduate but just barely and thats all I am seeking.
Had another meeting with my extended family and got to say that we got the short end of the stick. They live in Palace verdes, god damn rich area. But they aren't snobby, they are real cool peeps. Got to make fun of them and they laughed and bit back. I think meeting them means more than my mom even though they are her half bros and sis. Mom would rather talk to her friends or guy than be there. She was always on the phone and looking at the time to leave. I gave up on that situation.
Oh yeah i cut my hair and am i glad that it's gone. I had to cuz i'm getting a new job and I want to be presentable. The rate that my hair was growing would have taken another year and I thought a year and 7 months was plenty enough.
Well thats about it, see you all in another 2 months
Ruben
- Touch (0)
- Bang (0)
Thanksgiving weekend
Thought maybe I'll up date this page, i mean it has been almost 5 months. Thursday was Thanksgiving day and it was pretty good. Just about every one came, even the cousin who has become a white girl. Got to see all of my little cousins including the one month year old. Had a chance to talk to my uncle Marcos which I havent done since he moved out. Had a great talk about his life and everything he has put his family through. 30 months sober, no alcohol, cocaine, or meth. I see the joy in his eyes when he holds his grandson. One of my other uncles introduced his kids to Marcos as their uncle. It was really something else but my two uncles have been at each others throats for a long time. I saw the tears in my uncles marcos eyes as he was happy to stand and pose with his new grandson and son in law.
friday was our annual turkey bowl game. nothing like playing football to remind all of us that we are fat and out of shape. Many highlights of the day including slipping and following in the mud, trying to tackle a three hundred pounder, chez boucning off andy. Had fun, but my body felt it for the rest of the weekend.
Sat met my long lost uncles and aunt. They are funny people. It turns out that my real grandfather was an complete asshole. He has been dead for three years and people just found out 2 months ago. Apparently he was abusive, neglectful.... hey sounds familar. But none of his kids would give him the time of day. The last time he saw his son was when he came back from war.... the vietnam war. And he was even worse with his other kids. its just weird to find out so much about my family members because its hard to believe that somebody would actually do that.
Got into a fight again with my mom. Apparently being surrounded with her brothers and sisters saying how neglectful their father was didnt sink into her brain. She wanted to go out with her friends and was going to leave my lil bro alone in the house. It just never ends.
So after this weekend i have absolutly no intentions to go back to my house. The most I can visit is 3 hours before everything goes to hell. Well time to sleep at work
Ruben
friday was our annual turkey bowl game. nothing like playing football to remind all of us that we are fat and out of shape. Many highlights of the day including slipping and following in the mud, trying to tackle a three hundred pounder, chez boucning off andy. Had fun, but my body felt it for the rest of the weekend.
Sat met my long lost uncles and aunt. They are funny people. It turns out that my real grandfather was an complete asshole. He has been dead for three years and people just found out 2 months ago. Apparently he was abusive, neglectful.... hey sounds familar. But none of his kids would give him the time of day. The last time he saw his son was when he came back from war.... the vietnam war. And he was even worse with his other kids. its just weird to find out so much about my family members because its hard to believe that somebody would actually do that.
Got into a fight again with my mom. Apparently being surrounded with her brothers and sisters saying how neglectful their father was didnt sink into her brain. She wanted to go out with her friends and was going to leave my lil bro alone in the house. It just never ends.
So after this weekend i have absolutly no intentions to go back to my house. The most I can visit is 3 hours before everything goes to hell. Well time to sleep at work
Ruben
- Touch (0)
- Bang (0)
I really hate jelly now
So here is a quick long recap of my weekend.
Friday I worked from 1pm to 12am. I had to in order to get the next day off. So off to Saturday.
Pao called me in the morning to help out with setting up her Eve's quincenita. So me, stick man, and stick man 2 head down to Pasadena at 830 to do our duty. That process only took 3 hours. We got back at about 1145ish and I was too tired to make it to the church service. I slept in, took a shower and headed off to Glows so she could do my hair. My hair is a mess but on the bright side it will look good for my halloween costume i'm planning on wearing. After we get all glitz up, we start taking prom pictures. Man, I guess we are getting old. Mr chez comes and we head down to Bonnies pick her up
So we enter Bonnies street and there are cops on her block, which is really no surprise. She lives in a dead end so mr chez goes around the cops and stops in the street while I go in and get bonnie. The entire process takes about 3 min. Mind you, its a dead end street so no cars are passing through. We get in the car and the cop is facing us and backing out of the street, which is kinda dangerous. We needed to make a left but the cop was blocking our path and he wasnt looking at us. So we were forced to make a right. We had to make a giant u-turn which took about 4 mins total. All of sudden we hear the sirens and we get pulled over. The same cop asks us if we know what we did wrong. Stupid Chez starts naming the entire list of possibilities. He says it was because when we picked up bonnie, we were on the wrong side of the road. Damn you cops. He just wanted to harass us. Nothing happened and we went on our journey.
It was cool having everyone together again. It rarely happens now with people working, going to school, and stupid grudges. I had a blast and danced the entire night. Best part of the night for me was seening Bonnie slightly buzz and just making everybody laugh. My goal was to dance with every girl but Val had to ruin it for me by wearing heels and not wanted to dance. Neto brought his new girl and she seems really cool. Bonnie approves of her, but I dont think it really matters to him. The best comment was when the PeeWee herman song came on and neto was doing his best imitation. Val said to Letty, "You waited 6 months to see him do the PeeWee Herman dance." It was a great night
Sunday
Worked but i got off 2 hours early. Val called me and we went to see the Island. Scarlett Johanson is the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. And her comedic timing is great.
Monday
There was a plan beach trip to celebrate anthony's b-day. I had to be back by 6 for my game. I wasnt going to go cuz everybody that had to come home early bailed out so i didnt want to be the only one leaving early. But it was my bros b-day the next day so i decided what the hell and take him. We got there, played a little football, got hot so we went to the ocean. We are swimming having a good time when....POW, i get this sharp stining on my leg. There are swarms of jelly fish right off the shore. It didnt hurt as bad as i thought it was going to but it did irritate me. Luckly I had some friends who were going to pee on my leg, but the lifeguard had a spray for it so it was all good. We head back to the pit and play some more football. Then 5 came by and i had to go and get ready for my game.
I am on a softball team and this season is the only season in which we dont suck. It was the last inning and we were up by four. I was catching which is really an insignificant position. The ball is hit, there is a guy rounding third trying to score. The throw comes in, I catch it and start turning to the guy. So as I begin to turn towards him I see him lowering his shoulder. He comes in full speed and its a direct hit to my shoulder. I go flying back, but my beanie stays on so my hair doesnt get in my face, but I was able to hang onto the ball. It didnt hurt at first but at night I couldnt sleep on my shoulder. It was fun though and I would do it again in a heart beat. Sounds Good
Friday I worked from 1pm to 12am. I had to in order to get the next day off. So off to Saturday.
Pao called me in the morning to help out with setting up her Eve's quincenita. So me, stick man, and stick man 2 head down to Pasadena at 830 to do our duty. That process only took 3 hours. We got back at about 1145ish and I was too tired to make it to the church service. I slept in, took a shower and headed off to Glows so she could do my hair. My hair is a mess but on the bright side it will look good for my halloween costume i'm planning on wearing. After we get all glitz up, we start taking prom pictures. Man, I guess we are getting old. Mr chez comes and we head down to Bonnies pick her up
So we enter Bonnies street and there are cops on her block, which is really no surprise. She lives in a dead end so mr chez goes around the cops and stops in the street while I go in and get bonnie. The entire process takes about 3 min. Mind you, its a dead end street so no cars are passing through. We get in the car and the cop is facing us and backing out of the street, which is kinda dangerous. We needed to make a left but the cop was blocking our path and he wasnt looking at us. So we were forced to make a right. We had to make a giant u-turn which took about 4 mins total. All of sudden we hear the sirens and we get pulled over. The same cop asks us if we know what we did wrong. Stupid Chez starts naming the entire list of possibilities. He says it was because when we picked up bonnie, we were on the wrong side of the road. Damn you cops. He just wanted to harass us. Nothing happened and we went on our journey.
It was cool having everyone together again. It rarely happens now with people working, going to school, and stupid grudges. I had a blast and danced the entire night. Best part of the night for me was seening Bonnie slightly buzz and just making everybody laugh. My goal was to dance with every girl but Val had to ruin it for me by wearing heels and not wanted to dance. Neto brought his new girl and she seems really cool. Bonnie approves of her, but I dont think it really matters to him. The best comment was when the PeeWee herman song came on and neto was doing his best imitation. Val said to Letty, "You waited 6 months to see him do the PeeWee Herman dance." It was a great night
Sunday
Worked but i got off 2 hours early. Val called me and we went to see the Island. Scarlett Johanson is the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. And her comedic timing is great.
Monday
There was a plan beach trip to celebrate anthony's b-day. I had to be back by 6 for my game. I wasnt going to go cuz everybody that had to come home early bailed out so i didnt want to be the only one leaving early. But it was my bros b-day the next day so i decided what the hell and take him. We got there, played a little football, got hot so we went to the ocean. We are swimming having a good time when....POW, i get this sharp stining on my leg. There are swarms of jelly fish right off the shore. It didnt hurt as bad as i thought it was going to but it did irritate me. Luckly I had some friends who were going to pee on my leg, but the lifeguard had a spray for it so it was all good. We head back to the pit and play some more football. Then 5 came by and i had to go and get ready for my game.
I am on a softball team and this season is the only season in which we dont suck. It was the last inning and we were up by four. I was catching which is really an insignificant position. The ball is hit, there is a guy rounding third trying to score. The throw comes in, I catch it and start turning to the guy. So as I begin to turn towards him I see him lowering his shoulder. He comes in full speed and its a direct hit to my shoulder. I go flying back, but my beanie stays on so my hair doesnt get in my face, but I was able to hang onto the ball. It didnt hurt at first but at night I couldnt sleep on my shoulder. It was fun though and I would do it again in a heart beat. Sounds Good
- Touch (0)
- Bang (0)
Just because I have nothing to do at work
1.full name: Ruben Santos Dominguez
2.bday: August 5, 1984
3.birth state: CA
4.birth town: Montebello
5.what hospital: Montebello
6.last 4 digits of cell: 0470
7.house number (last 4): 2743
8.weight at birth: 8.5 just like my b-day
10.time of birth: 5 am
11.height: 5'6ish
12.eye color: Brown
13.tan/pale/black/mixed: tan
14.ethnicity: mexican
15.parents names: Jose, Isabel
16.pets: 3 gatos, kitty, mask, climber
17.how many bedrooms in your house: 2 rooms 3 beds
18.kinda car you have: Nissan Sentra 05
19.kinda car your parents have: Nissan Altima 04, Camry 00.
20.school: UCLA
21.class of: 2002
22.sports: Cant do the running
23.sports played: Tennis, baseball, basketball, softball
24.grades: Its just like a drawing class, sketchy
25.age: 20
26.sex: male
27.3 words to describe you: Sarcastic, Weird, what?
28.siblings-age/name: Joseph, 11
29.live with: Bro, ma, pa
30.piercings: None
31.tattoos: Just give me some time and money
32.grade school: Rivera homes
33.color of room: greenish
34.color of carpet: green
35.room size: tight fit
36.bed size: twin
37.sheet colors: dalmation colors, I just like my bros sheets
38.how many pillows: 1
39.shoe size: 9 1/2
40.pant size: 36
41.shirt size: lg
42. bra size (girls): 32 A
43.whats in your room: Clothes, bed, computer, tv, ants, spiders, dirty cups, books, money, ps2, pictures
44.kinda computer: Dude you gotta get a Dell
45.color computer: A Stallion black
46.color car: Black with white shit stains
47.money in your bank account: 2 G's, plus another 700 pay check on the way
48.posters in room: A kobe, and a Yugio
49.hair color: brown
50.kinda hair(curly, straight...): curly and puffy
f.a.v.o.r.i.t.e.s
51.girl names : Eledina
52.guy names : Jacomb
53.song : Nirvana, where did you sleep last night
54.cd : The best of Nirvana
55.scent : Musky
56.emotion : pestimisically optimistic
57.texture: leather
58.thing to do : absolutly nothing
59.place : The Ice House
60.cartoon: Family guy, oh yeah
61.book : America the book
62.subject : History
63.shampoo : Head and shoulders knees and toes knees and toes
64.sport : baseball junkie
65.color : Blue
66.food : Enchiladas
67.drink : Gatorade
68.alcohol : I'll tell you in 3 weeks
69 number : 18
70.basketball team: HeaT
71.baseball team : Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim
72.football team : Da Raiderz
73.hockey team : quack, Quack, QUack, QUAck, QUACk, QUACK!!!, GOOO DUCKS!!
74.underwear : I perfer commando thank you very much
75.store : Best Boy
76.fast food : Nothing like 99 cent tacos from jacks
77.eat in : Enchiladas
78.breakfast place : Dennys
79.breakfast food : Hotcakes
80.sound: You are SOOO HOT, I need to take you in the back
81.car : The Tumbler
82.show : The Daily Show with Jon Stewart
83.animal : Here lizard lizard lizard
84.snack : frosted flakes, theyre grrrreat
85.thing to do with friends : Flicks, cards, tennis, dinner
86.thing to do with crush/bf/gf : spoon, yeah i know i'm gay
87.brand of clothes : Anything thats free
88.brand of shoes : the cheapiest pair
89.sport to watch : BASEBALL!!! LETS GO ANGELS LETS GO
90.gum : Spearmint cuz I like the name, hehehe
91.candy : Spree
92.flavor: Lemon
93.skittles : They all taste the same, like crap
94.starburst : orange
95.koolaid : It doesnt matter cuz i drown it out with sugar
96.pop : sprite, i mean 7up, no no no...Sierra Mist. Well that flavor
97.jolly rancher : Apple
98.person : Willy Wonka, and of course David. But I cant decide whos weirder
99.actor : Don Cheadle, "Take care of my family I must stay with the others."
100.actress : Dakota Fanning, "CREASY!!!" Oh please somebody help her
101.female singer : Do they exist, Kelly Clarkson
102.male singer : Mr. Cobain, Kurt
103.rapper : Immortal Technique, hes underground
l.o.v.e. l.i.f.e
104.do you have a bf/gf? Not at the moment
105.if so whats their name?: Palm-ela
106.how long have you been together?: My entire life
107.are you in love? no, not really
108.have you ever been in love? I cant say I have
109.if u dont have a bf/gf whos ur crush: Like forrest gump would say, Jen-ney
110.how long have u liked them? Had a thing for her for about 2 years
111.would u go out with them right now?: In a heartbeat
112.longest relationship: Wouldnt really call it a relationship but 4 months
113.shortest: a couple of days
114.are you a playa? Ha...thats funny
115.whats the furthest you have gone?: Ive gone to the moon and back...and then I woke up
116.who was ur best kiss : Jen, another Jen. It seems that I have a thing for people name Jen
117.first kiss? Jen
118.grossest kiss : Brenda, How can you get a sloppy kiss when doing close mouth?
119.who do u think is the best looking guy/girl you have ever talked to? : Elisha Cuthbert....HOTTIE
120 - hey! where did this question go?: Up your ass right next to the two chicken mcnuggets
121.who would u kiss if u could kiss anyone in the world? (not counting ur crush/g/f/b/f.): Angline Jolie, I can get lost in those lips
122.whats ur fav sexual thing to do? At this point, any sexual thing
123.if u have been in love (with who): Love actually...no
124.still in love? no sir, cant help you there
125.miss em? not in the least, but I dont mind being around her
126.regret being with them: It was great while it lasted
127.still friends? Indeed
d.o. y.o.u b.e.l.i.e.v.e i.n......
128.aliens : Believe there is life on some other planet but not with the capablities to visit us
129.ghosts: Well of course, havent you seen ghost busters?
130.god : I believe there is a higher power, not necessarly a christian, Muslim, or Hindu god.
131.satan : Yes I do
132.heaven : You bet your lucky stars
133.hell : Hell yes
134.afterlife : Yes and it better be better than this one
135.love at first sight : Lust at first sight yes I do
136.santa : Well after I saw Bad Santa, i hope not
137.what comes around goes around : Come again? yes I do
w.h.i.c.h o.n.e?
138.gym shoes/sandals : Give me my sneeks
139.dvd/vcr : DVD
140.thong/panties (guys answer) : It doesnt matter as long as it is off by the end of the night...hahaha..thats such a guys answer
141.boxer/briefs (girls answer) :
143.spring/fall : Fall
144.make love/cuddle : make some sweet loven
145.kiss/hug : I like the word Embracing
146.chocolate/vanilla: Vanilla
147.juice/pop : juice
148.chill/party : Kicking it
149.draw/write : Since I cant draw...write
150.nite/day : I'm such a night owl
151.capris/shorts : Those long shorts that looks like I'm wearing pants
152.make-up/none : I like them natural
153.shower/bath : Shower, and perferably daily
154.food/drink : food
155.drive/walk : Walk, I drive too much as it is already
156.Rancid/Nofx: Nofx
157.Sublime/Nirvana: Nobody can beat Nirvana
158.christina/britney : Christina cuz she's dirty
159.nelly/luda : STAND UP!!
160.ja rule/50 : I like 50, just a little big
161.pizza/spaghetti : pizza
162.chinese/mexican: Mexican
163.pink/purple : what about violet
164.red/blue : blue
165.scared/nervous : nevous
166.mad/sad : mad
p.a.s.t
167.best memory : Every memory before I turned 7
168.worst memory : Multiple worst memories, all of my family funerals
169.do u regreat anything u ever did?: I do
170.best childhood memory?: My grandma helping me read a book while blind in bed
171.what were you scared of as a child?: the dark
172.what was ur favorite cartoon growin up? Teenage mutant turtles, Spiderman and batman
173.favorite stuffed animal/blankie/etc: My giant ninja turtle
174.did u suck ur thumb? No
175.do u still have any of the same friends u did when u were 7 and under?: Mr dave, pao, camilo, lady dawn
n.o.w
176.what are you doing right now? I'm in the OC working
177.are you listenin to music? Yes I am
178.if so what song? Taking Back Sunday, This Photograph is Proof
179.what is in your cd player?: Whats a CD Player? is that the thing before IPOD?
180.who are you talking to? A customer on the phone
181.if ur a girl are u wearing nail polish? I am not a girl and I'm wearing nail Polish
182.what color? Nah I'm just kidding
183.what are you wearing? Some shirts, my yellow charlie brown shirts, and some ripped boxers
184.what are you thinking right now?: How much longer until I can go to sleep
185.what did u to today?: woke up, ate, went to work
f.u.t.u.r.e
186.what do you wanna be?: i want to be a chicita banana, and possibly a teacher on the side
187.where do you wanna live?: In a little town called Pico Rivera
188.who do u wanna marry?: a girl that I can grow old with
189.do you wanna get married? Of course
190.do you wanna have kids? That would mean the most to me
191.if so... how many? 3, i'm fascinated with the middle child anxiety
192.if u could marry anyone who would it be?: Somebody who wants the simple things in life
l.a.s.t t.i.m.e. y.o.u......
193.kissed : Months
194.cried : week ago
195.said something : Welcome to SteelHawk how can I help you?
196.ate dinner : I had Casa Garcia on Sunday
197.drank : An extra large coke
198.excersised : Sunday at work climbing those damn hills
199.made love : it seems like ages ago, in fact i think it was
200.read a book on your own time : a week ago
201.had a bf/gf : dont really want to call it a girlfriend
202.danced : I dance all the time, its just that nobody is there to see me
203.showered : right when I woke up
204.brushed your teeth : while in the shower.
h.a.v.e. y.o.u. e.v.e.r
205.smoked a cigerette? Nope
206.cigar? I love those Cubans
207.crack? nah
208.weed? Havent done the ganja
209.been high?: cant say i have
210. hey - where did this question go?: it probably went to hang out with the other question up your ass next to the chicken mcnuggets
211.said i hope you die to someone?: No, but I said I hated you
212.tried to kill someone ?: Not for reals, but for fake
213.tried to kill yourself ?: Cant say that I have
214.got in a fist fight ? Them be fighting words
215.lied to your parents : Its kinda hard to lie when you dont really talk to them
216.if so.. about what?: places I go i guess
217.lied to your friends?: All the time,
218.if so.. about what? I tell them they are smart and they fall for it...ha suckers
219.bungee jumped? I went on one of those swing things at six flags but I dont know if it counts
220.skydive? Not yet
221.been drunk?: Give me a couple of weeks
222.been totally smashed ?: damnit, hold on i said
24.skinny-dipped?: yes, there's nothing like being nude in the sink at 2 years old
225.driven illegally?: Yes i have officer, please dont tell my parents
226.ditched someone?: I have
227.freak danced?: I dont know what freak dancing is anymore, I just thought it was the norm
228.stole something?: Oh yes i have indeed
229.if so... what?: BB's from work, man i'm cheap
230.skipped school?: Whenever I dont feel like going
231.hung up on someone?: ah...thats a good feeling
232.if so.. who? my mom
233.and why? for asking the same question over and over
234.wore something revealing (girls) :
235.wore something thuggish (guys) : Ha...I wanted to be a vato my freshmen year
236.kissed someone of the same sex?: Does my bro count?
237.done anything sexually with the same sex?: I cant say that I have
238.snuck out?: No need to
239.been to a school dance? Yes I have
240.if so.. how many?: 2
w.h.a.t c.o.m.e.s t.o m.i.n.d
241.lotion : soft hands
242.rubber : "I pulled back the covers, then I found the rubber"
243.cd : burner
244.bed : wetter
245.paper : or plastic
246.water: H2o
247.candle : stick
248.mouse pad : computer
249.sweatshirt: preppy
250 door : knob
251.pictures : on my wall
252.stars : and stripes
253.deodorant: minty
254.pencil : pen
255.sex : its a boy
256.radio : KROQ
f.r.i.e.n.d.s
257. best girl friends (only three) :vero (Cousin) Glow, Lady Dawn
258. best guy friends: (only three): mr dave, camote, mr chez
249.prettiest: GLow glow
250.shortest: michelle
251.tallest: camilo
252.best eyes: lady dawn
253.most inside jokes: camilo, and then she said Its against policy...Ha, it just cracks us up
254.best advice giver: wanna
255.comes to you for anything: alma
256.chill with the most: nobody at this point in my life
257.laugh with the most: camilo
258. biggest playa: that has to be mr chez
259.best hair: mr chez when he had the wolverine
260.best hair do-er: I dont know but I need one soon
261.best make up do-er: I must say, camilo really knows how to put on some eye shadow
262.funniest: Camilo
263.blondest: Camilo with his
264.most serious: nobody
265.most opinionated: neto
266.most organized: i dont know but defintely not me
267.smartest: neto
268.most athletic?: i would say camilo but I dust him in baseketball
269.be friends with forever no doubts: mr dave, alma, lady dawn
w.h.a.t y.o.u t.h.i.n.k a.b.o.u.t
270.ja rule: poser
271.eminem : ass like that, I like his lyrics and emotion
272.disturbed : oooohhh AAAHHH AAAHH AHH AAAAHH
273.boybands : just playing ol gay
274.war : what is it good for absoutly nothing
274.9-11 : Thank you prez Bush for capturing Osama Bin Laden.
275. 50 cent : No talent rapper who I can barely understand but all the girls like his music so I do too
276.elton john : Tiny Dancer
277.homosexuality: let them marry
279.abortion : would rather have the kid be born but not my choice
280.aaliyah : Its been too long and I'm lost without you, i dont know what to do, but I need you, watching you.
281.Lars Fredricksen : for some reason Frankenstein
282.concerts : Love them, just hate the broken ankles part
283.love/lust : Lust is not love, but love can turn into lust
284.long relationships : Wish I was in one
285.obsessions : not healthy at all
286.smoking : I prefer the hookah
287.drinking : give me some time here
288.these surveys : a cool way to eat up time at work
289.marilyn manson : pretty damn smart if you ask me
290.ghosts : lost spirits
291.the dark : sometimes you need to stay in the dark to see the light
292.things that make you happy : Wish I had more of those moments
293.nelly
- Touch (0)
- Bang (0)
the ball is in my court
Its just impossible for my parents to live together. My mom refuses to leave the house even after my dad offered to play for her new place and all the necessities. The only way my mom is going to move out is if my dad evicts her. The only only problem is that he cant do it alone. Since my name is on the house, I will have to agree with this. So my dad has been putting a lot of pressure on me to get his way. He's been on my back really hard. I dont want to make a decision until my bro's b-day which is about 2 weeks away. I dont want my bro to feel weird during his b-day. So i'll just take all what my dad has.
I now work 7 days a week. Its good cuz it gets me out of the house. Also it finally lets my parents watch my bro for once. They always take off without telling me when they are coming back which sucks for him cuz sometimes I have to take him to work or drop him off at my aunts house. I'm just mad cuz they never take responsibility. At least now I leave the house before they get there and get home by the time they are asleep. Just 2 more months then I can leave for school.
I now work 7 days a week. Its good cuz it gets me out of the house. Also it finally lets my parents watch my bro for once. They always take off without telling me when they are coming back which sucks for him cuz sometimes I have to take him to work or drop him off at my aunts house. I'm just mad cuz they never take responsibility. At least now I leave the house before they get there and get home by the time they are asleep. Just 2 more months then I can leave for school.
- Touch (0)
- Bang (0)
Just 1 day earlier
I wish I would have wrote this yesterday. I would have had great stories about Warped Tour and 4th of July. How much fun I had spending time with friends. All the great bands I saw and the lighting of all the fireworks. If only it was yesterday morning.
Things escalated at my house yesterday. My mom pulled a knife on my dad. I heard plates breaking so i went outside of my room. My mom had a knife in her hand and my dad was outside. I tried to grab the knife away from my mom but to no avail. I calmly walked to the bathroom, brushed my teeth, put on some deordorant, grabbed my bro and left the house.
The cops came to the house but did nothing. My dad said that my mom had to leave the house. But nobody wanted to take her in. All of the family is tired with my mom's bullshit, not even her new boyfriend wants her. My dad offered to pay for an apartment for my mom as long as she leaves the house. But she doesnt want to. I dont know whats going to happen, if the cops are going to be coming all of the time or what. I just hope that this whole situation gets solved before I leave for school.
Things escalated at my house yesterday. My mom pulled a knife on my dad. I heard plates breaking so i went outside of my room. My mom had a knife in her hand and my dad was outside. I tried to grab the knife away from my mom but to no avail. I calmly walked to the bathroom, brushed my teeth, put on some deordorant, grabbed my bro and left the house.
The cops came to the house but did nothing. My dad said that my mom had to leave the house. But nobody wanted to take her in. All of the family is tired with my mom's bullshit, not even her new boyfriend wants her. My dad offered to pay for an apartment for my mom as long as she leaves the house. But she doesnt want to. I dont know whats going to happen, if the cops are going to be coming all of the time or what. I just hope that this whole situation gets solved before I leave for school.
- Touch (0)
- Bang (0)
working hard for the money
Work actually gave me 4 days off. Kicked back at my house, went to my cousins for some swimming, and slept until 11 am. SWEET!!! But then it starts.
Thursday night: I was at bobs watching some Crossroads (which is just a piece of crap) I get a call from my boss who says that I have to head over to his house and pick up some more inventory. But it ended up me fixing some merchandise and picking up inventory. Get home at 12 and just sleep.
Friday: The original plan was for me to spend the entire time at the store in the OC and take inventory. Right when I get there my coworker calls and says I have to pick up stuff from the other store, in industry, and take it into Ontario. Estimated time of trip. hour and a half. I had a full tank of gas but by the time I get back, i'm down to a quarter tank. I get home but leave 20 mins later to help out my aunt's church's festival. Was there until 11 and just knocked out when I got home.
Saturday: Had to be at my job at 8am. Suppose to get off at 430 but that never happens. I got home at 6, ate a little something and then headed off to...you guessed it, work again. It was the grand opening of a small indoor field. Had a good time because it was just mostly messing around with all of the other guys. I'm the youngest so they make fun of me all the time. Got home at 12 and knocked out once again.
Sunday: Woke up and went to work for training. I finally know how to work on the website. So now, I can work at home. So there is no excuse for me to not do something at all hours of the day. I still have to go work for my aunt at the festival again today so I dont expect to be home until 12. Ah....the sweet smell of responsibility. Sounds Good
Thursday night: I was at bobs watching some Crossroads (which is just a piece of crap) I get a call from my boss who says that I have to head over to his house and pick up some more inventory. But it ended up me fixing some merchandise and picking up inventory. Get home at 12 and just sleep.
Friday: The original plan was for me to spend the entire time at the store in the OC and take inventory. Right when I get there my coworker calls and says I have to pick up stuff from the other store, in industry, and take it into Ontario. Estimated time of trip. hour and a half. I had a full tank of gas but by the time I get back, i'm down to a quarter tank. I get home but leave 20 mins later to help out my aunt's church's festival. Was there until 11 and just knocked out when I got home.
Saturday: Had to be at my job at 8am. Suppose to get off at 430 but that never happens. I got home at 6, ate a little something and then headed off to...you guessed it, work again. It was the grand opening of a small indoor field. Had a good time because it was just mostly messing around with all of the other guys. I'm the youngest so they make fun of me all the time. Got home at 12 and knocked out once again.
Sunday: Woke up and went to work for training. I finally know how to work on the website. So now, I can work at home. So there is no excuse for me to not do something at all hours of the day. I still have to go work for my aunt at the festival again today so I dont expect to be home until 12. Ah....the sweet smell of responsibility. Sounds Good
- Touch (0)
- Bang (0)
Clear voice
I'm tired of being the voice of reason. Parents fight, get my brother out of the house, come in and break up the arguement. Then its like a Jerry Springer's final thought which will go all for not in the next couple of days. I think I am going to be stuck here for a while. So I guess I'll see what happens.
Finally set a hair cut day. It will be on Saint Patty's day. Thats when people shave off all of their hair for showing support for cancer survivors. I will go from 10' inches of hair to nothing at all. I'm really looking forward to it cuz now I know all of the damn shit girls go through with hair.
One more week of school left. I'm happy about that. I havent been to class that often this quarter. Its not that I'm lazy, its just that I dont care anymore. The weird thing is that i stopped caring since last quarter and i had one of the best quarters i had at school. Odd.... I guess waiting to the last possible minute and not going to class does pay off. In your face all of my high school teachers.
Waiting for summer to come cuz I have a lot planned. Going to Warped Tour to see MCR, my 21st party, going to make a couple of trips to SB and Vegas, free angel tickets, and saving money on gas and parking when I dont go to school. Good times
I got another promotion at work. I am now manager. YEAH!! They will be uping my hours as soon as I get out of school. This means 10 hour days. I dont mind, kick back job. Make everybody else do the work instead of me. Ha...damn losers.
Thats a quick run through with things right now. I'm tired, damn this walking and running thing that i'm doing. Sounds good
Finally set a hair cut day. It will be on Saint Patty's day. Thats when people shave off all of their hair for showing support for cancer survivors. I will go from 10' inches of hair to nothing at all. I'm really looking forward to it cuz now I know all of the damn shit girls go through with hair.
One more week of school left. I'm happy about that. I havent been to class that often this quarter. Its not that I'm lazy, its just that I dont care anymore. The weird thing is that i stopped caring since last quarter and i had one of the best quarters i had at school. Odd.... I guess waiting to the last possible minute and not going to class does pay off. In your face all of my high school teachers.
Waiting for summer to come cuz I have a lot planned. Going to Warped Tour to see MCR, my 21st party, going to make a couple of trips to SB and Vegas, free angel tickets, and saving money on gas and parking when I dont go to school. Good times
I got another promotion at work. I am now manager. YEAH!! They will be uping my hours as soon as I get out of school. This means 10 hour days. I dont mind, kick back job. Make everybody else do the work instead of me. Ha...damn losers.
Thats a quick run through with things right now. I'm tired, damn this walking and running thing that i'm doing. Sounds good
- Touch (0)
- Bang (0)
I have no mother
Well the truth is I never did have a mother. I was hoping that possibly she could finally take some responsibility and take care of us. Maybe my mom would finally get a kick in the ass and realize that she needed to step it up....maybe she could just....
It doesnt matter any more. Ever since she found out about my dad's mistress, shes been going out. Never asked how we were feeling, still doesnt get up in the morning, doesnt care about the good job she has. It hurts because I've tried everything to motivate her to some how remind her that we are her kids...nothing has worked.
Ma has been seening her ex boyfriend, a drug dealer on parole. They've been going out and fucking. I knew all along she was lying to us. My dad confronted it to her about of course she lied. I overheard the conversations she had with my fucken cousin about everything. All the fucken sick details in that loud voice that echos through the house. She still continued to lie right to my face even after my cousin confessed.
My ma got mad because she was caught but still didnt own up to it. She socked me a couple of times and kicked me. I'm fucken done. I've done all I could do for her but she's the only person that could change herself. I'm tired of her blaming everyone for her problems: My grandma for supposedly not caring about her school work, my dad for letting her losing her job, me for taking away her youth. I refuse to take it. If she doesnt give a shit about us why should we fucken care about her? So fuck her and her fucken dope dealer. And fuck my nina who wants to start shit up. Fuck my cousin for lying and sharing stories like high schoolers. I'm sick of this shit. They're dead to me, all of them.
I only care about one person. I live for only one. I cant lose him, I cant let him fall into the same depression and self hate that I once did. I am his primary care taker. I refuse to let him fall through the cracks, to become a statistic. I am a nobody without him. Thats the only person I care for.
I wrote this rant earlier in the year. I just kept adding on to it as things kept on getting worse and worse. Here it goes
"Home is where the heart is....if only that was true. I envy people that come from happy families. All I ever wanted was to be accepted, to feel appreciated. Just a "good job" or something like that. But no...I am constantly hounded or doubted. It became apparent a long time ago that I will never receive the serenity that I seek. Just once, only once it would be nice to sit around and have dinner together. But I realize how ridiculous and awkward that would be. A father unable to convey emotion and a mother who has to question everything. What would the conversation be like? What possibly could we say to each other?
Parents are suppose to be the ones we look up to, the ones we stribe to be, the ones to each us morality, honor, and pride. What kind of example is set when infidelity, arguing, lying, and apathy is a common routine? When responsibility of raising your own flesh and blood becomes diminished in order to feed in their own vices. All of these questions with no answers....or questions not willing to be answered."
It doesnt matter any more. Ever since she found out about my dad's mistress, shes been going out. Never asked how we were feeling, still doesnt get up in the morning, doesnt care about the good job she has. It hurts because I've tried everything to motivate her to some how remind her that we are her kids...nothing has worked.
Ma has been seening her ex boyfriend, a drug dealer on parole. They've been going out and fucking. I knew all along she was lying to us. My dad confronted it to her about of course she lied. I overheard the conversations she had with my fucken cousin about everything. All the fucken sick details in that loud voice that echos through the house. She still continued to lie right to my face even after my cousin confessed.
My ma got mad because she was caught but still didnt own up to it. She socked me a couple of times and kicked me. I'm fucken done. I've done all I could do for her but she's the only person that could change herself. I'm tired of her blaming everyone for her problems: My grandma for supposedly not caring about her school work, my dad for letting her losing her job, me for taking away her youth. I refuse to take it. If she doesnt give a shit about us why should we fucken care about her? So fuck her and her fucken dope dealer. And fuck my nina who wants to start shit up. Fuck my cousin for lying and sharing stories like high schoolers. I'm sick of this shit. They're dead to me, all of them.
I only care about one person. I live for only one. I cant lose him, I cant let him fall into the same depression and self hate that I once did. I am his primary care taker. I refuse to let him fall through the cracks, to become a statistic. I am a nobody without him. Thats the only person I care for.
I wrote this rant earlier in the year. I just kept adding on to it as things kept on getting worse and worse. Here it goes
"Home is where the heart is....if only that was true. I envy people that come from happy families. All I ever wanted was to be accepted, to feel appreciated. Just a "good job" or something like that. But no...I am constantly hounded or doubted. It became apparent a long time ago that I will never receive the serenity that I seek. Just once, only once it would be nice to sit around and have dinner together. But I realize how ridiculous and awkward that would be. A father unable to convey emotion and a mother who has to question everything. What would the conversation be like? What possibly could we say to each other?
Parents are suppose to be the ones we look up to, the ones we stribe to be, the ones to each us morality, honor, and pride. What kind of example is set when infidelity, arguing, lying, and apathy is a common routine? When responsibility of raising your own flesh and blood becomes diminished in order to feed in their own vices. All of these questions with no answers....or questions not willing to be answered."
- Touch (0)
- Bang (0)
New Beginnings
I've been waiting for this day for a long time. Now that it has come and pass, everyone can move on. I finally showed the picture of my dad and the other woman to my mom. I just couldn't handle it anymore walking around pretending everything was okay. It was eating me inside knowing that my dad would leave us, his family, for another woman. My dad angered me, I tried to avoid the situation by saying I was moving out. I just thought it was best if I kept my mouth shut. But the frustration just kept on building inside and I couldn't hold back any longer. My mother saw the picture and confronted my dad. He did not deny it and she wailed on him a couple of times before I could get there. Good thing she is out of shape or it would have been difficult to hold her back. I shoved her all the way to my neighbors house. There were words and secrets let out during the argument that I wish not to think about again. My dad left, hopefully for good. He took some clothes, his tooth brush, both of his cars. He tried to explain himself but he said it best, "I know you think I'm an asshole." My bro is doing better than expected. He cried a little bit but understood it was for the best. My mom is going to see a lawyer to get a divorce tomorrow. Everybody is relieved that its over, my mom, my aunt, my brother and myself. Time for me to be super bro and take care of everybody here. I'm just tired right now...tired of thinking, of crying, of worrying. I'm a fucken mess, but tomorrow is a new day. Just got to get by tonight.
- Touch (0)
- Bang (0)
really should be doing my work
I am in class right this second and not paying attention. Hmmmm.....i think i'm gonna get back to class...just wanted to gloat
- Touch (0)
- Bang (0)
A true spring break
I was sleeping in my room when my manager called me at 11 and said that I had to San Diego to make a delivery. I was suppose to do this the day before but i guess it got moved. I said that I wouldn't be able to go until 3ish...that was a LIE!!! I left my house at 7am with my bro and we went to SeaWorld for the day. Its small so we went through it in about 6 hours. Headed home and got paid 70 bucks.
The next day I had plans to stay at LMU with Camilo. Got there and that tall lanky stick figure left to eat....damn him. I hanged out with his roomies who are fun guys. Played a little b-ball (I can outlast Camilo playing baseketball....size doesnt matter) I went to Pao's to hang out for a couple of hours. Her roommates are hilarious. Was having fun listening to them swap stories, make fun of her, make fun of each other, make fun of pao some more. Then I went back to Camilo's dorm to sleep. I woke up and he already left for Disneyland.
Drove my ass in 2 1/2 hours to UCSB to visit lady Dawn. Got here and I wish I would have went to UCSB instead of UCLA. Its a complete college town with markets, dominos, and hookah just down the street. Had hookah the entire night with one of Dania's roomies. Went to a UCSB party because I heard it was off the hook....man that sucked. We stood there for 2 hours listening to music that came out in 8th grade. Nothing like DMX to crank up the partay. Left that fast. Just been kicking it here, going to the beach later on and see Unwritten Law at night. Then its an 1 1/2 hour drive home. Then get up in the morning to go to work. I like it though, this is how a vacation is suppose to be, just hanging out with friends. SoUnDs GoOd
The next day I had plans to stay at LMU with Camilo. Got there and that tall lanky stick figure left to eat....damn him. I hanged out with his roomies who are fun guys. Played a little b-ball (I can outlast Camilo playing baseketball....size doesnt matter) I went to Pao's to hang out for a couple of hours. Her roommates are hilarious. Was having fun listening to them swap stories, make fun of her, make fun of each other, make fun of pao some more. Then I went back to Camilo's dorm to sleep. I woke up and he already left for Disneyland.
Drove my ass in 2 1/2 hours to UCSB to visit lady Dawn. Got here and I wish I would have went to UCSB instead of UCLA. Its a complete college town with markets, dominos, and hookah just down the street. Had hookah the entire night with one of Dania's roomies. Went to a UCSB party because I heard it was off the hook....man that sucked. We stood there for 2 hours listening to music that came out in 8th grade. Nothing like DMX to crank up the partay. Left that fast. Just been kicking it here, going to the beach later on and see Unwritten Law at night. Then its an 1 1/2 hour drive home. Then get up in the morning to go to work. I like it though, this is how a vacation is suppose to be, just hanging out with friends. SoUnDs GoOd
- Touch (0)
- Bang (0)
application please
"A woman has a close male friend. This means that he is probably interested in her, which is why he hangs around so much. She sees him strictly as a friend. This always starts out with, you're a great guy, but I don't like you in that way. This is roughly the equivalent for the guy of going to a job interview and the company saying, You have a great resume, you have all the qualifications we are looking for, but we're not going to hire you. We will, however, use your resume as the basis for comparison for all other applicants. But, we're going to hire somebody who is far less qualified and is probably an alcoholic. And if he doesn't work out, we'll hire somebody else, but still not you. In fact, we will never hire you. But we will call you from time to time to complain about the person that we hired."
- Touch (0)
- Bang (0)
no more "good times"!!
I am officially retiring the term "good times". It has been over used just like Paris Hilton. It lost its effectiveness and coolness when my 12 year old cousin says it. Its time to come up with a new phrase because "good times" has become that red headed step child that makes you want to slap him any time he opens his mouth. So in that case, please somebody smack me if i ever....AND I MEAN EVER.... use that phrase.
- Touch (0)
- Bang (0)
Quarter life
They call it the "Quarter-life Crisis." It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are many things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now. You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you don't recognize is that they are realizing that too and aren't really cold, catty, mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you. You look at your job... and it is not even close to what you thought you would be doing, or maybe you are looking for a job and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and that scares you. Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and are constantly adding things to your list of what is acceptable and what isn't. One minute, you are insecure and then the next, secure. You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life, but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward. You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you. Or you lie in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough that you want to get to know better. Or maybe you love someone but love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you know that you aren't a bad person. One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap. Getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic. You go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision. You worry about loans, money, the future and making a life for yourself... and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender! What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out.
:.Life is about trial and error....no risk no gain.:
:.Life is about trial and error....no risk no gain.:
- Touch (0)
- Bang (0)
some last parting words
Today was my last day of my favorite class that I've had at UCLA. It was quite somber but me offering sandwhiches the entire time kinda lifted the spirits. Its weird cuz its all over. I guess thats good cuz we all get to move on and put into use what we have learned. My professor ended the class with a final quote:
"When you come to the edge of all the light you have, and must take a step
into the darkness of the unknown, believe that one of two things will
happen. Either there will be something solid for you to stand on
"When you come to the edge of all the light you have, and must take a step
into the darkness of the unknown, believe that one of two things will
happen. Either there will be something solid for you to stand on
- Touch (0)
- Bang (0)
My muse
Everytime I start to doubt myself, everytime when I think its me against the world, everytime I think I can't possibly go on, I look across my street and see my neighbor always smiling everytime she comes back from kemo. Cancer is hell and the treatment for it is even worse. Yet...she still is able to greet me with a big smile with her white shinning head. Sounds good
- Touch (0)
- Bang (0)
you know...its just that time of the year
I've been sick and it comes at the wrong time. I gots lots of school work to do and its kinda hard with boogers in your throat and an endless cough. But now i might have broken my ankle or severly sprained it. No time for pain, must continue working or else "I wont be somebody"...well at least thats what they say. I got a longer rant in my but this is only suppose to be a 2 minute break so....sounds good
- Touch (0)
- Bang (0)
did u vote????
Its been a couple of sad days in pico. Mama esther did not win city council member position. She came in 5th. Everybody took it hard except for her. She was just happy that we didnt run a dirty campeign. We dont send out letters dissing our opponents or take down signs. I went up and down my block telling my neighbors to vote for her all the way until 6pm. It just gives me more experience for when I run. I already have my campeign manager, Esther Celiz. Look for me in 2015. I expect everyone to go out there and show your support. Remember, every vote counts (Well thats if you dont vote the green party) Good times.
- Touch (0)
- Bang (0)
His name was Manuel...
Death is the only thing guaranted in life, and sometimes it is cruel. Today, a boy lost his life in a shooting. A month shy from his 16th birthday. A truck pulled up and started shooting as he walked down the street around the cornor from my house. He hid behind a tree for cover, the last thing he would do. A passenger from the truck got out and from point blank range, became his executioner. Running back to the truck, the gunman saw my neighbor running to help the fallen boy and pointed the gun at him. With his accompliances yelling at him to get in the car, he lowers his gun and speeds off. My neighbors Eddie, Roger, and Leroy run around the cornor and sees a bloody pale figure on the street. His soul had already left this world as there was no pulse. Other neighbors were already at the scene as they were publically crying. His girlfriend called his cell phone and the sheriff picked up. He informed her that her boyfriend had passed. What a surreal feeling, calling expecting to hear your love but knowing that you'll never hear the one you love ever again. I shall leave a rose in the morning and pray that his soul made it to the gates of heaven.
- Touch (0)
- Bang (0)
I went out to dinner with a girl I met at Target
I got out of work 3 hours early and decided to hit up target for some CDs. I get what I want and start walking back to the register. I see a tall woman walking my way. I take a glance over and my eyes just light. I dont believe what I'm seening. ITS BONNIE!!!! We start talking and head on to Dennys for some snack. Good times especially since I still thought she was in Italy. I was the only one who got to see her. So all i have to say is AH BITCHES!!! I GOT TO HANG WITH HER AND YOU DIDN'T!!! Sounds Good
- Touch (0)
- Bang (0)
Well...at least im not the only one who thought so
I dont know about my cousin most of the time. She is watching the her child when baby dave twitches. He's fussing around in the car seat. My cousin starts to think that he's having a seizure. She rushes to the hospital. She calls everybody and tells them that the baby had a seizure and to pray for it. Now...my cousin is an exaggerator so the family was a bit skeptical. At the hospital, the doctors want to make sure that the baby didnt have a seizure so they want to run tests cuz the baby has a fever. This means that the baby has to stay in the hospital for a month to complete the test. My cousin has other plans and wants to take the baby to her own doctor. So despite the advice of not 1 doctor, not 2 doctors, but 3 DOCTORS!! she takes the baby out of the hospital. Of course, this has repercustions. The hospital calls children services and they send a social worker to my aunt's house to determine if she is an unfit mother. Great, its only been 2 months and the baby is in danger of being taken away by the state. It turns out that lil dave had too much clothes on and was fussing because he was hot. The charges against her were dropped but now there's an open file on her in the state of California...oh the frustration that builds inside. Baby dave is off to a great start. Sounds good
- Touch (0)
- Bang (0)
blueandgold
About Me
Live strong, never surrender
Real Name:wuben
Birthday:
Aug 5 1984
Chat Name:
rdo3b
Disposition:
Pessimistically optimistic
Location:
Pico homes
Sex?:
i got a ding a ling
Statistics
Today:
| Hits | 1 |
All Time:
| Posts | 375 |
| Gspots | 25 |
| Hits | 740 |
| Karma | 852 |
Details
| Joined | Jul.02.03 |
| Online | Aug.15.08 |