amiracle
The door is open
Look around as much as you want.
Im not mad.
Your not listening.
Perhaps I just want my life to be you and me... forget and loose what used to New memories...
New hopes...
new miracles.
But if you dont understand me. Heres the key...
if this will make you feel safe again. If this is what it takes for you to believe me. Im not always an open book take this chance. Look at my story repeat...I dont want you to re live who I was because it hurt. Because Im trying to be better.
please understand...and if thats not enough please leave me. I hate fighting... If u feel like u have made a mistake there is always time to rectify it..one way or another.
yes I left it open for you.
Im not mad.
Your not listening.
Perhaps I just want my life to be you and me... forget and loose what used to New memories...
New hopes...
new miracles.
But if you dont understand me. Heres the key...
if this will make you feel safe again. If this is what it takes for you to believe me. Im not always an open book take this chance. Look at my story repeat...I dont want you to re live who I was because it hurt. Because Im trying to be better.
please understand...and if thats not enough please leave me. I hate fighting... If u feel like u have made a mistake there is always time to rectify it..one way or another.
yes I left it open for you.
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for you
Hi. Its me.
Im here again.
Yes I still exist.
Life gets so full of things..wonderful amazing things. I regret not following up on each of them. I need to make time for writing..I need to make time for me. For reaching my peace of mind.
Today I thought of you:
A random you...a childhood you. A you before your father died...a you before you lost yourself. Every so often I revisit those moments in my mind. Childhood passes before my eyes.
What lovely days we had... We never saw it coming we never thought things would change so drastically.
Whats it like for you to wake up? Do you still wake up waiting to hear your fathers voice. Does the reality of another man in what should have been your fathers place bring you back to reality. I see your eyes, I dont see you with pity. But my dear friend the pain I see splinters my heart.
We both loved him, of course I could never love him like you. He is afterall and shall always be your father. There in front of us his final resting place, I never saw it coming. Your still my friend. I love you as much as before...Perhaps more. Pain makes us grow, it even nurtures love. I wish I could be there..I wish I had the chance to be a real friend. I wish I would have been there since.
But even now as we greet each other I know I have lost you.
Im here again.
Yes I still exist.
Life gets so full of things..wonderful amazing things. I regret not following up on each of them. I need to make time for writing..I need to make time for me. For reaching my peace of mind.
Today I thought of you:
A random you...a childhood you. A you before your father died...a you before you lost yourself. Every so often I revisit those moments in my mind. Childhood passes before my eyes.
What lovely days we had... We never saw it coming we never thought things would change so drastically.
Whats it like for you to wake up? Do you still wake up waiting to hear your fathers voice. Does the reality of another man in what should have been your fathers place bring you back to reality. I see your eyes, I dont see you with pity. But my dear friend the pain I see splinters my heart.
We both loved him, of course I could never love him like you. He is afterall and shall always be your father. There in front of us his final resting place, I never saw it coming. Your still my friend. I love you as much as before...Perhaps more. Pain makes us grow, it even nurtures love. I wish I could be there..I wish I had the chance to be a real friend. I wish I would have been there since.
But even now as we greet each other I know I have lost you.
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(no title)
It feels like Im hurting but Im not.
Im lost but I'm here.
I heard about that little girl being abducted in Tracy...My heart hurts a little with her. I prayed for her. I hope it will do some good...This is when I really hope believing and faith was not so close to insanity.
I dont know...
Whats going to happen? what now?
I'm a mess. I need to get back to basics...I need to set my life straight..and oh how I miss believing..how I miss having hope..
Im lost but I'm here.
I heard about that little girl being abducted in Tracy...My heart hurts a little with her. I prayed for her. I hope it will do some good...This is when I really hope believing and faith was not so close to insanity.
I dont know...
Whats going to happen? what now?
I'm a mess. I need to get back to basics...I need to set my life straight..and oh how I miss believing..how I miss having hope..
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yikes
IF I HAD COFFEE EVERYDAY IT WOULD MAKE ME A BETTER PERSON..
Im not big on Coffee but lately when I do drink it I feel so good so alive. But the weird thing is Ive been noticing that any type of stimulant makes me feel great. I took an extra strength midol and it felt like I was on three vicodins... ha ha.
Pregnancy and childbirth fucked me up...ha ha...but its cool...I dont have to spend to much money to feel super good...lol.
Im not big on Coffee but lately when I do drink it I feel so good so alive. But the weird thing is Ive been noticing that any type of stimulant makes me feel great. I took an extra strength midol and it felt like I was on three vicodins... ha ha.
Pregnancy and childbirth fucked me up...ha ha...but its cool...I dont have to spend to much money to feel super good...lol.
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(no title)
life.. is it worth it?
i dont blame you for leaving me. For leaving us. I dont excuse u for it either. Maybe you didnt want to miss the things that I'm missing... late nights on the town picking fights at bars drunk beyond the point of coherentness or high off our asess... i dont miss you, but i do miss fredom. I did what I believed to be the one most unselfish thing i would ever do. Now i have come to understand that I did the opposite. No matter how hard i tried to stay strong... no matter how many tears i held back... i could not help but ask why? although the facts are more than obvious from the beggining.. I had loved him, He never did. Bradley my son he saved my sanity... I had a reason to live... now life was real or so i thought. I'm selfish. I never thought of what I would bring him into. That brakes me. Into this horrible place, this aweful world that I see no good end to. Perhaps your world was like this, perhaps thats y u didnt want to let go of what lil fun u had... or not... i just feel like there is very little good left.. im scared of the future. im scared for Bradley... its not fair that he hardly sees me... he needs me.. i need him. i hate that everything is money... i hate that i cant be the type of mother i want to be. and very few people understand this pain. because at the same time im hurting because i want to b a normal 21 year old. Im hurting because ill be getting married soon and on my side there will b few friends... because of their betrayals.. because i grew up to fast.. and because of my shortcomings.
There is good too... the ways i have learned to love. Bradley, Oscar, my family and my few but real friends...
im not sure i agree with everything i wrote but i had to vent.
i dont blame you for leaving me. For leaving us. I dont excuse u for it either. Maybe you didnt want to miss the things that I'm missing... late nights on the town picking fights at bars drunk beyond the point of coherentness or high off our asess... i dont miss you, but i do miss fredom. I did what I believed to be the one most unselfish thing i would ever do. Now i have come to understand that I did the opposite. No matter how hard i tried to stay strong... no matter how many tears i held back... i could not help but ask why? although the facts are more than obvious from the beggining.. I had loved him, He never did. Bradley my son he saved my sanity... I had a reason to live... now life was real or so i thought. I'm selfish. I never thought of what I would bring him into. That brakes me. Into this horrible place, this aweful world that I see no good end to. Perhaps your world was like this, perhaps thats y u didnt want to let go of what lil fun u had... or not... i just feel like there is very little good left.. im scared of the future. im scared for Bradley... its not fair that he hardly sees me... he needs me.. i need him. i hate that everything is money... i hate that i cant be the type of mother i want to be. and very few people understand this pain. because at the same time im hurting because i want to b a normal 21 year old. Im hurting because ill be getting married soon and on my side there will b few friends... because of their betrayals.. because i grew up to fast.. and because of my shortcomings.
There is good too... the ways i have learned to love. Bradley, Oscar, my family and my few but real friends...
im not sure i agree with everything i wrote but i had to vent.
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Im engaged
I cant even begin to explain. Soon Ill sit down and write everything in detail.
Got engaged on Valentines day it was a total surprise. It was beautiful. It was absolutely amazing.
I love my Oscar.
Got engaged on Valentines day it was a total surprise. It was beautiful. It was absolutely amazing.
I love my Oscar.
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...thought
all Ive ever wanted...
love in its purest form.
It doesnt happen like in the movies...
you work toward it.
love in its purest form.
It doesnt happen like in the movies...
you work toward it.
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urges
Im at work and the door is open.
SMELLS trigger things.
All of a sudden sadness rushed through my body and I oh so so badly wish I was staring at the ocean...
right there where we heard the wolves...on the opposite side a little bridge.
There was a log...The water frightened me but it was stunningly beautiful.
Its a want...Its a petrifying need...it burns deep within.
remember? say yes.
SMELLS trigger things.
All of a sudden sadness rushed through my body and I oh so so badly wish I was staring at the ocean...
right there where we heard the wolves...on the opposite side a little bridge.
There was a log...The water frightened me but it was stunningly beautiful.
Its a want...Its a petrifying need...it burns deep within.
remember? say yes.
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you
Its so simple,
you make my skin tingle.
I melt into your arms
Your kisses mean no harm.
For once in my life I can say that love is not poison...
Thank you.
you make my skin tingle.
I melt into your arms
Your kisses mean no harm.
For once in my life I can say that love is not poison...
Thank you.
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shit talking
Im on a diet. Yay me...Im one step closer to being me again..well a smaller more confident version of me.
...Life is full of tragic endings. So sad.
...I want to go to the beach so bad.
....I hate the smell of smoke...I hate how it penetrates the office...I hate how it makes me want to puke. And I hate the noise all the cars make.
....Its such a beautiful days and Im stuck in Doors. I wish I was outside with my baby..going for a walk.
I feel Like I neglect him...like my parents are more of his parents than I am. And I wont lie...I want him to love me more than he loves anybody else in this world.
I feel like I'm acting my age (21) in all reality i should be more like 41....when it comes to being responsible and motherly. Hes an amazing baby...I know Im taking this for granted...being a mother is one of the best things that could have happened to me.
I lost most of my youth...but I gained all of my life.
There is no room to think of dying..there is no reason for it anymore.
Im a little bit more of a fighter...I have a reason.
....fairy tales exist.
...Life is full of tragic endings. So sad.
...I want to go to the beach so bad.
....I hate the smell of smoke...I hate how it penetrates the office...I hate how it makes me want to puke. And I hate the noise all the cars make.
....Its such a beautiful days and Im stuck in Doors. I wish I was outside with my baby..going for a walk.
I feel Like I neglect him...like my parents are more of his parents than I am. And I wont lie...I want him to love me more than he loves anybody else in this world.
I feel like I'm acting my age (21) in all reality i should be more like 41....when it comes to being responsible and motherly. Hes an amazing baby...I know Im taking this for granted...being a mother is one of the best things that could have happened to me.
I lost most of my youth...but I gained all of my life.
There is no room to think of dying..there is no reason for it anymore.
Im a little bit more of a fighter...I have a reason.
....fairy tales exist.
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sigh
I'm a lil young. Trying to grow up.
I get a lil caught up here and there.
I guess part of me doesn't want to grow up so fast.
I Cant write...my minds not here. sucks.
I get a lil caught up here and there.
I guess part of me doesn't want to grow up so fast.
I Cant write...my minds not here. sucks.
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(no title)
dear son,
i love you. i promise to get better and stay that way. you need me at my best, i promise that tomorrow starts a new me.
i love you. i promise to get better and stay that way. you need me at my best, i promise that tomorrow starts a new me.
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Who By Fire
who by fire, leonard cohen
and who by fire, who by water,
who in the sunshine, who in the night time,
who by high ordeal, who by common trial,
who in your merry merry month of may,
who by very slow decay,
and who shall I say is calling?
and who in her lonely slip, who by barbiturate,
who in these realms of love, who by something blunt,
and who by avalanche, who by powder,
who for his greed, who for his hunger,
and who shall I say is calling?
and who by brave assent, who by accident,
who in solitude, who in this mirror,
who by his lady's command, who by his own hand,
who in mortal chains, who in power,
and who shall I say is calling?
and who by fire, who by water,
who in the sunshine, who in the night time,
who by high ordeal, who by common trial,
who in your merry merry month of may,
who by very slow decay,
and who shall I say is calling?
and who in her lonely slip, who by barbiturate,
who in these realms of love, who by something blunt,
and who by avalanche, who by powder,
who for his greed, who for his hunger,
and who shall I say is calling?
and who by brave assent, who by accident,
who in solitude, who in this mirror,
who by his lady's command, who by his own hand,
who in mortal chains, who in power,
and who shall I say is calling?
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le Nuit
i feel like ill never loose the weight. too much fucking anxiety. i can't handle it anymore. i don't know what's wrong. if it was bad before its awful now.
i need to do something about this quick...
i need to do something about this quick...
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My Gordo...pics finally
Bath Time.... so much fun.
Sitting on the couch like a big boy. Only Two months old.
I love you baby.
Cheers to love...to hope...to never giving up.
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night
Im in bed.
Baby in his crib, Hes two months and 16lbs and 26inches. Huge.
I love my lil giant.
i want to finish up a lot.
Meal Plan.
work outs.
work.
Ive been worried about work lately. Super worried.
:(
Just worried over all.
mom.
Dad.
Moving.
Work.
Its a lot of pressure.
I guess this is one of the only thing that worries me about the holidays. Its the one thing that gets to me. If work slows down its more pressure. *sigh
Priz was listening to me sing to Bradley today. She listened for a while...Then told me I should join the church choir again. My heart is not there, I would not be commited. And I am way to self concious to have my fat ass up there. And even more cuz they broadcast this stuff.
I feel soo....soooo...uff.
Yes UFF
lil anxiety and fuck. Sometimes I want to give in and cry but that wont solve anything. nothing at all.
I wish I could do more but i cant.
And sometimes I could just be 21 for a minute and forget about all these things. But I cant...I want to give up. But thats not a choice...I cant.
I have to be strong even when I dont feel it.
Baby in his crib, Hes two months and 16lbs and 26inches. Huge.
I love my lil giant.
i want to finish up a lot.
Meal Plan.
work outs.
work.
Ive been worried about work lately. Super worried.
:(
Just worried over all.
mom.
Dad.
Moving.
Work.
Its a lot of pressure.
I guess this is one of the only thing that worries me about the holidays. Its the one thing that gets to me. If work slows down its more pressure. *sigh
Priz was listening to me sing to Bradley today. She listened for a while...Then told me I should join the church choir again. My heart is not there, I would not be commited. And I am way to self concious to have my fat ass up there. And even more cuz they broadcast this stuff.
I feel soo....soooo...uff.
Yes UFF
lil anxiety and fuck. Sometimes I want to give in and cry but that wont solve anything. nothing at all.
I wish I could do more but i cant.
And sometimes I could just be 21 for a minute and forget about all these things. But I cant...I want to give up. But thats not a choice...I cant.
I have to be strong even when I dont feel it.
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people
people keep saying..."wow your so happy, most new moms I know are miserable"
thats sad.
Im not happy all the time either...but if all else fails...hide it well or go home. lol.
thats sad.
Im not happy all the time either...but if all else fails...hide it well or go home. lol.
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me
I want to cry. That deep feeling where i wish I could let go and cry. I havent cried like that in a very long time. And I cant now but I wish I could. It might do me good.
Im happy, scared, sad, afraid, enthusiastic all at the same time. And really trying not to be any of these, so not to be let down in the end.
look here it goes....
I dont want you to want all this because of the situation.
I want you to want it simply because you do.
I want the real thing as basic as it is.
Sometimes I read confusion on your face, like you might not be ready to let go. Like the idea of it still scares you a bit.
And that makes me nervous.
I have trouble trusting people and Im doing my best....I know you hate those little things about me....but im trying hard. Its not that I dont trust you....I just dont always wear my heart on my sleeve.
Your great, amazing, absolutely wonderful, your my prayers answered. I totaly respect you for who you are, I see you doubt yourself...I see a lil fear in your heart and sometimes I see how it scares you to leave some of your past behind.
There is one thing that I dont like. And its not about you...
Its something that reminds me of him. Its something that reminds me of my father. Its something that although I say nothing it makes me have a lil heartache.
No matter how recreational it seems, It seems to serve one purpose. It helps forget the hurt.
I guess in the end we all have lil bruises. Were still healing.
This is what I have to say. But just Like you said...dont ask...I really dont want to talk about any of this...this is a piece of my heart...do with it as you wish.
Im happy, scared, sad, afraid, enthusiastic all at the same time. And really trying not to be any of these, so not to be let down in the end.
look here it goes....
I dont want you to want all this because of the situation.
I want you to want it simply because you do.
I want the real thing as basic as it is.
Sometimes I read confusion on your face, like you might not be ready to let go. Like the idea of it still scares you a bit.
And that makes me nervous.
I have trouble trusting people and Im doing my best....I know you hate those little things about me....but im trying hard. Its not that I dont trust you....I just dont always wear my heart on my sleeve.
Your great, amazing, absolutely wonderful, your my prayers answered. I totaly respect you for who you are, I see you doubt yourself...I see a lil fear in your heart and sometimes I see how it scares you to leave some of your past behind.
There is one thing that I dont like. And its not about you...
Its something that reminds me of him. Its something that reminds me of my father. Its something that although I say nothing it makes me have a lil heartache.
No matter how recreational it seems, It seems to serve one purpose. It helps forget the hurt.
I guess in the end we all have lil bruises. Were still healing.
This is what I have to say. But just Like you said...dont ask...I really dont want to talk about any of this...this is a piece of my heart...do with it as you wish.
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you
I want you in my life.
I know what I Feel and I know its real.
Give me time Im still a lil broken.
Im here and there and everywhere.
what i dont say:
am i what you really want?
are you happy?
do you trust that I love you?
What does that mean to you?
can you put up with me and Everything that comes with me,
what do you want from me? what do i want from you?
you make me happy. Im still a lil traumatized. Im all about the small details. And I have a bad case of the baby blues which I try my best to hide.
no excuses. All I ask for is your honesty and a lil time.
I know what I Feel and I know its real.
Give me time Im still a lil broken.
Im here and there and everywhere.
what i dont say:
am i what you really want?
are you happy?
do you trust that I love you?
What does that mean to you?
can you put up with me and Everything that comes with me,
what do you want from me? what do i want from you?
you make me happy. Im still a lil traumatized. Im all about the small details. And I have a bad case of the baby blues which I try my best to hide.
no excuses. All I ask for is your honesty and a lil time.
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thoughts
last night I had more but their lost now.
But Im still wondering why I cant sing anymore...?
Can we take a drive and can you help me.
I think I know whats Wrong.
But I cant do it alone.
Thoughts.
Drives.
Beaches.
Mountains.
Fog.
Wolves.
Stars.
These all so real moments. Long Quiet Drives where only tears flowed. So much said in that silence.
lost or hiding? Can you answer that because I cant.
Help.
Drums.
Bass.
Guitar.
Perfectionist voices.
That fucking strive for perfection..that fear and deception.
Lost dreams and Hopes.
Can you bring that back to me?
i need help.
I got it. I think I know.
I get it.
Got glue?
But Im still wondering why I cant sing anymore...?
Can we take a drive and can you help me.
I think I know whats Wrong.
But I cant do it alone.
Thoughts.
Drives.
Beaches.
Mountains.
Fog.
Wolves.
Stars.
These all so real moments. Long Quiet Drives where only tears flowed. So much said in that silence.
lost or hiding? Can you answer that because I cant.
Help.
Drums.
Bass.
Guitar.
Perfectionist voices.
That fucking strive for perfection..that fear and deception.
Lost dreams and Hopes.
Can you bring that back to me?
i need help.
I got it. I think I know.
I get it.
Got glue?
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doubt
I just hate it.
/
///
/////
trusting
is
hard.
Trusting me.
I know what I have to do...I know where to start.
Just afraid that I wont make it.
one step at a time.
/
///
/////
trusting
is
hard.
Trusting me.
I know what I have to do...I know where to start.
Just afraid that I wont make it.
one step at a time.
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me
okay im writing.
There is so much to say.
I love my Bradley.
And Im so completely lost right now.
Theres so much change I would like to accomplish but it sometimes feels impossible.
I feel like I have so much to prove to myself.
I see the broken pieces. I see the wounds...I see the scars. It feels Like somethings are still healing. Sometimes I find myself becoming a person I dislike.
And I want to shut the door and stay deep within my walls. But I cant let this happen to myself. I have to surpass this. This time for myself. I cant prove anyone right...I wont go down without a fight.
This healing process is proving to be difficult...Its a body mind and soul process......and its such a fragile balance. Like any sudden move can brake me more. Im so scared, so tiered, oh God help me. I want to keep a warm heart and clear mind. I dont want the poison to spread. I want to be the exeption to the rule.
thoughts..........
im done writing.
There is so much to say.
I love my Bradley.
And Im so completely lost right now.
Theres so much change I would like to accomplish but it sometimes feels impossible.
I feel like I have so much to prove to myself.
I see the broken pieces. I see the wounds...I see the scars. It feels Like somethings are still healing. Sometimes I find myself becoming a person I dislike.
And I want to shut the door and stay deep within my walls. But I cant let this happen to myself. I have to surpass this. This time for myself. I cant prove anyone right...I wont go down without a fight.
This healing process is proving to be difficult...Its a body mind and soul process......and its such a fragile balance. Like any sudden move can brake me more. Im so scared, so tiered, oh God help me. I want to keep a warm heart and clear mind. I dont want the poison to spread. I want to be the exeption to the rule.
thoughts..........
im done writing.
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saturday
this mom thing is interesting.
I need to find a way to make my life work out.
just get things in order.
Happy one month birthday Bradley.
Things are slowly settling down. There is so much that I want to write about. There are so many thoughts.
But I dont have time to. Always busy.
Happy Saturday.
I need to find a way to make my life work out.
just get things in order.
Happy one month birthday Bradley.
Things are slowly settling down. There is so much that I want to write about. There are so many thoughts.
But I dont have time to. Always busy.
Happy Saturday.
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finaly here
Bradley Jeriah
Born Agust 20, 2008
9lbs 12oz 21 inches.
2:37am.
Im a mom. Its been surreal...its taken a while for me to get used to it. Recovery feels super long but its been okay. My son is a lil giant...big boy.
Im happy about him...Adjusting is just difficult. But this lil one needs me and Im willing to do whatever it takes for his happiness.
Life. Its starting over now.
Born Agust 20, 2008
9lbs 12oz 21 inches.
2:37am.
Im a mom. Its been surreal...its taken a while for me to get used to it. Recovery feels super long but its been okay. My son is a lil giant...big boy.
Im happy about him...Adjusting is just difficult. But this lil one needs me and Im willing to do whatever it takes for his happiness.
Life. Its starting over now.
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u
Let me take a quick second before I pass out to mention this...
I want you to be real so so bad.
I want to trust you with every little bit of me.
I want to Love you beyond words.
I want to be what you deserve.
Please be patient...Please prove everything else wrong. Please show me that your different. If you ever get to love me...please show me. Dont tell me.
Yes I ask a lot...but if you cant be all this please let me know. Just because I want you does not mean I can have you. But I sure as hell will try.
I want you to be real so so bad.
I want to trust you with every little bit of me.
I want to Love you beyond words.
I want to be what you deserve.
Please be patient...Please prove everything else wrong. Please show me that your different. If you ever get to love me...please show me. Dont tell me.
Yes I ask a lot...but if you cant be all this please let me know. Just because I want you does not mean I can have you. But I sure as hell will try.
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when will you fall from grace
im not ready for this. not ready at all. not ready to be a mom. Not ready to raise and be responsible for somebody else. yeah.....i know I should have thought about this before and I did...but this is scary.
What the hell is going on these days? I have to get my shit together. I need to get things straightened out.
My emotions are fucking with me and pretty bad...
Im determined to stop this shit. Its like shit that probably should have bugged me months ago are just beggining to take effect. I think that what I Hate the most about this whole situation is that is making me become what I hate the most.
I want to push the erase button and start fresh. Do Over. I dont mind having my baby...as long as his mother is there...I want to teach him good in life, I want to teach him Love, I want to show him that theres good in everyone. But I cant, I dont trust life. I cant tell the differences betweens lies and truths... I want to stay in my world deep within my walls.
Its like building a fortress...I want to stay in bed forever sleep forever...and assume that evverything is fine.
Singing...havent been able to do that in forever... I dont want to build any false hopes I see that fading everyday destroying itself each day a little more. I refer to poison in my writing often... this is whats like...you shut off a lil at a time and it never really goes away...Venom, it makes you numb and you surely day.
Talk? about this no way. I cant...Cry...only by myself...although I carry a knot in my throat all day.
Love. Im scared to do that. It makes me want to run. Not sure if towards it or aways from it.
Reality. Im not sure what that is.
Me. A test and surveyor.
you. Dont need this.
What the hell is going on these days? I have to get my shit together. I need to get things straightened out.
My emotions are fucking with me and pretty bad...
Im determined to stop this shit. Its like shit that probably should have bugged me months ago are just beggining to take effect. I think that what I Hate the most about this whole situation is that is making me become what I hate the most.
I want to push the erase button and start fresh. Do Over. I dont mind having my baby...as long as his mother is there...I want to teach him good in life, I want to teach him Love, I want to show him that theres good in everyone. But I cant, I dont trust life. I cant tell the differences betweens lies and truths... I want to stay in my world deep within my walls.
Its like building a fortress...I want to stay in bed forever sleep forever...and assume that evverything is fine.
Singing...havent been able to do that in forever... I dont want to build any false hopes I see that fading everyday destroying itself each day a little more. I refer to poison in my writing often... this is whats like...you shut off a lil at a time and it never really goes away...Venom, it makes you numb and you surely day.
Talk? about this no way. I cant...Cry...only by myself...although I carry a knot in my throat all day.
Love. Im scared to do that. It makes me want to run. Not sure if towards it or aways from it.
Reality. Im not sure what that is.
Me. A test and surveyor.
you. Dont need this.
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guestbook
Sun.03.29.09 4:46pm
Re: public
Somehow You Got Into Your head That Your Life Ended When You Gave Birth Love...In The Contrary It Just Began
Thu.03.26.09 3:51pm
Re: public
Only Because You Seem To Have Closed Your Eyes To The Possibilities...
Thu.02.26.09 3:54am
Re: public
She turned 5 months old as of Feb.18. Her name is Isabella Danger. :-)
Mon.02.09.09 9:01am
Re: public
if my world was braking I'd be concerned.. Didnt know the world had brakes. If it broke on the other hand that would make more sense.. but I think at some point everyones world breaks.
Sat.02.07.09 8:40am
Re: public
Congratulations on your own lil one. BEcoming a mother for the first time is the most surreal, glorious, and humbling event that will ever torture your emotional and mental psyche, both great and terrible ways. Your son is adorable. I really need to put up picturs of spawn number 2.
Fri.02.06.09 4:24pm
Re: public
yeah i've noticed a lot less talky but i am glad you still come on at least
Thu.01.29.09 7:55am
Re: public
can you imagine your mother trying to take your son away cause you are "irresponsible"? that's how I'm doing.
it kinda happened already my mom got gaurdianship but that means she gets to decide where she lives. its a long fucked up story.
Wed.01.28.09 5:48pm
Re: public
We Sang Together For A While Lady...PLus I Never Aforget things About YOu...For The Most Part lol
amiracle
About Me
Real Name:
who cares
Birthday:
Oct 5 1987
Chat Name:
yorlansays
Disposition:
tiered.
Location:
CALIFORNIA
Sex?:
sure.
who cares
Birthday:
Oct 5 1987
Chat Name:
yorlansays
Disposition:
tiered.
Location:
CALIFORNIA
Sex?:
sure.
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| Online | Dec.20.09 |
lookin lovely in your userpic