archive
pretty little tops do no justice
ice babe and i were damn sexy tonight.
even though it might not have felt that way
it’s okay ice babe, i found you desirable (;
allllll the beautiful people were there.
the lucky charms++mel&edwin
kandice
nich, nikki flamingo, christina&mermaid
alwyn, my diva
frank&mel emo
my husband mau
chanelle-nelle, annie bannanie&sheryl
paolo++the SUPER huge pizza
julian [who keeps bumping into meee]
eric, susu&candice
bodacious bobyn
oscar the tree, pretty lizzy, wa-wa walter&love
nich, nichole, christina, kandice&i left at 5ish
got completely lost
so we shared a pit with some nice lads
toward the end of the night
i just HAD to go to the ocean
so i ventured off by myself
it was so beautiful
i played tag with the waves
but sometimes they caught me by the waves so i had to jump
&eventually ice babe& wa-wa walter found me
i stole his wallet&kept it nice and warm in my pants :)
and of course
"saving the fire until the very last drop
so we can have our last minute marshmallows." -- ice
the boys from morse eventually came by
while ice, bobyn, kandice&i freakin burned our faces
just for the sake of catching the marshmallow’s on fiyahh. hehe.
burned those shastas, while piling the dirt in the styrofoam
&hoping for it to burn HAHAHA
there were so many things that happened,
yet there was no action at all.
"what do you call a useless hotdog?"
even though it might not have felt that way
it’s okay ice babe, i found you desirable (;
allllll the beautiful people were there.
the lucky charms++mel&edwin
kandice
nich, nikki flamingo, christina&mermaid
alwyn, my diva
frank&mel emo
my husband mau
chanelle-nelle, annie bannanie&sheryl
paolo++the SUPER huge pizza
julian [who keeps bumping into meee]
eric, susu&candice
bodacious bobyn
oscar the tree, pretty lizzy, wa-wa walter&love
nich, nichole, christina, kandice&i left at 5ish
got completely lost
so we shared a pit with some nice lads
toward the end of the night
i just HAD to go to the ocean
so i ventured off by myself
it was so beautiful
i played tag with the waves
but sometimes they caught me by the waves so i had to jump
&eventually ice babe& wa-wa walter found me
i stole his wallet&kept it nice and warm in my pants :)
and of course
"saving the fire until the very last drop
so we can have our last minute marshmallows." -- ice
the boys from morse eventually came by
while ice, bobyn, kandice&i freakin burned our faces
just for the sake of catching the marshmallow’s on fiyahh. hehe.
burned those shastas, while piling the dirt in the styrofoam
&hoping for it to burn HAHAHA
there were so many things that happened,
yet there was no action at all.
"what do you call a useless hotdog?"
- Touch (0)
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ICEY KISS PYROPARTY Y
coronado bonfire pits
friday, july 30
seven pm
bring as many people&food as you cann (;
NIGHT SWIMMING!
[wear bathing suits under+++bring a towel]
call meeeeee: 806 9628
le directions
5 south
ca-75 towards coronado
san diego coronado bay bridge becomes 3rd st
left on orange ave
right on tenth st
follow 10th
right when you see the ocean
follow until you reach the cul de sac parking lot area
let’s make this a silly little reunion...
friday, july 30
seven pm
bring as many people&food as you cann (;
NIGHT SWIMMING!
[wear bathing suits under+++bring a towel]
call meeeeee: 806 9628
le directions
5 south
ca-75 towards coronado
san diego coronado bay bridge becomes 3rd st
left on orange ave
right on tenth st
follow 10th
right when you see the ocean
follow until you reach the cul de sac parking lot area
let’s make this a silly little reunion...
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sugarpuff jellybeans mixed with salt
i never really thought that going into a relationship
would hold such complex responsibilities.
i always ran into one relationship,
found a flaw in the person
&moved away onto the next person.
but the things that have happened lately
forced me to acknowledge that this one is different.
i am still uncertain as to what is going on
&sometimes i scare myself,
because i feel inept&uncapable of keeping a stronghold on a relationship.
sometimes even, at times like these,
i write a lot of nonsense on this 3 by 4
grasping around in the dark
trying to find some resolution to it all.
i am holding back the tears,
because the responsibility has not only frightened me completely,
i have also tried to supress the need to be weak
&run away from it all.
i am babbling.
but i do not care.
i feel like i am yelling out to the world right now
even though i am in the dead silence
that my parents have presented me with for the last couple of days.
i hope things get easier
even though i know i will look back from time to time
&wonder if i want to push forward
or feel the need to stay back.
but if anything is certain,
i do not want to feel any resentment in the end
if there is one.
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let me look back now before i forget
wednesdaytosaturday, july 14-17 2004
hilton burbank
paseo colorado
old pasadena
smaller urban outfitters
lionel, the persistant beggar helper
universal studios
sat next to fat ladies during jurassic park
(the restraint didn’t even touch my knees
&i almost fell forward completely during the drop)
FROZEN BANANAS yummmmm
universal citywalk
"vindicated" on huge tv screen
yummy colors
chinatown = psycho deserted penitentiary
hollywood walk of fame
dear abbey
ripley’s believe it or not
bum w/ mohawk w/ blue eyes
the screamer asking kandice to be his "wonderwoman"
pretty litto green guitar w/ a <3
found where the tequila worm went!
covina
puente mall
olive garden
too much alfredo cheese
anchorman
"san diego is german for a whale’s vagina"
andrew&marc
chocolate stain on white uniform. HAHA
driving home for four hours straight
made me realize that i belong in san diego.
hilton burbank
paseo colorado
old pasadena
smaller urban outfitters
lionel, the persistant beggar helper
universal studios
sat next to fat ladies during jurassic park
(the restraint didn’t even touch my knees
&i almost fell forward completely during the drop)
FROZEN BANANAS yummmmm
universal citywalk
"vindicated" on huge tv screen
yummy colors
chinatown = psycho deserted penitentiary
hollywood walk of fame
dear abbey
ripley’s believe it or not
bum w/ mohawk w/ blue eyes
the screamer asking kandice to be his "wonderwoman"
pretty litto green guitar w/ a <3
found where the tequila worm went!
covina
puente mall
olive garden
too much alfredo cheese
anchorman
"san diego is german for a whale’s vagina"
andrew&marc
chocolate stain on white uniform. HAHA
driving home for four hours straight
made me realize that i belong in san diego.
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like a bullet through a flock of doves
free tuesday with gerardo, july 13 2004
we’ll skip in a meadow
&scream the song from hrc that won’t get out of my head
i’ll come back in one piece.
promise.
this will be my last entry in awhile
i’ve returned to my old ways
&i’m back to novel-length writing journal entries
in the notebook
placed between my swimsuit&the color purple.
i’m ready to go.
we’ll skip in a meadow
&scream the song from hrc that won’t get out of my head
i’ll come back in one piece.
promise.
this will be my last entry in awhile
i’ve returned to my old ways
&i’m back to novel-length writing journal entries
in the notebook
placed between my swimsuit&the color purple.
i’m ready to go.
- Touch (0)
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carpe nocturne
saturday, july 3 2004
watched the padres
OMFG, everything was so awesome.
the game was intense.
the fireworks were beautiful.
the park was breathtaking (i especially liked the waterfall stairs, HAHA).
&most importantly, the people were so darn beautiful.
i almost peed my pants a couple times.
so many bad things happened now that i think about it
the royals pitcher bent his wrist trying to relay the catch,
the ball bounced off the umpire-HIT HIM STRAIGHT IN THE FACE,
otsuka fucked up for the first time ever,
(completely unexpected)
&eaton had to loose his no hitter on the top of the 8th.
tuesday, july 6 2004
I HAD TO MISS WARPED TOUR for a stupid sofa
(thats eating up our living room, might i add,
since IT’S SO DARN MASSIVE&green.)
another letdown for the week,
but it’s okay. i’m being cool about everything.
bodacious robyn,
i will smother this girl with my love the next time i see her
LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE! haha ;9
she called every hour or so,
or whenever one of the bands i heart came on.
i heard pieces of mcr,
(she bought three cheers for sweet revenge
&got it signed by THE fucking Gerard Way. OMG OMG)
pieces of thursday
&pieces of cac, esp devil in jersey city.
for retsi my love,
what do i call you: RALI
what do u call me: RETSI
how long have u known me: hmm.. since 9th... so about 4 years?
how did we meet: was it PE?
what was yer first impression of me: she’s so darn funny [JUST LIKE MEEEE]
do u still feel that way now: of course, hot stuff ;9
when was the last time you saw me: our last friday night downtownnnn! EEP
how do u feel about that: i wish we saw each other more often. ;x
how well do u think u knoe me: pretty fucking well i’d say
do u consider us "close": yep
do u wish that was different: i wouldn’t have it any other way
describe me in one word: FANTASTIC
why did u choose that word: because we just are, duhh
what are u wearing: butterfly girl boxer shorts&an old yellowcard shirt that says "Believe" in the back
do u stink: NEVER
wednesday, july 7 2004
almost got lost at state
forgot to read that i was looking for the veterans office
even if i got the waiver, i still have to pay $201!
(which completely invalidates my "free ride," but oh well.)
picked up jermee
got lost in chula vista&exited palomar
ended up at mcdonalds
hung out at jermee’s a little bit.
watched dodgeball with jermee&kandice
it was hilarious.
"we’re better than you&we know it." [THUMBS UP]
"donde esta la biblioteca senor lafleur?"
"you are a skidmark on the underpants of society."
i can’t remember anymore,
but they were all fucking hilarious.
van, wife mau, susu, james&eric surprise visited meeee
caught up a little bit.
brought ice babe shopping at plaza bonita.
it’s so great,
every little moment that i have with that girl
i really have to take it in
because they’re so rare&i love her so much
i don’t know why i’m thinking about this,
because it really has nothing to do with my day.
perhaps, just a little bit.
i remember seeing "only one" by yc on video for the first time today
&it made me cry.
i remember when we first got to know each other
&everything was so much more simpler
how we were holding hands on the couch
&you noticed that our hearts were pulsing through our hands.
i listened to each and every one of those heartbeats.
thursday, july 8 2004
today was fucking beautiful.
gerardo came over at around 10am
i was so tired&crap looking,
but i didn’t care
because i haven’t seen this kid in a couple dayssss <3333
&he’s freakin precious anyway
we hung out like couch potatoes on the massive sofa
for like seven hours straight.
wait, no, we went to jackinthebox really quick.
later that night,
HUNG OUT WITH BODACIOUS ROBYN
went to asian central to support the troops.
a couple people gave me some lovin. MAOH.
bel lover, tina, berto, chuchan, josh, amanda, slut, stalker kid, t.a. chick
"i know! i can’t stop looking at your boobs" -- babalicious
it’s crazy, i didn’t even know chuchan&slut knew each other
(turns out they met AT MY PARTY)
i’m connecting people&starting a damn sexual revolution ;9
slut&i had an effen HUGGING MARATHON
only saw the last 2 songs from around the corner
which breaks my heart, because i came to support the troops...
AND I FAILED HORRIBLY. :(
daze was scary.
they were old mennnn
&they took their clothes off!
blueprint car crash
would have been super duper awesome
the sounds are terrific
it’s just the vocalist.
but i did love that pelvic swirl thing. pretty sexy.
ROBYNNNNNNNN <333
i’m sorry we couldn’t find the "perfect emo walk."
lookie the bag of goodies i got from her :)
1 c&c shirt
1 mcr cd
1 "mae is for lovers" pin
1 black man
1 cd sleeve says: "Kiss-thanks for the venom. xoxo"
OH, &for my pussy fans
they’re both nice&healthy&sleeping in the pictures.
note to self.
+ = definite; + = hoping
+ july14-5 universal city/hollywood
+ july16-7 covina
+ july 18 fob
+ july 19-20 nich nich
+ july 21 trevor hoffman luncheon
+ july 22 hotrod&std
+ july 23 bonfire
+ july 30+ vegas
+ aug 06 freshman orientation/registration
+ aug 06 radio diary
+ aug10-21 washington state
+ aug 26 gerardo’s birthday
+ aug 30 first day at state
watched the padres
OMFG, everything was so awesome.
the game was intense.
the fireworks were beautiful.
the park was breathtaking (i especially liked the waterfall stairs, HAHA).
&most importantly, the people were so darn beautiful.
i almost peed my pants a couple times.
so many bad things happened now that i think about it
the royals pitcher bent his wrist trying to relay the catch,
the ball bounced off the umpire-HIT HIM STRAIGHT IN THE FACE,
otsuka fucked up for the first time ever,
(completely unexpected)
&eaton had to loose his no hitter on the top of the 8th.
tuesday, july 6 2004
I HAD TO MISS WARPED TOUR for a stupid sofa
(thats eating up our living room, might i add,
since IT’S SO DARN MASSIVE&green.)
another letdown for the week,
but it’s okay. i’m being cool about everything.
bodacious robyn,
i will smother this girl with my love the next time i see her
LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE! haha ;9
she called every hour or so,
or whenever one of the bands i heart came on.
i heard pieces of mcr,
(she bought three cheers for sweet revenge
&got it signed by THE fucking Gerard Way. OMG OMG)
pieces of thursday
&pieces of cac, esp devil in jersey city.
for retsi my love,
what do i call you: RALI
what do u call me: RETSI
how long have u known me: hmm.. since 9th... so about 4 years?
how did we meet: was it PE?
what was yer first impression of me: she’s so darn funny [JUST LIKE MEEEE]
do u still feel that way now: of course, hot stuff ;9
when was the last time you saw me: our last friday night downtownnnn! EEP
how do u feel about that: i wish we saw each other more often. ;x
how well do u think u knoe me: pretty fucking well i’d say
do u consider us "close": yep
do u wish that was different: i wouldn’t have it any other way
describe me in one word: FANTASTIC
why did u choose that word: because we just are, duhh
what are u wearing: butterfly girl boxer shorts&an old yellowcard shirt that says "Believe" in the back
do u stink: NEVER
wednesday, july 7 2004
almost got lost at state
forgot to read that i was looking for the veterans office
even if i got the waiver, i still have to pay $201!
(which completely invalidates my "free ride," but oh well.)
picked up jermee
got lost in chula vista&exited palomar
ended up at mcdonalds
hung out at jermee’s a little bit.
watched dodgeball with jermee&kandice
it was hilarious.
"we’re better than you&we know it." [THUMBS UP]
"donde esta la biblioteca senor lafleur?"
"you are a skidmark on the underpants of society."
i can’t remember anymore,
but they were all fucking hilarious.
van, wife mau, susu, james&eric surprise visited meeee
caught up a little bit.
brought ice babe shopping at plaza bonita.
it’s so great,
every little moment that i have with that girl
i really have to take it in
because they’re so rare&i love her so much
i don’t know why i’m thinking about this,
because it really has nothing to do with my day.
perhaps, just a little bit.
i remember seeing "only one" by yc on video for the first time today
&it made me cry.
i remember when we first got to know each other
&everything was so much more simpler
how we were holding hands on the couch
&you noticed that our hearts were pulsing through our hands.
i listened to each and every one of those heartbeats.
thursday, july 8 2004
today was fucking beautiful.
gerardo came over at around 10am
i was so tired&crap looking,
but i didn’t care
because i haven’t seen this kid in a couple dayssss <3333
&he’s freakin precious anyway
we hung out like couch potatoes on the massive sofa
wait, no, we went to jackinthebox really quick.
later that night,
HUNG OUT WITH BODACIOUS ROBYN
went to asian central to support the troops.
a couple people gave me some lovin. MAOH.
bel lover, tina, berto, chuchan, josh, amanda, slut, stalker kid, t.a. chick
"i know! i can’t stop looking at your boobs" -- babalicious
it’s crazy, i didn’t even know chuchan&slut knew each other
(turns out they met AT MY PARTY)
i’m connecting people&starting a damn sexual revolution ;9
slut&i had an effen HUGGING MARATHON
only saw the last 2 songs from around the corner
which breaks my heart, because i came to support the troops...
AND I FAILED HORRIBLY. :(
daze was scary.
they were old mennnn
&they took their clothes off!
blueprint car crash
would have been super duper awesome
the sounds are terrific
it’s just the vocalist.
but i did love that pelvic swirl thing. pretty sexy.
ROBYNNNNNNNN <333
i’m sorry we couldn’t find the "perfect emo walk."
lookie the bag of goodies i got from her :)
1 c&c shirt
1 mcr cd
1 "mae is for lovers" pin
1 black man
1 cd sleeve says: "Kiss-thanks for the venom. xoxo"
OH, &for my pussy fans
they’re both nice&healthy&sleeping in the pictures.
note to self.
+ = definite; + = hoping
+ july14-5 universal city/hollywood
+ july16-7 covina
+ july 18 fob
+ july 19-20 nich nich
+ july 21 trevor hoffman luncheon
+ july 22 hotrod&std
+ july 23 bonfire
+ july 30+ vegas
+ aug 06 freshman orientation/registration
+ aug 06 radio diary
+ aug10-21 washington state
+ aug 26 gerardo’s birthday
+ aug 30 first day at state
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come back, pretty pretty friday
i took some pictures and pretended you were here with me.
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hey little baby venom veins, you
anto told me to tell it like it is
that online journals are just for what you want people to see
and not every part of you
i write my heart out on this,
but as much as i’d like to deny it
if i told every thing,
then what is left of me for you to get to know?
so here’s how this week went,
as i remember it.
tuesday,
went to esco and visited the aminals
ANIMALS BEHAVING BADLY (kandice likes that a lot)
although we didn’t get to see any big pussies
and this grandma kept talking about me,
because of the ever-so-controversial shirt that i still have
(it has HOMOPHOBIA IS GAY engraved on it).
so of course the old bitch pursued to analyze
how odd it was that people had same sex marriages. BLAH BLAH.
chyeah, like, omg, how bizaar is that?
wild animal deff has nothing on the san diego zoo
both smell like donkey piss,
but i really don’t understand why they have a DINO MOUNTAIN!
i say take off the MOUNTAIN part
so people won’t have to suffer and climb the damn boondocks.
wednesday,
gerardo came over
we went to ralphs,
picked up the pussies
and made our own burgers.
meet the new member of my stuffed toy fam -- ZOE! (;
i <333 surprise gifts.
watched interview with the vampire x 20000000 times already.
went to his house
i remember being so nervous.
i’m not one for meeting new people,
yet i’m a people person.
how that plays out, i’ll never understand it either.
the holding hands stage. (HAHA, ice babe)
thursday,
ate at super sergios
ordered a mondo carne asada burrito
and only ate about 1/3 of it
(it was tooo early in the morning.)
but i ate the rest during dinner that night
so no worries, i’m not a waster. BAH
got dropped off at the san ysidro outlet
got some smashin shoes for $10
man, they’re so rad
i’ll take a shot when and if i ever stop being lazy
went DICKIES shirt hunting for ayet,
but couldn’t find one suitable cause they rig the prices like crazy.
friday,
dropped off gerardo’s pink sweater
(i’m so pro at stenciling now, it’s insane -- my new hobby most deff)
LEFT: my LUSH hoodie; RIGHT: gerardo’s GOOBER hoodie
it would have been perfect if the arms weren’t so short.
i guess we’re not EXACTLY the same size, hahaha
kandice and i were supposed to pick ayet up,
but she was "grounded"
(how can someone be grounded while on vacation?)
so we drove to north county mall
that mall is killer
the next time i go there (which won’t be in a long time)
i’m seriously going to plot out
where to go
what i need
what to do
because we made the mistake of wanting to go
to another store ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE FUCKING MALL.
(kandice obsessing for pussies again at the pet store)
that mall is so huge,
we must’ve walked 10 miles walking back and forth, or not
the drive home was a bitch
super traffic
begged kandice not to fall asleep on me
so of course she did.
my poor daddy’s nearly blind
’cause they’ve been making him do a lot of typing work
so i had to run errands first
then we checked out the new GROUND ZERO BUILDING
i think i like that venue.
we came a little late and name taken was ready to start.
bear vs shark was okay
they are something new
and the singer was orgasmic,
but i mean, it got old fast.
of course gatsby’s was the most raddddd.
i see them as a new breed,
but kandice didn’t see that.
oh well, it’s all in the ears.
found chuchan,
that was interesting and unexpected
since he lives in san marcos which is farrrrr.
met his friend mikey (finally)
i miss my lunch-box-stealer buddy.
hung out with alf a bit
he kept trippin me out and coming out of nowhere.
i miss my slut a lot.
so i’m deff going to see him at his next show.
gerardo stole my kiss.
i didn’t let him at first,
cause i got scared and hella surprised.
i’m such a dork hahaha
being with the boys made me realize
maybe i wasn’t really ready to jump into another relationship.
i’ve been putting so much more effort into the friendship
and no one wants to feel hopeless.
maybe this one isn’t any different from the rest.
a mutually awesome beginning
then an abrupt halt at the end with nothing achieved.
so i’m thinking i should step back a little bit
and hold my breath.
------------------------------------------[EDIT june282004]
i’m so fickle, i love it
but we talked things out
he came over last night
it was great.
set the grounds.
it’s sad though,
because i know i’m in this for the long run
and i don’t expect much out of the relationship,
but i think he does.
this is for you gerardo, since i know you read this
or at least i hope you do
it’s not all of the questions,
but the questions that i see hold more value
4. How have I affected you?
you helped me realize that maybe being alone deliberately
will only hurt you
6. What’s the fondest memory you have of me?
well considering we’ve only known each other for THREE weeks exactly,
when we had that talk on the couch
7. How long do you think we will be friends?
forever and ever and ever.. or until you stop needing me.
11. Would you kiss me?
you steal my kisses, because you’re a cheater! (;
13. Physically, what stands out?
the crane on your neck, because i like hiding there
when you turn into a villain and start stealing kisses again
16. What the most surprising thing you have seen me do?
uhm, i’ll be decent and sayyyy that you can pick me up
and swirl me around like crazy
18. Am I loveable? yeahh
20. Describe me in one word.
i can’t, but a couple that do jump in my mind are:
perceptive, spontaneous, loving, fickle
21. What was your first impression?
eeee.. we’re the litto people :)
22. Do you still think that way about me now?
of course, we’re fucking perfect it’s horrible
23. What do you think my weakness is?
you pledge to have patience, but run into things rapidly
28. If you could give me anything what would it be?
happiness
31. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn’t?
yeah, but you always tend to bring it out of me anyway!
33. Do you think our friendship is getting stronger/weaker/or staying the same?
stronger, most deff
and in response to your entry
i’m glad that you’ve finally found security in your life
but i’m sure it never had anything to do with me.
i think i just came in by chance
and that you, the stronger of us both,
found that truth yourself.
i’d like to believe that i could just make choices without thinking
that i’d like to make choices just by instinct alone
or by the beating of my own heart,
but things are never that easy.
i’m still not ready.
but i’m still trying to learn.
------------------------------------------[EDIT june282004]
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hell is other people
so now what?
------------------------------------[EDIT:june192004]
heart’s graduation was a different story
friday
surprised gerardo early in the morning
dropped by his house before i left for the whole weekend
he smacked me a kiss on the cheek
makes me smile everytime i think about it
BUT HEY, WE’RE JUST FRIENDS
(lets see how long that phrase will last until it gets old)
didn’t want to leave his house
headed toward temecula at around 09:30
yahoo said it would take 1 hr and 15 mins
but i was so anxious i drove that shit in 50 mins hahaha
met fran for the first time
ran around the freakin block to get ness ready on time
stood at the bleachers
the ceremony was beautiful
wish it weren’t so darn hot though
got lost at the end
"DUDE, that guy was a DILF!" -- nina
ate at mexico taquito (how authentic -- THE NAME, that is)
didn’t get my seafood burrito till 10pm
so i was too tired to finish it anyway
went to two different "spots"
it was fucking scary
fran swore that she heard voices at the first spot
and nina claimed that she heard someone say "HELLO"
at the second spot,
i was so paranoid about the first one
that when i saw ness’s window open (she sat in the back),
I STARTED YELLING LIKE A PUSSY
and everyone chimed in
now i had to piss real bad
because we were laughing so hard beforehand
nina said she had to take a shit cause she got so scared
(she’s the driver)
ness just happened to get that on video
funniest shit ever
saturday
fran’s so freakin awesome
i think everyone needs someone like her
we went to the music shop to buy her "cousin" an electric guitar
i was dying,
cause i knew it was her present to ness for grad
she bought the NATURAL HONEY, which was damn sexy
at around 10pm we went to pauma casino
gambled and lost like 2 bucks
ness is so freakin lucky
she won $29 on the first shot and nina won $5
we were supposed to go to some trailer park bonfire
so we were in the fucking boondocks
it was so crazy
and we accidentally pulled into the green meadows trailer park
IT FELT LIKE CHAINSAW MASSACRE
i was so ready for the car to break down
russell was soo high
he gave us directions and said
"go up the hill and it’s the house to the left" (w/o a # or anything)
we finally got there
it was just me, nina, ness, russell, russell’s gf, and his manager
(i think his name’s kevin)
kevin bought some drinks for us
we didn’t even have shot glasses,
so we used the dixie cups used for mouthwashing
i don’t remember a shitload
i just remember...
going out and starting a bonfire
russell throwing boulders of rocks and his gf’s dog bringing it back
(i thought that was the funniest shit ever)
i completely spilled the tequila on my pants
(ness said it’s cause i made out with the kevin kid,
but i don’t remember that happening ever.)
ness saying "don’t miss the first step!" and i did
ness holding me on the shoulders and saying
"OKAY, that’s it... don’t hit the walls anymore"
(i accidentally bumped one of the pictures on the wall)
nina saying "vanessa! quite swerving!"
i took a piss before we left, i think
but when we drove through jack in the box
i had to pee so damn much
ness said i was freakin loud and that i wouldn’t stop laughing
nina puked all over her hair
after she puked some in the bag
she held it up and was like "MY BARF BAG!" (or something like that)
ness was so pissed by then
and she kept telling us to shut the hell up
then she told us not to be loud when we got in the house
of course i tripped again and made a damn scene
i remember nina getting all pissed about sleeping on the bed next to me
she kept reassuring me that she wanted to sleep on the couch
and they kept trying to make me eat tacos
i drove home gerardo style (100mph)
and i feel like shit
i keep burping, but i’m scared it’s gonna turn to barfing. hahaha.
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x marks the spot
HI, I EFFEN LOVE YOU TWO!
kacey powerrrrrr
there you go retsi,
just cause i love you so darn much. :D
okay, so the last day of high school EVER...
was not as emotionally draining as i thought it would be.
it was actually pretty rad
i hugged miss hathaway,
she’s a champ.
but i remember tearing up when miss weiss spoke
because she has always had that impact on me
her presence is truly divine.
i’m not sure i’m ready to leave in its entirety,
but i seem to be doing fine so far.
lunch, however, was a completely different story
it was the apocalypse for uc
2 male streakers with NO SOCKS whatsoever
(i wonder why girls never did it?)
1 broken geiser water pump in the middle of campus
3 different fireworks went off on the ground
and many rats and mice running around
(a lady was eventually holding a bucket filled with dead mice
it was the worst.
i feel bad for humanity
because we’re all going to hell so much sooner than we were supposed to.)
this morning, we had senior breakfast
the video was horrible
(the only shot of me in it,
was me and thibault struggling to take the couple picture)
the breakfast was awesome
ice and i stacked two different plates and shared
ran all the way down to the san ysidro outlet
to get ice’s dress
i really like that place
it was chill, but not boring chill
AND THEN I MET GERARDO
---------------------------------------------[EDIT:june112004]
i can’t believe i even met this kid
if someone can find a duo more corny than we are
then please, send me a letter
i’m twitterpainted and i hate it. hahaha
"don’t waste your time on me you’re already
a voice inside my head."
---------------------------------------------[EDIT:june112004]
that was pretty awesome in itself,
but we didn’t get to hang out as much as i wanted.
had to drop ice babe off
drove all the way back home in like 10 mins
with a burger in my hand
while getting fed fries by ice
doing 90 on the fast lane
and getting calls from everyone.
it was great.
X marks the spot
(look at the pretty pictures i toook!)
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empty another bottle and let me tear you to pieces
i completely wiped out and didn’t wake up this morning.
so i missed another day at school.
i’m still so tired from prom...
prom was so fucking awesome.
my hair was a medley of shirley temple a la 70s
the lady finished curling my hair at around 12:30
left right away to get my nails done
now i have pretty red flowers on my nails, i just hate the french tips.
picked up the corsage at 3.
thibault got lost and almost made me cry
(his random outbursts are so awful)
went to el cotixan and got the massive carne asada burritos @ 5
(i haven’t eaten the whole day until then)
met his parents. they’re so freakin cute
they’re french and they were getting ready for a hawaiian party
so they were clad in flowery button-ups.
went to epicentre at 7 and met up with bodacious robyn,
the fuckers didn’t start hauling in until 7:30
but we didn’t even bother to go in because we were already late for prom.
tried to sell the tickets
robyn had her whole spiel and the guy waited until she was finished
just to say that he already had tickets.
I DIDN’T GET TO SEE MURDER MY LOVE.
there was this fellow that looked like the "bad boy" from the breakfast club
he even had the baffled look plastered on his face
(i mistook it for being bitchy, turns out that’s his natureal face. HAHA)
wonderful robyn helped us take pictures and get dressed at thibaults.
found hyatt islandia and came at around 9.
the room was unusually small.
i guess i’m just so into the whole prom ballroom fad
and seeing such a small place threw me back a bit.
(i guess that’s how poor the senior class is.)
i must have lived in the picture line.
from 9-11 i was in line, with some group or another waiting to take pictures.
i remember sitting there w/ sheryll and everyone
and "yeah" by usher came up,
we just started dancing in our seats and pissed to photog’s off.
alwyn won prom king.
i’m so proud of that guy.
the last song was beat it. (how appropriate.)
me, thibault, tonio and angie went searching for dennys
went around downtown’s blocks at least three times
and finally found ice, alvin, romie and ernest.
ordered a lot because i was hungry, but ate a little.
searched for hyatt (next to the convention center)
found nichole and christina in the lobby
apparently nich lost the key to the room,
but had an emergency and HAD to go to breakfast with jason at 3 in the morning.
so we were there, waiting in the hotel lobby
and some trippy dumb 22 year old started yelling "HAPPY PROM"
angie finally called her parents and we got another key.
i was really pissy about my hair for some reason
(i think i was just really tired)
so i took a shower,
got all hyped and proclaimed we’d stay up the whole night,
but ended up wiping out first.
woke up four hours later to hear angie talking into the hotel phone
(no one even called.)
we were originally supposed to have brunch,
but nichole and i had five dollars combined
and i had to give it for gas to make sure they got home.
i realized that although shitty things happened throughout the experience,
it only made it that more memorable.
it felt like some cheesy rock video -
us laying on the pull out beds and staring at the ceiling talking about random things,
us sitting on the back of the car and hearing "the reason"
us trying to scrunch up enough money for everything.
it was damn beautiful.
i realize that i miss tonio a lot.
he’s a good kid.
and although my date would get really pissy at times,
i’m glad that he took me.
it was awesome.
but i also realize that i took the wrong turns in life
and acted the wrong way at times.
but hopefully i just think they’re wrong, but they are actually right.
now i’m just waiting to have the initiative to get dressed.
so i can pick jonnie up at school and we can watch shrek. YAY!
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make mommy specialer weekend.
DAY ONE
accidentally put the alarm clock for SIX:35am, instead of FIVE.
thank god kandice woke up early.
auntie drove us down to carlsbad,
saw the beautiful flower field,
and went swimming for about an hour.
it was so relaxing,
putting my legs up on the pavement
dipping myself under the water
and covering my ears to drown out the sound
just to hear the motion of the waves
and the drumming of my own heartbeat.
we tried to get mommy a massage,
but they didn’t start until ten (it was around nine).
South Coast Highway,
by far, one of the most breathtaking scenic views
there was a surfing comp going on in solana beach
and the waves were filled
it was divine.
eventually reached la jolla
and treated mom for breakfast at coco’s
(even though it was already ELEVEN.)
i was so full with the cream filled strawberry pancakes.
MMM.
afterward,
we picked up the boys
watched van helsing.
holy mother, dracula was very orgasmic.
and kate beckinsale was simply gorgeous.
the movie was soooo intense,
i even witnessed my dad edging out of his seat
(he’s a pretty calm kid).
just got home from mau’s birthday party.
a shitload of old fogies i haven’t seen in awhile were there.
it was a bit awkward,
but i mingled and i’m glad i did.
i saw my ex,
and hopefully that wasn’t the end of it
because i always wondered what would have happened
if we met now, instead of then
when we were so young and stupid
so useless and so far apart.
DAY TWO
went to sunday mass
mommy cried a lot,
because the choir kept singing mommy songs
browsed little italy
when they mean little,
they really meant tinny inny winny
the front of the little italy sign says "Welcome"
immediately behind that it says "Thanks for visiting"
HAHAHA, NO LIE
seaport village,
god i love that place
reminded me of all the pictures i took awhile back
and my dad was amazed to see my pictures in the flesh
(we critique each other’s photos lovingly.)
watched an oldies performance
found the American Nostalgia boutique
i wanted to buy the Vitaminamigamen poster!!!
went into the Uptown Bookstore
bought fereshta’s present,
an immitiave "Dress up paperdoll Barbie"
only this time, it was "Dress up the Bush family"
good stuff.
we were pursuaded by the attractive lady with the mo
bought a cafe moch -- SHE MADE IT PLAIN BLACK.
but we had fun nonetheless,
i hope mommy did too.
now i have to look for an anni present for the parentals
(29th wedding anniversary on the 15&16.)
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paint me purple.
Today was really damn beautiful.
I got out of bed because the pussies kept creeping up my legs.
I feel unusual because my antidepressants are making me hairy.
I’m so hardcore.
Me and Buzz went to the mall today, and I stole a whole heap of stuff.
I got a Good Charlotte CD, a couple of DVDs and some new boots.
Buzz got caught, but he fought his way out, and then we stole some lady’s car
and smashed it into a phone booth.
Last night I had to shave my entire body.
Apparently,
the lice that I caught from Amanda’s friend are really hard to get rid of.
I look quite strange with no hair and eyebrows.
I’d post pictures, but my webcam is broken.
I want to tell the world that I’m gay.
I am really annoyed with those assholes at _are_you_hotter_than_us_?,
because I am so much cuter than them,
and those photos don’t do me justice.
They can’t reject me,
so I’m starting my own rating community.
Click here to join (the first five applicants are automatically accepted).
Today, I got a digital camera! Yes!
Here’s some photos of my girlfriend in the nude
(but don’t tell her that I’ve posted them here -
she’ll kill me! Har har.)
I want to say thanks to the world for absolutely fucking nothing!
You all suck. I feel so alone, no one ever reads this journal,
or even comments to let me know that I’m not suffering alone.
It’s cold here, and I want to die,
but I cannot figure out how many of you to take with me when I go.
I went to the doctor yesterday,
and he said I have bipolar disorder, and a healthy imagination.
You should all do this quiz! It’s amazingly accurate.
You just put in your name and birthday, and it will tell you I am God.
My mom said she still loves me even though I shaved all my hair off
and got two tattoos on my back
and three piercings (1 on each nipple and a belly ring)
and I’m dating Sandra.
That’s enough for now.
But I’ll leave you with some naked photos of myself. (Not safe for work - teehee).
Created with the Gregor’s Semi-Automatic LiveJournal Updater
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jelly beans in my belly
my love gleeeesa said i never update.
so i want to talk about my kittie kat kats.
meet bruiser and baby. :)
a couple of exciting things,
the school has cat 6 testing starting yesterday
so the seniors didn’t have to come until 10:30-ish.
my baby maxine (my car) is fixed again.
we’re moving down the street at ramfos
eep.. finally, a real house.
i’m not going to school tomorrow,
because my left side is enflamed (from the bronchitis)
and when i eat too much it rubs against it
and my left side gets sore.
so hopefully they’ll end the anxiety
and i can sleep on my belly again :D
i’m still waiting for my pistolita shirt
it’s giving me the geebies waiting.
and and..
i might go to buffalo ex sat morning,
because robyn says there’s a dollar sale.
and it’s the senior fashion show that night.
SO WE’LL SEE.
it’s almost the end of the school year.
may 4 ap stat test
may 6 ap eng lit test
may 22 prom (still dateless -- so i doubt i’m going)
june 8 graduation
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as stars explode...
spring break, i love you.
i have done so much so far,
but for some reason i can’t remember clearly.
(which is weird, because i was sober the whole time)
so lets try.
friday,
heart surprised me and picked me up from school
took the wheel
went downtown
had a splendid time with starbucks
went strip club hunting
did not find one
however, we found the Hustler store
"I Dream of Jamie"
"Riders of the Lost Arch"
oh, and who could forget the teddy bear dildo and the anal beads?
HAHAA. good stuff.
went to borders afterward,
intially, just to pee
but browsed around the gay lit
and then and then...
2 coffeehouse performances
that was chill
i had fun playing the gangster songs on her car cd
and being obnoxious while getting lost downtown
and your letter made me cry!
(mouths out) island view. (:
saturday,
watched hellboy
it was fun seeing the fire starter chick make out with the devil
YUMMMM
good movie, i suppose
sunday,
went to work
apparently franklin is gone for one week
so i only checked in from 1:30 to 2:30
went to walmart
went to bestbuy
saw that nice looking lad
monday,
caught the cold
talked to tbo in the morning from about 10pm to 3am
it’s nice catching up
i love love my "adopted" brother
glad we cleared some of that "castle" stuff ;D
tuesday,
went to fashion valley to go to the independent indie rec store
completely forgot about it
and used most of my robinson’s may gift card instead
BUILD A BEAR
wow, it is so cool
i want to work there.. i even took an app
the highlight of my break so far,
just got home from state
it took awhile for shifty robyn to find the p6 parking lot
we were running madd,
because her friend morgan said pis was already on
but when we got there, there were ppl rapping
pistolita,
jesus christ
they were great
and pink boy was teasing me
carissa and robyn had to push my wrist higher
just to get the cd out of his hand
pensive,
so maybe i have a crush on the drummer
jason perry, i believe
they played an okay set
and ended up "winning" the 2 band battle.
i will not tolerate stinky voluptuous boys in the front.
very very smelly.
that’s all i have to say about that.
----------------------------[EDIT thursday, apr0804]
i’m just going to continue
and put my whole spring break on one entry kkkk
thursday,
i slept in most of the time,
because i’m sick again.
it’s like a routine, but oh well.
the night was so intense.
the padres hosted the opening of petco park.
sweet mother,
that game made me want to crap my pants at least twice.
but of course they came up top
and the padres won 4-3.
i did my victory dance mid-inning,
because i thought hernandez hit a homer,
but the ball bounced out.
then, sean hit a freakin ducksnort.
AND I DID THE VICTORY DANCE LIKE A HOT MOTHER.
good day, i think so.
although it would have been perfect if i were there...
----------------------------[EDIT friday, apr0904]
friday,
weeeeee...
you will be jealous.
first, we visited reuben h. fleet
rode on the deep sea virtual ride ("sounds like ppl are saying WOOOO")
watched adrenaline rush
oh lord, those kids are freakin crazy
stayed in the museum of arts for awhile.
a cute gentleman was cleaning the windows
singing so loud,
until he saw us pass by. :(
i did not have to pay a thing.
thanks to alwyn’s birthday passes.
thank you, you super sexy diva! i luh yoou.
hillcrest,
parked in a completely different country
found off the record,
i think i like that store
the emo register man ("MONEY?! NO NO?" "BAG? YES. NO. YES NO?")
i thought the kid with the mullet was pretty nice looking.
ventured into my sister’s closet thrift, good stuff.
and now we’re home.
and that concludes my spring break.
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boop oop ee doop
i am obsessed with life.
yesterday was my first day of living.
i was scheduled to perform my senior exhibition at 12:30pm
i didn’t go to school until about 10:30
because you have to "check-in" or else you can’t pass the exhibition
i hung out at brown’s fifth period
a lot of very sexy people in that class
especially my baby krystle (:
so i went to sixth period only
after "school,"
maha, kathy and i went to mcdonalds
the parking sucks like anal glands!
it’s as small as a weenur, i swear
so i’m here backin out,
and it just so happens that alf doesn’t recognize me
and starts putting on his blinkers haha
turns out the rest of the kids went to mcdonalds that day
so we were all late
i ran from the parking lot,
took a piss,
and settled myself on the chair outside
the actual speech itself was not bad at all
they loveeeeed me. hehehe
so i’m guessing i passed?
got a nice welcoming hug from brown
i am sooo relieved
duckie and i left around 2
wanted some d*lush so we went to fashion
good thing i didn’t bring any money,
all these awesome things were spitting out at me
i am practicing thriftiness
(we’ll see how long that’ll last)
called up the kids
brought cute little josh with us
alf, mark and ernest rode w/ alf
did a mini photoshoot down at the docks
one of my most favorite shooting spots, for sure
the other, is of course balboa park
but anyway.. the pictures turned out quite divine
i hope they like it.
got done at around 5
ate at home
went to the mcr show
never have i seen so many ppl in my life
but considering the amount of wannabes,
i thought kandice and i were pretty tolerant.
i just kind of, cut my way through,
but lost kandice in the process,
so i had to bother the kids behind me to hold my spot
got in mid-adair
(i don’t really fancy them- typical screamo shit)
and then.....
HEADFIRST FOR HALOS
jeesus chriss,
kandice and i started bouncing off the wall
that was one of the best highlights of the day.
i think i’m getting a hang of this
staying 18 forever deal.
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i’m gonna stay eighteen forever...
hi.
i am krystle aguilar.
i am eighteen years old.
kiss me kiss me kiss me,
oh until i can’t take it no more.
-------------------------------------------- EDIT [THE DAY AFTER]
last night was unbelievable
i spent the whole morning
trying to sum up all the feelings,
all the memories, all the fun
but it’s so hard
it felt like a year of preparation,
but the celebration only lasted a couple seconds
i wish it were more
so this is how it feels.
starving for attention and actually receiving it.
i must have retreated to the bathroom
ABOUT FOUR TIMES.
the beginning of the party
hitched off slowly
with people coming late,
because it is a hard place to find
but when everyone came...
i just let go
watched everyone
all the beautiful people in one room
more importantly,
all the beautiful people that i love in one room.
never have i imagined such a melodic catastrophe.
tons of pictures were taken
tons of video footage were taken
i felt like britney spears. ;DDDD
the introduction began at 1940
material girl with ray and deene
(i was so pimp)
around the corner
what can i say?
i’m a sucker for cuties.
i loved the set
i practically memorize their songs by heart,
but i didn’t show it because i felt like a dork
and everyone was being gay and sitting down
so i stood there with ice.
I GOT FRONT ROW TO THE BEST SHOW
so hah!
there is nothing i love more than GENUINE sincerity
although it sounds like a paradox,
their genuiness really makes a difference.
i really wish i was closer to them.
nine volt heart
came with their girlfriends
unfortunately got lost
stole the cart
and that’s all i will say about that.
the eighteen candles were divine.
i knew that i picked the cream of the crop.
my most loved girl friends.
they were so adorable.
a tear was shed here and there.
but when baby krystle started to tear,
perpetual crying could not be stopped.
the eighteen roses were divine.
the cutest dancers ever.
i did not know that two-stepping could be so hot.
peter tried to steal the stage,
as sexy as he is, it’s a sin.
deene and his waves.
OMG
the macarena
the electric slide
the djs did such an awesome job
i know i’m missing a lot of things,
and i’m really trying not to single anybody out.
but a few things i remember...
ness’s hug in the bathroom
megan and scotti’s outfit
aaron’s awesome dance moves
ernest looking into my eyes
alfred’s cutie warm ups
marc’s hilary duff picture
deene’s rendition of the bad boy from the breakfast club
maureen’s special friends
the movie theatre guy making a guest appearance
kuya’s hand slipping to my butt
chuchan’s speech
jahzeel’s amazing presence
the cheesy synchronized dancing
(we were so cool LIKE DISCO MAN)
josh’s ability to be naturally cute
holding susu for eternity
tiff and aaron’s dance off
char’s wonderful voice
peter’s hugs
bel’s beautiful smile
kandor’s exasperating speech
glyssa, just for being glyssa
i am so thankful for everyone who surrounded me
with nothing but love
every single day of my first seventeen years.
i love you guys and you know that.
this party has ruined me,
it has made me an eternal dreamer.
-------------------------------------------- EDIT [THE DAY AFTER]
char’s 18th birthday
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do do do do do you know what you do to me?
today was pretty darn rad.
i’m trying to type as softly as i can,
but i can hear my brother stirring around his bed.
(he probably wants to kill me for making a rucus.)
i just got home from temecula.
god i love that place.
moreof, god i love her.
we didn’t get to hang as much as we planned,
because of traffic.
dropped off the hoodlums,
had our own rendition of an awesome dinner
at jack in the box.
i think i got permanent indigestion from that
picked up the kids again
heart was freakin hilarious.
she was hyperventelating.
heart, marcito, adrienne, ashley and sonny.
it’s a shame that we did not make it on time,
but after the breather heart went on to sing.
THEY ARE SO TALENTED.
never have i heard such a beautiful thing.
the show choir was pretty darn cute.
met alex, a la jessica simpson,
which basically means fucking gorgeous.
even more gorgeous,
i saw the boy that heart was talking about.
she said, "when you see him, you’ll know."
he was divine.
JOSH CADDIE.
the sweetest thing.
we passed by each other,
kind of laughed cause we had the exact same hair.
but heart didn’t intro us,
which is probably good.
met michelle formally for the first time.
she is an awesome person.
i never really did give her enough cred,
i guess i just hated her cause she "always"
hurt heart.
the last song: irish blessing.
the lights were off.
the mellifluous voices sang so cherub-like,
any tarnished heart would be healed.
i really do need to go back.
and marcito, easy on the humps.
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i am such a sucker....
i went to my sister’s lj today.
look what i found.
that child will burn me with her love.
brother tbo silly moment
ine: but it looks pretty on you.
rus: me naked
rus: i know
ine: um, yeah! that one.
good night my lovelys.
kiss
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SHE FOUND ME!
i got a new pair of shoes
i know this new way to dance
got this new hair cut...
weeeee...
kiss me, i’m turning 18 in about 24 days.
and i found the dresses.
the first one’s for my friends bday party
the second one’s for MY BIRTHDAY PARTY
please tell me you likey?
[EDIT: Febr282004]---------------------------------------
i went to morse’s playoffs.
it is amazing how many ppl could not even recognize me.
which is really weird,
because i still look the same.
the only difference from then and now
is that now i know who i am.
it was fun.
the laughter, the intensity, and the wet ass residue.
although morse lost, no remorse,
because the battle was great.
I SAW JENELYN! my love, i miss you so!
you are still taking me to the strip club when i turn 18. (i’ll remember to stack 50 $1 bills! HAHA)
and MATTHEW LEO.
jesssus, i thought i’d never see my best buddy again.
it was amazing.
hopefully i’ll see you both at my party.
LOVE LOVE LOVE!
[EDIT: Febr282004]---------------------------------------
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i can’t feel my legs!
jesus christ.
i am so exhausted right now,
but your firsts should always be documented.
not that first. ;)
so the day was mighty gloomy.
i did not have the motivation to wear something decent.
so i came to school in sweats, a sweater, and a jean jacket.
you know you like it like that.
everything was mediocre.
classes went by really quick.
found out that the po sci test is postponed to friday.
(thank god, cause i left the book at school over the weekend.)
after two weeks of silence,
i had a lot of him today.
i can not get into the details,
but i saw him during lunch.
i saw him after lunch.
i saw him on the bus.
i do not want to be attracted again.
but if this experience taught me anything,
it is not the clothes i wear (OBVIOUSLY).
i just have to wait..
wait.. wait.
i read hiatt’s "people and politics" for 2 hrs straight.
strained my litto eyes.
trying to catch up and cram before the posci test.
after my eyes were tired,
ice called and asked if i wanted to do some aerobics.
I DID KEMPO FOR THE FIRST TIME.
and i’m hurting.
really really really really bad.
typing in the "really"’s already hurt my arms.
the dirty pervs kept being sexual with sensai (master, to you, smelly!)
and i could see he was getting blue from all the talk,
cause he was right next to me.. HAHAHA.
all i know is, i will be back to that
erotic, squid smelling, dangerous 3 by 4.
so i will be knocked out in about five minutes,
and dream about little birds whistling
and dream about a beautiful sky
and dream about..
oh heck,
good nite my lovelys.
Thanks for trying to get me back into shape, my love.
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So when I’m lost in a crowd, I hope that you’ll pick me out.
the last two days have been an emotional spin for me.
one of those days,
when you know your day started off awkward
and it just keeps getting worse.
until it culminates into this gigantic rush of anxiety
and you have no where left to result in trying to preserve your sanity,
so you cry like a little pussy.
yesterday,
i received my report card.
1) i got a 3.4
i couldn’t even cut the requisite for csf of 3.5
(csf’s = mucho scholarship money when you graduate as a senior
with at least 6 semesters on your belt; i had 5 semesters)
that alone, pushed me off the edge
all that hard work and pitiless dedication
ruined because i got a b+ for rop child development
(it counts as 2 b’s)
2) i had the most awful dream.
those dreams that last forever and leave you contemplatively tired.
basically,
i was in an insane asylum with thousands of others.
had a blond boy as a "significant other"
and read the murder of "the-perfect-being?" on the newspaper’s headlines
(the perfect being, in my dream, illustrated a man
sliced up in various places "molded" because he looked
just like jesus).
after much contemplation,
i have concluded that it means,
there is no such thing as falling CRAZY in love with someone,
and that i can never mold my significant other to be PERFECT.
3) the band i was dying to meet at my birthday cancelled.
the lead singer’s girlfriend bought him tickets to another show
and he’s "committed" to his girlfriend.
let’s talk about commitment -
you knew that you were supposed to play for me
before your stupid girlfriend bought those stupid tickets.
but i’m done with that now.
with ms. weiss’s sincere support,
(she gave me FOUR hugs today! i love love love love her)
i talked to ms palmer
and now i have an A,
which pushes me back to the usual 3.8.
i saw my golden boy at jcc today.
jason, my preschool boyfriend,
went up to me and randomly said "You’re 17."
i was so duped!
i asked him how he knew,
he just strugged his shoulders and said he just knew
and that "being six (years old) for 10 days now" is fairly hard.
could it be that my sweet little child is already going through a midlife crisis?
lastly,
my brother’s okay.
(his motorcycle slid because of the pavement’s oils rising during the rain)
he claims that it’s nothing,
he dislocated his shoulder.
and i know it hurts like hell,
but of course, he’s a man.
so now i’m babying him like crazy.
"Everything that happens supposed to be.
It’s all predetermined, can’t change your destiny."
i think i’ll go by that for now.
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through the screen door, your thoughts are quarantined.
i was already in bed.
i was hesitant toward talking about what happened today.
i don’t even know if it’s of any importance,
because i am not fond of reading other people’s journals
when they are plastered with negative things.
this is not necessarily something negative.
today was just really, odd.
i felt so empty.
i will just write this really quick,
so i can put my soul at rest
and go to sleep.
today was awful
in the essence that,
every time you try to avoid something,
the more it comes up.
i felt really intimidated during the english group discussion.
(quite frankly, i’m tired of analyzing existentialism)
peter is such a beautiful person,
and so is jeff,
but when they ask for your opinion,
you better have something worth proving that you belong
in the highest english class in school.
the only great thing about that class,
is when ms weiss comes up to me
and brushes the bangs off my face irritably,
because she claims she wants to see me wholly.
she is one of a kind.
the valentine’s day shrill could not be avoided.
i thought that since it were on a saturday this year,
that i could just, for one year, not see the sight of it.
but of course,
almost everyone showed up in red.
peter and i were complaining about the headaches we got from the sweethearts.
(after two boxes, they start to taste like pepto bismol)
my darlin cried out of no where.
i hate it when my friends cry,
because i do not know how to deal with it.
she did not know why she was crying.
quite frankly, i wanted to join in.
i am getting tired of the situation.
we speak fluently behind closed doors,
but when we see each other in person,
we don’t.
but he is just so beautiful.
(i put the only picture i have of him in friends only.
sorry, if he would see it, he would kill me. haha)
i slept with kathy after school.
good old times.
it felt like eternity.
i wish i had more moments like that.
i just want to sit back and stop analyzing everything
like a damn girl.
five day weekend, yay.
140 page play.
2 three paragraph essays.
2 stat worksheets.
no valentine.
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oh, how i long to be found
so i’m sick again,
but what’s new.
i stayed home.
i can’t breathe. (it’s kinda funny.)
i slept till 10.
i missed the senior mobshots.
but it’s okay,
cause i hate school.
and i got to spend it with 2 of the most beautiful people.
my brother and my sister.
we’re watching teenage mutant ninja turtles.
MARATHON!
kandice shhhh-ing the crowd in suspense with the rock out sign.
HAHAHAHAH.
we got that for kuya’s (that means older brother in tagalog) birthday.
we also got him a portable dvd player.
we also got him a pillow crotched (i don’t know how to spell, so we’ll leave it CROTCH) with scooby doo.
HAPPY 27TH BIRTHDAY KUYA.
love love love love love love!!!
later,
we’re gonna eat eat eat.
YOU ARE HERE -----> X MY HEART
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i said darlin, you looked wonderful tonight
the school day was not horrible.
i was completely submissive to anything that passed my way.
but something was missing.
i felt the same bliss i experience
everytime i walk barefooted on the muddled sand in the beach.
Thank you glyssa.
afterschool,
i was a bit hesitant toward going with glyssa to get her pictures taken.
but when i got to the docks,
i knew it was exactly what i had needed.
----------------------------------[EDIT; jan31. 07:21am]
i can’t believe i didn’t talk about this.
things just slip my mind.
but when i was talking to you,
i didn’t know how serious you were
and then i saw you get teary eyed about it.
i’m sorry it didn’t work out.
i wish i had even that working for me.
but instead i’m here,
yearning for the one person
i don’t think i can handle.
but if you really want to make it work...
that’s why i asked you about your bf yesterday.
i know you are happy with him,
but what if you’d be happier with the other guy?
----------------------------------[END; jan31. 07:24am]
a beautiful sunset.
a wonderful companion.
we stayed for about an hour.
caffe latte burning retsi’s tongue.
(IT WAS SO GOOD)
it became horribly cold
our quest for the perfect lighting,
was not completely a failure.
i learned that,
all you need is time by your side.
everything should be fine.
actually,
i’m still learning.
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lovesick
i’m such an attention-stealing pup.
i need this fag boys love.
"lie awake in lust" as mraz said.
i don’t know if i should pursue this.
but god damnit, he’s playing at my party.
segway to the party,
3 bands are playing (for sure)
around the corner, nine volt <3, igby falls down
a MAYBE acoustic (which i’m perpetually praying for)
a dj
some rockin
some lovin
disposable cameras for 13 tables
an overview of the beach
it’s workin out splendid.
now i just need to complete the invitations,
and send those puppies out.
friday was half day.
i less than three three threeeee you two.
just hope you know that.
parkway.
i had to
lots of sitting on nice sofas.
thanks for the handcuffs. :)
went home.
made buttons.
got helpful critiques on the invitations.
meesh stayed till 11,
cause we watched queen of the damned.
now i have to read all the anne rice vampire chronicles.
i’m a reading machine.
almost done with garp.
supreme.
and now i have to robinson’s may. :)
oh, and i like that kid,
the one with the long lesbian hair
and the calloused fingers.
"love is an excuse to get hurt. do you like to hurt?" -- connor o.
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skidimarinkee do, i love you.
before i fill out the fafsa and die in its entirety,
let me rant.
i’m baking sugar cookies at the moment,
like an expected mother.
i love how i get sick and i lose the excess fat.
then i get better, and gain it all back.
to be precise, i have been eating like a monster.
but anyway.
jewish comm center,
isn’t that bad.
the children are equally adorable.
only now there’s about 40 of them crammed into a small quadrant,
and they’re from 2 to 5.
------------------ EDIT ------------------
i found the most precious boy on the planet
he’s mulatto
beautiful hazel eyes
brown curls
and the best part,
HE’S FIVE.
we walk around the playground,
hand in hand.
i have myself, a first boyfriend. haha.
------------------ EDIT ------------------
just found out today
that lust is a whore.
i mean, i’m still attracted.
or maybe i’m not.
hell, i’m ready to get married at forty.
bring it on.
now i have to leave cause i think i burned my cookies.
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