I finally wore real pants today. Not that I own fake pants but I did trade my pj's for jeans and sorta brushed my hair.

When you live where you work you can seriously roll out of bed and walk into the office if you shower every 2 days you're doing pretty good. So if you're wearing something that resembles an outfit you would wear in public then that's a good day.

For me if I'm feeling bad there is no way in hell I'm going to dress up. For the past 2 weeks that's been my life.

Today was a good day because I didn't throw up and I haven't passed out.

Actually that's a lie. Today was a weird day in the "village in the smog". Fights erupted all over the loft starting sometime before noon. Today I was yelled at for the first time by "Capone",the DR's husband, for leaving the Turkish coffee maker dirty and by the sink.

In my defense, it was hot when I went into the office. Even if that was at 1pm.

It didn't phase me, I told Dominic (friendly, ginger roommate) to have Capone call me to yell at me so it would take the "heat" off of him. He did. And I did as I was told.

In other news, a big storm is brewing between me and Norris "the moody phantom
of the village".

Readers digest verson of the story is : We made up. He asked for a "real chance" at making things work. I stupidly, stupidly, (did I mention stupidly), gave him one. So a bit of time passes by (not even 2 weeks) and I realize something different about myself. Something not so good.

On the same day (a radio show day I think) he get's stupid drunk and picks a fight with me. My fav quotes from the fight are the following:

-How many men have you slept with? I bet a bunch. You're a whore. I haven't given my self to a lot of women...and that means I'm better.

-You are fucking up your life! I have a skill. I am an IT god. If it wasn't for me this whole place would shut down. You I saved and you're lucky.

-I could make life here hell for you.

sooo... i finished the 500 random tour.
and just for shits and giggles, i hit start random tour (again)

yeah...

there's a 1k tour.

yeah... wish me luck yo... hopefully i survive. haha.

:DDD

i finally got to see him last night!
it was AMAZING!
and i'm still tired.

a longer update later, promise.
first, work.

i seriously hope i get laid tonight
or else i'm going to have to take a "hands on" approach to this

i blame my dream
i blame my dream
i blame my dream
i blame my dream
i blame my dream
i blame my dream
i blame my dream
i blame my dream
i blame my dream
i blame my dream
i blame my dream
i blame my dream

not really... got you.

Im not the deepest person... i prefer to live life on the surface... barely breaking the waves. Whats below is sort of a mystery even i might not want to solve.

For all the things i remember about my childhood, there sure is a bunch i dont. Im pretty sure that based on what i remember, what i dont just saves me pain. Why must it be so hard to get over the injustices of the past? I wish so many days i could just forget it all, go to a place even my memories dont reach.

I live each day like its my last (to the best of my limited financial means) i try not to leave many things unsaid, or undone. Probably from simple fear i may die today... who knows? i may... But is it better to be this way?

I see my friends living like they have 50 years to go... stressing so much over paper... fucking paper. I hate money, anyone whos talked to me for long enough to know anything about me knows that. So i see these friends, yeah they have a lot of stuff... but does it make them any happier than me?

I fucking doubt it.

fuck money,
fuck your loans,
fuck your nice new truck or car,
fuck your huge house with imported marble floors,
just fuck yourself.

I've learned that the only thing that matters in this life is who you know and how you treated them... I'll just try to be the best FRIEND i can be. Besides, you cant take it with you... might as well be broke with nothing but a smile instead of loaded with crap i dont need and the stress to go with it.

is it just an endless fucking cycle? wait, sleep, breathe, work, wait, sleep, breathe, work... work, work, work. Fuck work. I wish i had it made like some people on this earth. It always seems like the wrong people get the good luck. Some jackass wins 170 million in the lottery and blows half and sits on the rest. Hows that right? With all the starving in the world how does someone with millions just sit on all that money? I couldnt do it... guess thats why ill never be rich.

I'm a very light snorer, as I've been told in the past. It usually depends on the way I'm sleeping or the angle of my head or something.

And thankfully, I've not lain in bed with a woman who was a snorer. Until SV, the last girl I slept with. The first time I stayed at her place she didn't snore, but the last time? We drank a lot, had sex, then passed out watching "Celebrity Rehab". At least, she did. And as soon as she closed her eyes, she started snoring. LOUDLY. And hard. How can you snore hard? Ask her.

I literally got two hours of sleep that night, only. And even then it was broken up in 30 minute increments cos of her snoring. I mentioned it to her in the morning and she laughed it off.

It's weird though. Aren't incredibly beautiful women supposed to not do those types of things? They aren't supposed to snore, burp, fart or do anything gross or annoying!

One of the huge reasons I love sex outside of it feels amazing and whatnot is that almost EVERYONE has sex or will have sex but yet nobody really talks about it open and freely. And when I say talks about it open and freely, I mean as say a dinner topic, unless of course you're group of friends are completely cool with that then awesome you guys rule. But it's not socially acceptable to strike up a conversation with a stranger and, for example, ask: "So, what kind of sex are you into? Do you like it rough?" You just don't do that! But again, sex is something that we all seek out to get. If it's not fucking somebody else it's fucking yourself. There's TV shows that revolve around sex, songs about sex, and movies with sex scenes hotter than the action you got last night. People go out to bars and clubs hoping to find some piece of ass to take home. I just don't understand why sex is such a "hush hush" subject... I understand it's something we all do in secret (unless you are into voureyism, of course) but why can't we talk about it!! It's a completely natural thing that almost everyone want to do!! One of my friends said "Half of the fun in sex is talking about it!" And it really is. I could talk about sex all day if I really wanted to. Sometimes when I'm in a public place like the mall I people watch and wonder how they like to have sex... if they like it rough or if they like the whole sensual "making love" sex. I know that's kind of creepy but it's actually a lot of fun, try it sometime and tell me if I'm wrong. I used to be kind of uptight about talking about sex, but ever since I became open about my sexuality (see the first entry I Am A Submissive) sex is so much more enjoyable. I am comfortable with my body and with myself as a whole. Sex is something that is a part of you whether you want it to be or not (I don't know why you wouldn't want it to be unless you had a horrible past experience or whatever) But anyways...

Most amazing orgasm of my life to date.

I'M FIGURING THIS SHIT OUT