Ok so this week has been a long week but I think ill make it through if I really try hahaha. I hate boys btw, All of them. They suck and smell funny (ok I lied they smell good). This week I just its just been getting to me that I’m single. Horrible and honestly not taken in any since of the word…ouch. Oh well I guess I should be use to it. I’m not that attractive. But I’m not a complete dog either, I’m just saying, not a head turner. Plus I have been sick all week. I know I know it is not an excuses not to post on here but I wasn’t posting XD. Ok so I need friends on here. I finally made a new account and no one is friending me. Sad day sad day. So I got a tattoo btw people. Right there on my lip. It’s a heart. Yep a little black heart. I love it. Lets see lets see things on Seairra’s mind as of right now:
• I honestly dislike boys.
• I honestly am feeling down on myself
• And I ‘m running outta class time.
I love you guys - Seairra

After having a couple of months to get over the spuratic out bursts of crying over a song on the radio or getting frustrated and ruffled over a faint memory of the two of you as your walking down the street, I realized things finally do come to a calm. A process of healing doesn't mend without hurt, pain, and unglorfied moments of getting emotion in a bathroom stall. You don't constantly keep an eye on your phone and not every "phanton vibrate" you have in your pocket doesn't send you into frantic digging to get your phone, only to be disappointed. There isn't any more awkward moments at 2AM where you miss him. Sure, you may miss the company but not [i]his[/i] in particular.

Infact, you don't even want to crush his head in the door anymore. You can go a WHOLE MINUTE (Should I scale it in seconds?) without thinking about him. He'll cross your mind only when you realize, "Shit. It's been three days and I haven't mentioned or thought about the douchebag."

Sometimes though, times get hard and hormones are flaired and eager for attention, so dating comes to mind.

How hard is it to find a guy with basics? I'm not picky, just BASICS!

- A job
- A car
- His own place
- A phone
- A future in mind

See? Five things that almost seem like neccesities but are disturbingly hard to find in a guy. I don't expect you to own a hot-rod, just something you could pick me up for a date in. A job so you could pay for it once in awhile. I don't mind dutch on casual outings. A place we could hang out without worrying about your mother hearing us doing the naughty in her house. A phone so you could call and let me know you're coming over or near. I don't expect hours upon hours of conversation and falling asleep on the phone every night. I know life is not a romance movie. I've grown tired and furious with the romance novels, LIFE ISN'T PEACHY.

I've always been subjective on voicing my opinion on: excessive alcoholism, smoking, and cleanliness.

I drink, I don't keep alcohol in my house to avoid alcoholic tenancies and over generous guests from binging. So I am not bias when I say this. It just has no place in my life.

Smoking, its around me, but its gross. Not during, more the after math of smoking. Have you ever gone into someones house and seen ceiling stains from smoke= its gross. I feel bad for those peoples insides. Today, a friend shared with me that I was a contributing factor to his quitting of smoking. That is kind of amazing. I wasn't the main reason, but I was involved. That makes me feel all warm and glow-y on the inside.

CLEAN HOUSE... I like the animated concept that television has in our economy on spring cleaning. It is comical, however, I hate that people do actually wait until spring to clean. Its like everyone wants to reenact their own version of hoarders. Not ME. I've always felt that some people judge you based on the appearance of your house, car, clothing.. (interior and exterior).
Do yo have to clear a spot for friends to sit in your car, does it have pop bottles, fast food, and old food on the floor, cd's everywhere? GROSS.
Dirty kitchen counters? creep me out, it takes 3 seconds to wipe them clean.
An automatic defense would be that "True friends don't care about mess"--- In my best opinion. MAYBE THEY SHOULD CARE. When you step over wet towels in someones house as you walk into a washroom is nasty and unhygienic. It takes a second to hang it up, or toss it into a laundry bin.
(and ps. yes, people do see yesterdays salt stains at the bottom of your blue jeans/black pants).

I sound probably so pathetic, but I hate messy people, I hate slobs, I hate unorganized people. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it.

that go off topic .. i hate you

I dont know when my life will change.
I cant imagine taking on a heavier work load.
And yet I need to get a job as soon as my c0smo license gets here.
I really want to move out of my grandparents house. I still haven't told them that I started smoking again, they are so proud that I quit. I find some stupid excuse to leave the house so I can have a smoke.
I want to graduate with my AS but thats still over a year away.
I want to get my own place but I know I couldn't possibly cover my own expenses right now. I refuse to give up school just to work... thats what my brothers did but how will their future be?
I really shouldnt complain. I have a wonderful life. I have a fabulous family that takes care of me, a loving boyfriend who makes me laugh more than anyone else, I have a couple friends...
I just want everything to have happened yesterday. I need to slow down and enjoy the life I am living.
I just hope no one is getting sick of me. I hate having other people take care of me. I want to do it, but i know i am not in the situation to.
I never really knew my grandma and now I am living with her. We have gotten to know each other much better since I have lived with her. But I always feel like I am intruding on their peaceful life.
I might just have too many worries.
:(

Everybody and everything gets a fucking reality tv show these days. And then those God forsaken reality shows get fucking spin-offs.

AND THEN .. as if it weren't enough .. they even have REUNION shows ..

How fucking idiotic are you people that buy into thi shit and watch it as if it were really entertainment? It's not intelligent. It's not well produced. Hell, it's not even fucking reality!

People do not get dropped off on an island, with God damned team mates to complete challenges and work against another team, in reality. There is even a reality show about who the next Playstation game tester is going to be .. WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF INFANTILE CRAP IS THAT!?

And all of these washed up, forgotten, nobody gives a fuck about celebrities, keep coming back. I hate these fqaggots. I hate the faggoty fucking cock gobbling directors and production crews of these shit-tastic shows.

Somebody needs to gather all of the actors, celebrities, producers, casting agents, and other corporate entities that all go into making these things, lock them in a room with no food and very little water and just one very dull and very rusty knife, and film them trying to survive. The last one alive can get a million dollars ... shoved up their ass and then have there head shashed in a vice until their brains spew out of their eye sockets.

Fuck reality television and fuck you people that like/support it. You're all polluting the gene pool.

It was bad enough when anybody could get a damn talk show

You're like an evil broken vending machine. Fucking taking my money then "breaking" so that can't get a hold of my prize. What the god damn fuck? I want to kick you in the grill.

"For all of the love he placed in me,
When there's no-one I can turn to with this love. . ."

oh morrissey, if only it was that easy.

Nigger, Spic, Krout, Wop, Shyster, Chink, Gook, Mic, Paki, Canuck, Frog, Faggot, Freak, Greaser, Hillbilly, Limey, Nip, Polack, Towel-head, Dyke.

It's so easy to hide behind those names. It's easy to not look beyond someone's appearance to see who they truly are inside; to see that, despite appearances, they are really very much like yourself.

We'll never get away from this bigotry until we stop being too lazy to care about people.

It's official.

I'm in love with girl who hates me. I've managed to push away the most loyal, adoring and appreciative friend that I'll ever have. All love aside, I still care for her tremendously.

So, between that a few other recent events, it's time for me to change who I am.

The whole line about people who don't mind matter and people who mind don't matter is bullshit. Everyone minds and to an extent, everyone matters.

I'll see you all shortly.