not sure if i've posted this before. it seems like the kind of thing i would have. anyways, here goes .. a small list of things that i have no reason to fear, but do. they terrify me

wet cardboard
my belly button tearing open
the front axle of my car tearing away while i'm driving
the tooth fairy
no cadburry eggs at easter time

I welcome myself back to Melo.
How refreshing. A clean slate.

I came here in hopes of something new, as my internet life has been rather stagnant. Preferably, a place where I can make new friends and not worry about my old ones.

My alter-ego blog. Yea! A place where I can post my innermost secrets and complaints, dreams and fears. (We'll see about all that.) A place where I can post songs, poetry, *anything* without nudity, I presume, and be critiqued by strangers, rather than praised by family or friends. As much as I like compliments, I'd much rather have a stranger tell me that I have a sparkling ass that could double as a platter for their more expensive cheese than my Uncle Gary. It just reeks "biased".

Luckily for you, I was joking about the nudies. But really- Compliments are appreciated, NOT expected. Anything that I post is up for critique, including my bad uncle joke.

Until next time,
Light & Love-
Gylly

Talking to boys..
never been my forte.
Especially when you either really care for them.
Or just wish they would decide what they feel for you.

But the difference.. is the one's that really care.. listen.
When you ask them a question.. they answer.
The indecisive ones.. those are the ones that talk to you every few weeks to "catch up".
You wouldn't have to if you would talk to me more. You know I would. I'm getting over you. If you truly wanted to be friends like you said before.. you would make more of an effort.
Yet.. we're coming to an understanding.
You know you fucked up. You know you hurt me beyond imagination.
I know that I can't let you back in. Not the way I did before.
If you want to talk.. then talk. But don't expect me to come to you.
I have someone to go to.. someone that loves me.. and doesn't have to break up with me to admit it.
Now if only I could find the guts to say it back.. then I wouldn't have so much guilt.
I know I care for him.. but last time I said I loved someone.. it didn't mean anything. They left anyways.. they always do..
It's stupid.. because I know you wouldn't do that to me.
And maybe someday I can get the courage to at least tell you why I'm so scared..
Until then.. I'm going to love the feeling of being in your arms.. of being happy in a way I haven't been in months.
Thank god you caught on. You saved me.
And someday I'll tell you that. <3

I don't like spiders they creep me out now but when I was younger I would go looking for them, catch them and keep them as pets for a lil while than put them back where I caught them. I don't like people walking behind me but it really gets to me if someone runs up to me from behind I get... IDK nervous my heart races and I cant breath. and I guess I have a small fear of being slapped on the back it hurts like hell and it really pisses me off even though I have a high threshold for pain & I kinda even like it, being slapped on the back is the worst it stems from being in the hospital at the age of 3 to 5 with pneumonia living in a bubble and the doc would slap me on the back but now I rarely ever get sick everyone in my house could be sick as a dog and Id never get it and Id even be tacking care of them. But my biggest fear would be loosing my family or burning to death in a fire.

The idea scares me right now.. more than I'll admit to anyone.
Last year.. was the best.. and the worst..
I went through some drama.. lost my mother.. and a friend..
I went to Europe.. fell in love.. and felt true heartache for the first time in my life..
I learned things about me.. some that I'm proud of.. some that I want to change..
And right now.. I'm scared for the new year.. and the changes it will bring.
I'm leaving high school. Moving on with my life.. going to a college 2 hours away from home.. and nearly 3 hours from all of my friends.
I have a boyfriend that loves me, and would never leave me.. but I'm scared for what will happen when I leave to college.
I'm determined to lose weight and be happy with who I am.
So much is going to change... including me..
So bring it on 2010. I'm scared.. but I will be ready, even if I find it hard to believe now.
I'm going to face these challenges. I may cry, I may falter, but I will get it done.
I'm sick of being defined by others.. others who let you down.
This year, I want to be independent. Strong, by myself.
I'm going to need help.. I know. And I know I have the support. But I won't cling to them.. and fail when they leave.
I will be a me I can be proud of.
Once and for all.